Tag Archives: brad pitt

  Glad we solved that problem forever

2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously

Nope, no rape news this year
In the early days of 2014, the world was a simpler, happier place. Bill Cosby was still a kindly, grandfatherly funnyman and not a horrible monster rapist, and we all enjoyed playfully teasing him about his sweaters and Jell-O Pudding Pops until the joke was entirely played out and stale and not funny anymore, seriously, enough. Read more on 2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously…
  Sort of Looks Like Steve Zahn

Meet the Gun-Humping ‘Brad Pitt Of The GOP’

Northern Minnesota is the land of Bob Dylan and the Boundary Waters, a place where every sunset is accompanied by the haunting songs of loons and no one ever talks about their feelings. It is also home to Stewart Mills, who is running for Congress and has been called the “Brad Pitt of the GOP” by this lady, who may have an undiagnosed astigmatism. D.C. really is Hollywood for ugly people and also this guy really looks like Steve Zahn. Anyway, who is this guy, Stewart Mills, the guy who is crushing a beer bong like a TOTAL CHAMP in the photo above? In relaxed environments, Mills is polite and funny, the kind of guy voters would want to have a beer with. Over the course of several conversations with this reporter, he made frequent references to experiences he’s had with this or that “buddy of mine” and showed off pictures of his young kids fishing (he has two children, three stepchildren and four step-grandchildren). And he offered a gleeful response to the story from last fall that showed pictures of him drinking from a beer bong. “Chugging a beer gives me credibility with the 8th District,” he said. Dude puts the party back in Republican Party, are we right? Read more on Meet the Gun-Humping ‘Brad Pitt Of The GOP’…
  ode to joy

Ten Pounds Of Happy Nice Time In A Five Pound Bag

You can’t even believe the sheer volume of Happy Nice Time Happiness we have for you today. Do you want to hear about how the gays made it so you have to use Internet Explorer now because of how they hate freedom? Of course you do! Read more on Ten Pounds Of Happy Nice Time In A Five Pound Bag…
  Ally Is Not An Ally We Guess

Brad Pitt Should Not Make Movie About Steubenville Rape, Because

Great news, everyone! Brad Pitt wants to make a movie about the awful terrible no good very bad ordeal frequently referred to as the Steubenville rape. (Can it please be starring Brad Pitt? Please? We hope so because mmmmmmm, Brad Pitt.) This seems like a really great idea, because there are not a lot of movies about rape and rape culture and how when sportsball stars, like the Steubenville rapists, commit acts of rape, more often than not, their friends and coaches and schools and communities tend to protect and defend them because SPORTSBALL!, while demanding that the whore who was just begging to be raped apologize to everyone for getting herself raped and also ruining the “promising futures” of those sportsball stars, what with her being raped by them. This is a issue, an epidemic, if you will, so it is a Good Thing that someone would like to tell that story and bring more attention to it and make it a “not cool” way to react to rape and raping. Right? Apparently not, according to Think Progress: Read more on Brad Pitt Should Not Make Movie About Steubenville Rape, Because…
  malice in wonderland

Tea Party Congressman Jeff Landry Really Hopes Nobody Saw Him at Snoop Dogg Show

The Tea Party freshman who wormed his way into all our hearts when he held up some lame sign reading “Drilling = Jobs” at Obama’s fancy Jobs speech* like some sort of fainting Claymaniac at an American Idol “concert,” has been spotted taking in a doubtlessly cuss- and reefer-filled show by “urban” “entertainers” Snoop Dogg (Too High), a known Crip, and Kanye West (George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People), a known blah. Read more on Tea Party Congressman Jeff Landry Really Hopes Nobody Saw Him at Snoop Dogg Show…
  oh boy

Celebrities Are In Washington Again, And Stuff!

Oh golly, a coterie of unpaid Hill interns has discovered a pair of famous Movie Stars walking around our Washington D.C.! Everyone loves the Movies, right? Well let’s share a Hill intern’s e-mail about famous liberals Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie having a sexy threesome with Nancy Pelosi today, and maybe some of you can send in pictures, or whatever it is one sends to a blog. (Pornography.) Read more on Celebrities Are In Washington Again, And Stuff!…
 

Mr. and Mrs. Smith Go To Washington

Come now, people — let’s not let Brad and Angelina get our hopes up… DC’s human beauty capital will increase approximately 4,000% (here is my evidence), sparking a dramatic increase in fashion self-awareness–an “and they saw that they were naked” kind of deal, except instead of resulting in fig-leaf loincloths and exile from paradise, this one would bring about a mass spontaneous rejection of pleated pants, navy blazers, braided belts, and low sensible heels. Finally, I wouldn’t want to get ahead of myself, but once the eye of the world turns to DC, could voting rights be far behind? Read more on Mr. and Mrs. Smith Go To Washington…
 

Gossip Roundup: So Much For Off The Record

• Reliable Source: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are not moving to D.C. [WP] • Page Six: Al Franken receives a lecture after trying to question Antonin Scalia. . . Teresa Heinz Kerry said to have monopolized the bag department at Hermes. [NYP, NYP] • Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Antonin Scalia lashes out at the press at “off the record” panel discussion. [NYDN] • Rush & Molloy: Bush at the turkey pardoning: “I know Marshmallow and Yam are going to feel pretty good strutting around sunny California, remembering the cold days of Minnesota.” [NYDN] • Liz Smith: Barbara Walters is fascinated by Condoleezza Rice. [NYP] • Inside the Beltway: Stories of Sen. George Allen, Sen. Jon Corzine, Sen. Bill Frist, Rumsfeld, Kissinger, and Bill O’Reilly appear in E.D. Hill‘s new book. [WT] Read more on Gossip Roundup: So Much For Off The Record…
 

Wonk’d: Chalabi’s Change of Skin Care Regimen

Some of you wonder why the Wonk’d famous-for-DC posts don’t appear with more frequency. The sad truth is that people don’t send us much. Perhaps you don’t understand: The bar is VERY LOW. Matt Cooper in line in at Starbucks? Counts. Margaret Carlson picking up her dry cleaning? Totally. Matthew Yglesias looking lost on M Street? That too. You want more Wonk’d? Send us more sightings: m("tips","wonkette.com",true);. Come on, you can’t walk a block in this town without tripping over George Stephanopolous and he counts, too! In this issue: Bennett, Kidman (of course), Jenna and Barbara Bush, Scalia, Stein, Carter, Alito (8″ thick! Not the way you think.), Chalabi at Kiehls, Greenspan, Bradgalina, and, yes, Stephanopolous. After the jump. Read more on Wonk’d: Chalabi’s Change of Skin Care Regimen…