The race to fill Ted Kennedy’s ample seat in the Senate is heating up like a corpse in the summer tide! (Sorry, Denby.) Curt Schilling, world champion quarterback for Boston’s “Mighty Ducks,” loves George W. Bush and jacking off in bloodstained sock, so he is qualified to be the Republican candidate. Schilling, heir to his family’s spice fortune, joins a crowded Republican field that includes former Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey and pretty much nobody else. MORE »

One detail in the “famous Harvard professor whom even non-academics may have seen on that TV special with Oprah looked like scary intruder to neighbor” story that did not make sense was that part where the neighbor — the lady who called the cops was a neighbor — did not recognize the famous Harvard professor trying to get into his own house. Well, now we have our answer: sounds like the scary intruder she spotted may have been his cab driver. MORE »

Ha ha, so, funny story: a traveling Marine packed enough ammunition and explosives in his checked luggage to blow up, hmm let’s say a Pliosaur, and nobody really noticed or appeared to care until his luggage was inspected by TSA workers during a layover in Boston.Thus concluded the first incident in recorded history when TSA goons did something useful. MORE »

Holy wow, what is this insane microtarded homunculus parading through the streets of Boston with an inflatable Elmo? Why it’s our president, of course, in tighty whities, protesting the very taxes he will raise, someday, on our nation’s elites! This is the most frightening photograph Wonkette Beantown Operative Garrett Quinn has ever sent us. MORE »

OMG WTF OCTOBER SURPRISE everybody!!! Barack Obama has a number of paternal relatives, many of whom he has met once or not at all, because they come from a secret Marxist madrassa in the foreign city of Kenya, Africa. One of his Kenyan relatives is an aunt whom he has actually met a couple of times! She came to his swearing-in in the Senate in 2004 and has been living in Boston for a while, although he hasn’t heard from her for about two years. MORE »

A Boston area cable news host thinks Bill O’Reilly is such a dangerous “mental case” that he should not be the guest of honor at the Boston/New England Emmys. This brave crusader even offers up evidence that O’Reilly’s crazy loofah rants are signs of an actual personality disorder or something. MORE »

Robert Somma, the poor humiliated Bush-appointed bankruptcy judge who was recently arrested in a cocktail dress, fishnets, and stylish pumps after crashing his Mercedes into a pickup while allegedly drunk, announced this weekend that he would resign from his post. MORE »

Poor Judge Robert Somma’s night of harmless dressup fun came to an abrupt and embarrassing end when he got arrested for drunk driving. Last week the Boston-based judge’s wife was out of town, so he put on his most glamorous cocktail dress, slipped on some fishnets and a pair of heels, grabbed his purse, and drove up to New Hampshire for an alleged “two gin and tonics.” Several hours later he rear-ended a pickup with his Mercedes sedan and the rest is humiliating history. MORE »

Have you ever been to a sporting game, or a fraternity party, or maybe a Mike Huckabee rally? At all three, you can find drunk college students from Arkansas, and you can also hear rock and roll band Boston’s “More Than A Feeling” played on repeat. Unfortunately for President Huckabee, Boston wants to exclude him from this elite club of fair use and is asking him to stop playing the song. Says songwriter Tom Scholz, “I think I’ve been ripped off, dude!” MORE »

For the second time since September, burglars struck Mitt Romney’s fancy campaign headquarters in Boston. While the original criminals got away with a bunch of computers and a plasma teevee, the losers arrested at 1 a.m. this morning only managed to take a MacBook laptop. Also, this morning’s burglars were drunk. “When the suspects opened the car doors,” the Boston Globe reports, “two open bottles of Budweiser tumbled to the ground.” MORE »

I don’t know why I keep building up false hopes, but the Paultard Blimp’s expected launch from Elizabeth City, NC this morning has been postponed again. Now the Blimptards won’t fly until Friday morning, although they still expect to teabag Boston by Sunday. My ass! Why must they be the purveyors of such false hope? And how can we assume, with even a modicum of confidence, that this will fly at all — that it’s even real! — when the reason for the latest delay is that they can’t get the banners ready in time? Let’s see what Ron Paul Forums has to say about this incompetence. MORE »