Tag Archives: boston

  Making America Grate Again

Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America

That's one Ugly American there
So here’s a charming addendum to Tuesday night’s Donald Trump presser in Dubuque, Iowa, when the Human Flannel Moth deported Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos for being out of line. Once Ramos was out in the hallway, an as-yet unidentified Trump wannabee decided that it was time to give the veteran newsman a good talking-to. Not that the guy knew Ramos was a veteran newsman; all he could see was an uppity foreigner who needed to “go back to Univision.” Read more on Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America…
  YOOOOOOOGE hate crime

Trump Supporters Making America Great Again, By Beating Homeless Hispanic Dudes

Just put a Band-Aid on it, don't be so weak and unprofessional.
Just put a Band-Aid on it, don’t be so weak and unprofessional. As Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo so astutely pointed out, ladies and dude-ladies, we have our “first Trump-inspired hate crime.” It was YOOOOGE. You see, first they pissed on a 58-year-old homeless Hispanic man, which woke him up. Then they beat the shit out of him, with their fists, and with a metal pole of some sort. By the end he had a broken nose and bruises all over, and it was, at least partially, because of Donald Trump: Read more on Trump Supporters Making America Great Again, By Beating Homeless Hispanic Dudes…
  Ricky Has Two Ideas

Rick Santorum Should Try Calling Donald Trump An Asshole If He Wants Any Attention

Can't go wrong with the classics
Nobody is paying any attention to Rick Santorum, who is also a Republican presidential candidate, you know. Sure, an unpopular second-tier one, but still! He is running for president again, look at him, look at him, LOOK AT HIM NOW! So, having conclusively proven in his failed 2012 run that college education is only for snobs and elitists, Rick Santorum (holder of a bachelor’s degree, MBA, and a J.D.) is turning his sights to the abysmal state of elementary schools, which he thinks only teach about gay families because The Creeping Gay has completely taken over Gaymerica. Take note, media, Santorum is speaking! Read more on Rick Santorum Should Try Calling Donald Trump An Asshole If He Wants Any Attention…
  You have a constitutional right to be A Idiot

Freedom-Hating Boston Mayor Asks People Not To Dive Off Buildings, Please

Not that we need any more evidence that the nanny state is totally out of control, but this week, Boston Mayor Martin Walsh proved it yet again, with his freedom-killing press conference. Apparently, what with the HUGE blizzard covering the entire city of Boston in snow — which proves global warming is a dumb liberal hoax — some patriots have decided it would be wicked fun to jump out of buildings and into all that snow, because what could possibly go wrong? But oh no, the mayor, who obviously hates fun and freedom, has asked people not to do that, what a jerk: Read more on Freedom-Hating Boston Mayor Asks People Not To Dive Off Buildings, Please…
  Meet The Neighbors

Boston Cop Calls Guy ‘N-Word,’ Beats Uber Driver, Steals His Car. Because ‘Boston’

Image via WBZ-TV video Early Sunday morning, a Boston police officer used an everyday occurrence, an Uber ride home in the wee hours, to help his department advance its community relations with a groundbreaking new strategy: meet with members of racial minorities, then insult and beat them. Read more on Boston Cop Calls Guy ‘N-Word,’ Beats Uber Driver, Steals His Car. Because ‘Boston’…
  out of the closets and into the streets

Sam Adams Beer Says ‘No Homo, No Promo’ To Boston’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Ready for some afternoon nice time, starring some homosexxicans and beer? Of course you are, because you probably started drinking circa 11 a.m. today anyway because you are a goddamn hero. So, you’ll recall that as the venerable vomit-fest that is the South Boston Saint Patrick’s Day Parade approacheth, there remains a wee bit of controversy over the fact that while teh gheys can march, they cannot in any way identify their gayness, because of the tender eyes of the Irish, we think. Now, before you go all blah blah First Amendment why can’t teh gheys bedazzle themselves in gay glitter and march, let’s get that out of the way. The gays can’t march because the parade is run by a private entity that does not like the gays. It is not run by the gubmint. Therefore, parade can do what it wants. Unjust, but legal. Where were we? Oh, yeah, Boston. Skies have been darkening for a while over this parade because Boston’s mayor, Martin Walsh, has refused to march, a group of gay vets won’t march because they can’t display any homosexual propoganda, and now, in the cruelest blow of all, Sam Adams is pulling out of the parade. Once you’ve lost Sam Adams, you’ve lost America. Read more on Sam Adams Beer Says ‘No Homo, No Promo’ To Boston’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade…
  dial m for mayor

Old Handsome Joe Biden Calls Every Martin Walsh In Book, Gets New Boston Mayor Eventually

Old Handsome Joe Biden accidentally called the wrong Martin Walsh Tuesday night to congratulate him on being elected Mayor of Boston. Instead of reaching the new mayor, OHJB called a former Ted Kennedy staffer with the same name, starting the conversation with a friendly “You son of a gun, Marty! You did it!” After Walsh cleared up the mistake, the two chatted a bit, and Biden then called the right Martin Walsh and left a congratulatory voicemail. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Calls Every Martin Walsh In Book, Gets New Boston Mayor Eventually…
  don't look back

Liveblogging Our DVR Recording Of Bamz’s Affordable Care Act Speech In Boston

Oh, Barry, that’s a hell of a nice way to handle hecklers: “You’re at the wrong rally! The climate change rally was back in June!” And hey, hecklers, good chanting! We kind of understood you, which is a step up for presidential speech-hecklers, so that’s kind of a win, too. Everybody’s a winner! That was easily the most interesting moment in the speech, which was a refreshing counterpoint to the death march of terrible Wizard of Oz jokes at this morning’s grilling of HHS Secretary Cruella DeVille Kathleen Sebelius. So with the magic of our tax-deductible DVR, a bit of post-liveblooging! Read more on Liveblogging Our DVR Recording Of Bamz’s Affordable Care Act Speech In Boston…
  they dont want to go on the cart

Global Nice Time: Fewer Kids Dying Of Horrible Diseases, Hooray!

