Tag Archives: boy scouts

  This does NOT mean wingnuts are just like ISIS

ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!

Ha ha ha, sometimes there are Serious News Headlines that just make a person fall into fits of LOL-giggles, and Talking Points Memo has served one up! We were just clicking through our Facebook, or maybe our news reader, we cannot remember, we were drinking, and saw the news that “ISIS Bans Teaching Evolution In Schools.” Extremist terrorist Muslims and wingnut Christians, they are just like us each other! Read more on ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!…
  Adding Fabrics And Baking Would Not Help

‘Science’ Center Teaches Boys Rocketry, Girls Makeup. Internet Certain To Be Pleased. (Updated)

UPDATE: Carnegie Science Center has responded; see end of post. You know what kids love? Kids love science! Science is exciting, and it builds critical thinking skills, and it’s actually more than just a little bit fun if you have an engaging teacher and cool things to do! And if you’re a girl in Pittsburgh, you can actually get your Girl Scouts science badge at the one solitary science workshop that the Carnegie Science Center offers, which is available on just one day, which… hey, what’s the freaking deal here, Carnegie Science Center? Looks like you have loads of science workshops for Boy Scouts at different levels of scouting, and one lousy workshop for girls? Read more on ‘Science’ Center Teaches Boys Rocketry, Girls Makeup. Internet Certain To Be Pleased. (Updated)…
  thank goodness

Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews

You might remember that last year, a bunch of angry conservative Christians decided to take their toys and go home because the Boy Scouts were no longer going to stone gays to death. They created a nonsense organization called Trail Life aka Purity Scouts that promised that instead of cramming the gay down your kids’ throats, they’d shove some good old-fashioned religion all the way down there instead. Oh, except for that part where if your religion is Mormon or Jewish or any other of them funny not-Jesus religions, your throat cannot be rammed full of conservative goodness. Read more on Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews…
  utah

Hero Boy Scout Leaders Protect Hypothetical Children, Destroy 20 Million Year Old Rock Formation

Here’s a trio of Utah Boy Scout leaders doing a little improvement project on Nature, since they worried that a boulder in Goblin Valley State Park might topple over and kill a child. “Some little kid was about ready to walk down here and die and Glenn saved his life by getting the boulder out of the way,” the cameraman is heard saying. “So it’s all about saving lives here at Goblin Valley.” Plus, it was a lot of fun! Did ya see that sucker fall! BOOM! Job well done! But is their concern for hypothetical little kids winning them the plaudits they expected? No, instead, a bunch of fascist nature-huggers in the Utah State Parks department wants them prosecuted, which is about what you’d expect from a bunch of Nazis. Read more on Hero Boy Scout Leaders Protect Hypothetical Children, Destroy 20 Million Year Old Rock Formation…
  land of the free and home of the gays

Everybody In Utah Is Gay Now And It Is All Your Fault

Hey Wonkzuelans, you probably know that Obama declared June LGBT Pride month and that now we are all perverted bigots because we love gay sex and hate everyone who does not love gay sex. But what you probably don’t know yet is that the gays have already begun wrecking/perverting/bigoting that formerly impenetrable fortress of gay-hating, Utah. Yes, it’s true. Over the weekend, the gays stone-cold murdered Utah with their cavalcade of gay. Read more on Everybody In Utah Is Gay Now And It Is All Your Fault…
  Purity of Essence

Bryan Fischer Still Obsessed With Boy Scouts’ Firm Young Buttocks

Look, Bryan Fischer, we are all getting pretty tired of the unseemly attention you have been giving to Boy Scouts and teh ghey lately. It as if this topic has turned you into some sort of tiresome one-trick…animal whose name we have forgotten at the moment. And of course, we knew that you’d go just a little more unhinged if the BSA actually ended its ban on gay scouts (but not scout leaders, because what is logical consistency anyway?) So now the BSA has gone and actually done that thing, which Bryan Fissure cannot believe they did, because how can he lose when he’s so sincere? Let’s see how Bryan is Contributing To The Discourse… Oh, hey! It is a twofer! On Friday, Fischer made a bitter butthurt joke about buttsex, and then Tuesday he followed up by blaming Mormons, because although they share Fischer’s rabid homophobia, maybe they also have a secret plan to bring back polygamy! That there is some logic. Read more on Bryan Fischer Still Obsessed With Boy Scouts’ Firm Young Buttocks…
  be prepared to be gay

