The Wrestler is a sad little story about Randy “The Ram” Robinson, a washed-up wrestler who spends his wages from his job at the supermarket on tanning sessions, hair appointments (for that fried, bleached-blond look) and the ‘roids. He devotes his whole life to the weekend, where he wrestles in local community centers and town halls for whatever money is thrown his way. MORE »

Everyone in Washington is stuffing their faces with acids and toxic poisons in order to be beautiful for the inauguration! This is a good thing, because maybe it will save our faltering cosmetic surgery industry, at least for a little while. MORE »

There is something very charming about how cheaply and how obviously Joe Biden indulges his personal vanities. Surely he knows plastic surgeons and Hair Club type people who could do this stuff quietly and, you know, correctly, but down home Joe from Scranton takes the train home every day! So instead he says, “Oh noes I am losing my hair! I’ll just take these other hairs an’ plug ‘em into my head, in rows, and nobody will know the difference! Here, gimme that glue gun!” and also more recently, “Holy cow my forehead’s a-wrinklin’! Squirt a big heap of that paralytic virus in there and we’ll show America what a real monster looks like!” Now nobody can vote for Barack Obama or Joe Biden, because Joe Biden is a Botox addict. [Washington Post]

* Because what the New American Century really needs is some wife-beating nuke-dropping hard asses. Er, rather, more of them. [Crooks and Liars]
* Café Milano and a red carpet do not a celebrity make. Still, it’s good to see the Fox heads acting like a family, it even looks like Shep and Laurie Dhue have the same botox practitioner. [Fox News]
* When Duke Cunningham gets hookers, he only wants the best, and to be the best, ladies, you got to have these. The alarm feature is also good to distract the Federal agents who just busted into the room while you climb out the window. [Fleshbot]

• Reliable Source Top guns Karl Rove, John Negroponte, Antonin Scalia, Anthony Kennedy, Michael Chertoff, Carlos Gutierrez, John Warner, Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Myers celebrate the Marines’ 230th birthday. . . Bodyguard reportedly followed Dr. Phil to the bathroon of the Capital Grille. [WP]
• Under the Dome: The WB is developing a D.C.-based soap opera that will show “the town