Wonkette

According to Drudge, Mittens will SURGE to a win in Michigan if exit polls have any say. Mittens leads said unsourced exit polls 34% to McCain’s 28% and Huckabee’s 16%. That sounds about right. But we’re not supposed to trust polls anymore, because of their various New Hampshire-contracted cancers. The Boston Globe, however, notes that independents only made up 25% of voters in this primary, compared with 35% in 2000. So less independents = more usual douchebags determining the outcome = a sparkling bubbly win for Mittens. But you must stay… or the boy dies? [Drudge Report, Boston Globe]

The big news on the Internets this morning: The REQ-edited Des Moines Register issued its coveted endorsements last night, and it’s Clinton for the Demrats and McCain for the Republicans. REQ — real name Carolyn Washburn, which, if you google, will take you to various hate websites — was clearly impressed with the rapidly sinking quality of Hillary’s campaign and the non-existence of McCain’s in Iowa. MORE »

Although Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo is totally a shoe-in to become the next president, the nativist speedaholic is selflessly willing to put it all on the line with a World Series bet against Soxy colleague Mitt Romney. A spokesman for the Tancredo campaign (probably his dog or something) called ABC News this morning with a wager for Mitt Romney: If the Rockies lose the World Series then Tancredo will drop out, if the Red Sox lose then Romney will. It’s a charitable offer to Romney, whose pathetic campaigning has only landed him in first place in both Iowa and New Hampshire polls. The fool can’t recognize a good opportunity when it hits him square in the magic pajamas, and his campaign has rejected the offer. A deflated Tom Tancredo will resume betting on cockfights in the Mexico City underworld. MORE »