If you haven’t yet had your fill of Presidential candidates repeating the same stock phrases over and over again while being asked “questions” intended to bore everyone to death, you will be truly disappointed tonight (and you seriously need to get a real life). The debates Wednesday and Thursday in Iowa will be the last! CNN announced this afternoon that the Democratic debate originally scheduled for next Monday in Boston has been canceled due to a lack of interest on the part of everyone who has ever had to sit through one. Holiday shopping is scheduled to continue unabated, as is the television writer’s strike that make everyone bored enough to watch multiple candidate debates in the first place. [Boston.com]

So out in Portland, Oregon, this dude named Sam Adams — the city’s commissioner — decided to run for mayor. Local radio hosts registered the domains www.samadamsformayor.com and www.mayorsamadams.com, and they promised to give them to Adams if he discussed his platform on their show. The Boston Beer Company — which owns Sam Adams beer — got wind of Portland Sam Adams and his little “internet sites” and are none-too-pleased with him using his own name. Of similar legal minds as the GW Hatchet, the Boston Beer Company issued a “cease-and-desist” letter to the radio hosts, because they trademarked the name Sam Adams in 1984. As Politician Sam Adams notes, he has been using the name since 1963. No word on whether former NFL defensive lineman Sam Adams is having his life sued also.

Trademark Dispute Of the Day: Sam Adams v. Sam Adams [WSJ Law Blog]

Although Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo is totally a shoe-in to become the next president, the nativist speedaholic is selflessly willing to put it all on the line with a World Series bet against Soxy colleague Mitt Romney. A spokesman for the Tancredo campaign (probably his dog or something) called ABC News this morning with a wager for Mitt Romney: If the Rockies lose the World Series then Tancredo will drop out, if the Red Sox lose then Romney will. It’s a charitable offer to Romney, whose pathetic campaigning has only landed him in first place in both Iowa and New Hampshire polls. The fool can’t recognize a good opportunity when it hits him square in the magic pajamas, and his campaign has rejected the offer. A deflated Tom Tancredo will resume betting on cockfights in the Mexico City underworld. MORE »

More than a few jaws dropped Tuesday when Rudy Giuliani, who once entertained thoughts of working for the Yankees organization and is close friends with former manager Joe Torre, said he was behind the Boston Red Sox in the World Series. Sure, we understand the need for the bullshit stump speech, but Giuliani, who comes from a long line of New York thugs and mobsters, has now decided to shit on the chests of all New Yorkers. MORE »

“‘As part of a routine evaluation of Senator Kennedy’s back and spine, MRI studies picked up an unrelated, asymptomatic blockage in the senator’s left carotid artery,’ said a statement from Kennedy’s Washington office. ‘This morning, Senator Kennedy underwent preventive surgery at Massachusetts General Hospital to remove the blockage.’” [WBZ-TV via Bostonist]

As if Elvis Costello crashing her birthday party won’t be enough, the Hillary Clinton team has announced that alternative rock’s Goo Goo Dolls, who made some song like nine years ago or something, will play Hillary Clinton’s fundraiser in Boston tonight. But in order to hear them perform the majestic “Slide” (that’s the song!) in all its jangly datedness, you’ll have to pay $500 to $2,300 as the “cheap” seats are sold out. How must Celine Dion, whose song “You and I” was selected as the official Clinton campaign theme, feel about Hills’ recent alternarock bent? More importantly, if our next president is a genre-hopper, how will this affect policy towards Iran?

Goo Goo Dolls to Play Clinton Fundraiser Tonight [HillaryClinton.com]

Back in late January, ever-vigilant Boston officials locked down the city and threw it into a panic after various terrifying Lite-Brites were found planted around town. MORE »

You know those traffic-counting gizmos that city workers string across streets to figure out how many vehicles are passing? Well, the brave anti-terrorism officials of Boston most certainly do not know of these common devices — so they shut down the city today, again, and blew up the traffic counter. You know, the traffic counter the City of Boston was paying for …. MORE »

Jim Samples, head of Time Warner’s Cartoon Network, stepped down in disgrace today in the wake his his companies foiled terrorist attack on Boston. MORE »

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Thank our American God the law is coming down hard on these two terrorists. The men were hired by the “Time Warner” company to leave little cartoon things around Boston, which caused a complete shutdown of the once proud city.

Other sinister men left the same comical things all over other, smarter U.S. cities … weeks ago … where they went unnoticed. Meet the new face of evil, after the jump.

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