With Congress back and threatening to ruin any chance of sound and effective government, is there anywhere in the world to look for good news? Have no fear, Glorious Readers, for we scour the globe, and when the globe isn’t filing restraining orders against us, we find good stuff for you. Like this, per ABC News: Childhood death rates around the world have halved since 1990 Hooray! That sure sounds nice. Less kids around the world are dying. We bet it’s because private enterprise, unconstrained by burdensome government regulation, has been seeking to steadily reduce the number of children under the age of 5 who die from things like malaria, pneumonia and diarrhea, right?  Read more on Global Nice Time: Fewer Kids Dying Of Horrible Diseases, Hooray!…
  hot pix

Here Are Your Happy Nice Time Launch Party Pictures Of Spilled Beer And Vomit

So here we have this party we had Saturday night. On the left, that is Nadia Naffe, who is the girl who was suing James O’Keefe for ALLEGEDLY trying to rape her in his Rape Barn, and who was stone cold randomly walking past the bar when our buddy Chris Faraone who is the guy we ate acid with in Charlotte and who also claims he killed Breitbart, goes, “Nadia Naffe just stone cold randomly walked past the bar,” and we said GO FUCKING GET HER NOW, IDIOT. Read more on Here Are Your Happy Nice Time Launch Party Pictures Of Spilled Beer And Vomit…
  but what does david lynch think about heineken?

It’s A Happy Nice Time Party Who Could Ask For More?

Hi there. Hiiiiiii. Do you like our new website? One commenter has already sussed out that it is like Buzzfeed but with looser editorial standards and a unicorn-vomit color scheme, which sounds just about exactly right, and pretty much what we were going for, so SUCCESS! Speaking of vomit, the only reason we launched this fershluggineh thing (read, made Lisa launch this thing, and probably also made her cry) was so we could come to Boston and throw a party, which is exactly what we are doing. Say, tomorrow (Saturday) at sixish? READ MORE Read more on It’s A Happy Nice Time Party Who Could Ask For More?…
  we need your love

Strap It On, It Is T-Minus-Four Days To Launch Of Wonket’s Holy Media Empire

Hey now, we are just going to remind you that this coming Friday, Sept. 13, will see the launch of our GLORIOUS EMPIRE as we set happynicetimepeople.com free into the Internet wilds. YOU WILL READ IT. YOU WILL SHARE IT. YOU WILL MAKE SWEET LOVE TO IT, IN YOUR FILTHY MIND. Also a le reminder that we will be having our launch party in Boston this Saturday. Joining me, your Editrix, will be Snipy (who will be our managing editor at HNTP), Doktor Zoom, and Fakakta South, who was all like “I WANNA WEAR A CRAZY DRESS FUCK YEAH I WILL FLY MYSELF TO BOSTON.” And dudes, she is a knockout, so be ready to be an idiot. The party, hosted by us, DigBoston, and Heineken, will be at 6 p.m. at The Tap. We have been promised fights and vomit. Read more on Strap It On, It Is T-Minus-Four Days To Launch Of Wonket’s Holy Media Empire…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Weekend Roundup Of Dumbth

Welcome to another edition of our Derp Roundup, that collection of virtual floor sweepings that are too stoopid to completely ignore but not worth a full-length post. To start with, let’s give an Excellence In Trolling medal to the sometimes-funny Andy Borowitz, whose New Yorker piece this week was characteristically meh, but managed to fool a few people, including Stupidest Guest Blogger On the Internet Mara Zebest, over at Gateway Pundit, whose impassioned overreaction — “Obama is a thin-skinned man-child and the laughing stock of the world” — doesn’t really depend on the veracity of the source material anyway. After commenters pointed out that Borowitz is satire — and a commenter whined about Obama being elected by “low information voters who get their info from Hollywood and comedians” — Zebest pulled the article, but it’s preserved by the magic of Google cache. Thanks, internet! Wonkette wishes a speedy recovery to Jim Hoft, and is exploring the possibility of asking Andy Borowitz to run a story about the $3150 that Gateway Pundit owes us. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Weekend Roundup Of Dumbth…
  things that make you go boom

Boston Mayor Will Show Detroit How Much He Loves It By Blowing It Sky High

Oh, Boston. Why don’t you do right like those other cities do? We gave you some tongue-kissing-level love yesterday when we found out you’d feed the poors. We scheduled a visit to your fair town that will be economy-stimulating because we drink a lot. (A LOT.) How do you repay our affections? YOU DO NOT. You spurn our love by your mayor Thomas Menino saying that he would like to visit Detroit so he could blow it up. Wait, what?? Read more on Boston Mayor Will Show Detroit How Much He Loves It By Blowing It Sky High…