The Boy Scouts Go Gay And Everyone Is Butthurt About Buttsecks

So there was big Boy Scout news yesterday, where the Boy Scouts are gonna go gay all of a sudden. There are really three acceptable ways to react to this bit of news. First, there is the “meh, don’t care because Boy Scouts or am a lady person or whatever” reaction. There’s also the “wooooooo yay gays” reaction. Last, there’s the “yay for this but sucks that you still can’t be a gay grown-up and be affiliated with scouting” position, of which yr Wonkette is a proud member. Or, you can toss all the reasonable responses right out the window and go straight to OHMYGOD LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IS OVER: Read more on The Boy Scouts Go Gay And Everyone Is Butthurt About Buttsecks…
  what you need is a big strong hand

Bryan Fischer: Teh Gheys Can’t Be Scouts Because Scout Oath Says No Weaklings

Sorry, Homosexual America, but Bryan Fischer is thinking about You People again. By golly, it’s almost as if Bryan Fischer can’t think of many things other than gay people. This time, the mouthpiece for the American Patriarchy Association is having kittens over the possibility that the Boy Scouts of America may vote to allow sodomites to be Scouts. Never mind that the BSA already does and always has, of course; we’re talking about the really dangerous kind of sodomites, the ones who don’t quietly pretend to be straight, you know. We don’t have any particular fondness for this little paramilitary organization, which we dropped out of after being unable to say “Webelows” “Webelos” without breaking into fits of snickering, but if gay kids want to be Scouts, we say go for it. Read more on Bryan Fischer: Teh Gheys Can’t Be Scouts Because Scout Oath Says No Weaklings…
  it's a smelly one

Your Guide To The Boston Manhunt Friday News Dump

Good morning afternoon! We thought maybe you would be wanting a respite from everybody yelling about how any Muslim suspected of anything should be deprived of due process and tortured, so we put together a little list for you — believe it or not, other things have happened. Indeed! They happened yesterday, while everybody was paying attention to the Boston drama, so nobody really noticed, as was obviously the whole point. So let’s take a look — who took advantage of a dead guy and a manhunt to get their dirty laundry taken care of? Read more on Your Guide To The Boston Manhunt Friday News Dump…
  "morally straight" means get the hell out

Your Annotated Guide To Tony Perkins Wanting To Sacrifice Gay Boy Scouts

Yes, in case you didn’t know, Your Wonkette is indeed subscribed to receive emails from the Family Research Council — how else would we figure out the appropriate talking points to justify our medieval notions of a chaste society where God rules all and sluts are flogged? Usually, it is just some nonsense about how Obama’s universal preschool proposal is bad because the real problem with kids is single mothers. Yesterday, though, we got a really good one! It is about letting gays into the Boy Scouts, because apparently people are still really into that issue, and it is so impressive because there are just so very many euphemisms for “fuck those kids, they’re weird.” We would like to take a stroll with you, through this email, to appreciate its wondrous, dissembling platitudes! Read more on Your Annotated Guide To Tony Perkins Wanting To Sacrifice Gay Boy Scouts…
  would you like a badge little one?

Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model

It is an intractable and inviolable part of the Boy Scouting Code (which is in Comic Sans on someone’s old Compaq) that gays and lesbians cannot serve in any Scouting capacity, because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do. However, Robert White of Milford, Connecticut, was a part of the Girl Scouts, and he’s heterosexually harassing women, so he’s got a future career ahead of him once he’s finished his sex offender registry. Robert White, a former member of the board of directors for Girl Scouts of Connecticut, was arrested this week amidst allegations he exposed himself to two female employees while at work, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president. Thankfully, though, he did not expose himself to male co-workers. That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult. Read more on Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model…
  the epic war of homosexuality and our baked goods

House Hopeful Says Girl Scouts Are Lesbortionists

Despite the encouraging fact that your President Obama hates the Girl Scouts, Real AmeriKKKA knows that this lady-driven NGO is just a haven for rug-munching, carpet-licking, hole-fisting feminazis! Or at least that’s what Republican Hans Zeiger, House candidate from Washington, wrote once, on these very Internets! Yes, it seems this handsome twentysomething gent with the Palinesque spectacles (who serves as an Assistant Scoutmaster in the totally non-rapey Boy Scouts of America!) hates little girls and their dreams. And man, is he pissed that the bitches get all the good press! Here’s a gem from a few years ago: Read more on House Hopeful Says Girl Scouts Are Lesbortionists…
  the trix rabbit

Robert Gates Hates All Children Who Aren’t Boy Scouts

Defense Secretary Robert Gates addressed this week’s Boy Scout Jamboree, the most important event in our nation’s history, because SOMEBODY couldn’t bother to come. The Wall Street Journal described Gate’s speech as “cranky” — just because he attacked the character of innocent young (non Boy Scout) Americans, who are “increasingly physically unfit.” Read more on Robert Gates Hates All Children Who Aren’t Boy Scouts…
  how convienient

Obama Going On ‘The View’ Instead of Going To Boy Scout Thing

President Barack Obama will do just about anything to avoid his most important duties in office, which involve, as Chuck Norris pointed out, doing Boy Scout stuff. The latest chapter in Obama’s conspiracy against America’s boy industry is that he’s now blaming his absence at this year’s Jamboree on a scheduling conflict: He is taping The View on Wednesday. Why does Obama continue to disrespect our brave children in uniform? Read more on Obama Going On ‘The View’ Instead of Going To Boy Scout Thing…
  internet joke

Chuck Norris Is Hot On the Trail of Obama’s Boy Scout Conspiracy

Martial artist and famed Mike Huckabee supporter Chuck Norris has some sort of column on WorldNetDaily, and in the past few weeks he has exposed Barack Obama’s secret hatred of the Boy Scouts. Obama, you see, refuses to acknowledge the Boy Scouts, who are apparently very important in public policy and global affairs, and he also refuses to attend their anniversary jamboree thing. BUT THAT IS JUST THE TIP OF ICEBERG. Read more on Chuck Norris Is Hot On the Trail of Obama’s Boy Scout Conspiracy…
 

Guess What The Anti-Gay Scout Leader Was Arrested For?

Why, it was for doing little boys! Eugene A. Evans, leader of the Berkeley Sea Scouts for 35 years, was arrested last Tuesday after four little boys told investigators they had played tummysticks with him. Evans, who once sued the city of Berkeley for being nice to gay people, faces 19 counts of kiddie-fucking. But that doesn’t mean he’s gay! Or a pervert! He totally likes the ladiesssss, and stuff. Read more on Guess What The Anti-Gay Scout Leader Was Arrested For?…
 

See, This Is Exactly Why We Need a Constitutional Amendment Outlawing eBay

Loudon County contractor John A. Andrews II laid to rest a controversy over the authenticity of an American flag he purchased on eBay said to have been flown atop a construction crane at the Pentagon in the wake of the 9/11 attacks. Andrews had two Boy Scouts and a Loudon County Boy Scouts commissioner cut the stars out of the flag and burn it in two metal drums filled with burning oak logs–a method, the AP reports, that “followed one of several methods outlined in Scout protocol.” Read more on See, This Is Exactly Why We Need a Constitutional Amendment Outlawing eBay…