Wonkette

If you’ve ever wondered how to get your hands on some nice whale tranquilizers, wonder no longer: just emigrate to the U.S., get deported, say something inoffensive like, “I would prefer not to return to the Congo, because I am a journalist and they will kill me there,” and a representative from the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency will happily inject you with massive doses of frightening antipsychotic drugs like Haldol. No diagnosed psychotic disorder? No problem! You are still entitled to a horrifying drug cocktail that will leave you immobilized and hallucinating for days while your swollen tongue returns to its normal size. [Washington Post]

• President Bush signs border fence bill that neither himself nor Democrats think will actually get built, or if built, do any good. [WP, NYT]

• Opponents of gay marriage cheer pro-gay decision from New Jersey court, hope it will motivate large numbers of anti-gay voters whose homophobia had been dormant. [WP, NYT]
• IRS commissioner’s dubious ethics largely ignored by White House’s ethics lawyer who is his wife. [NYT]
• Hedging their bets for the next Congress, some corporations make last minute contributions to Democratic candidates. [WSJ]
• In a campaign season with record ad spending, you still only remember the ridiculous ones. [WP, WSJ]
• Gas prices may be down, but Exxon-Mobil’s profits aren’t. [WP]
• Black voter turnout negatively affected by ” past shenanigans,” positively affected by hatred of the Bush administration. [NYT]
• Donald Rumsfeld takes criticism from Republicans who don’t have a pressing campaign requirement to be against him, they just are. [WP]

As reported earlier, some jackass who got thrown off the Donald Trump show is running for Congress in Pennsylvania. Obviously, this requires that he go to the Rio Grande and harass Mexicans while his retarded friend tries to operate a home-video camera. MORE »

While the idea of a failed reality show contestant running for office offends and repulses us, we simply cannot deny a good gimmick. And this one, well, if you could fit sex into it, it might work as a grand statement on the 2006 midterm elections as a whole. MORE »

• House ethics committee to investigate lawmakers handling of information concerning safety of Capitol pages, has no jurisdiction over now-resigned Foley himself. Hastert’s, “I haven’t done anything wrong” looking to be the, “I am not a crook” of the 21 st. century. [WP, NYT]

• Nice background piece on Hastert, his rise to speaker, and how he’s been eating out for every meal since 1986. [NYT]
• Completely crappy background piece on New Media’s role in politics, focuses on Drudge, mentions several radio shows. [WP]
• Border fence legislation must climb many obstacles to get built, irony lost on all. [WP]
• “White evangelical or born-again Christians” rethinking allegiance to GOP. [WP]
• Former Foley challenger, and soon-to-be Foley seat-taker Tim Mahoney’s campaign slogan, “to restore integrity to public office” attracts voters who want a candidate that can see the future. [WSJ no sub. req.]

• George Allen and Jim Webb “meet” Tim Russert. Divided on Iraq policy and footwear choice, they share hatred of French, love of chaw. [WP, NYT]

• Project “BioShield” supposed to build stockpiles of vaccines, so far has only made headaches. [NYT]
• National security adviser Stephen Hadley spent Sunday answering questions on TV, admitted, “Nobody knows what humiliating treatment is.” [USAT]
• DHS soliciting proposals for technology based border security solutions, everything short of “giant death-ray” being considered. [WP]
• Pope puts 14th-century Byzantine emperor’s foot in his mouth, issues “my bad” to Islamic world. [WP, WP]
• Sweden votes out Socialist government, elects new center-right prime minister, who would still be considered far-left in US. [NYT]

Following on the heels of last week’s Canadian Terror Panic, we learn that our useless do-nothing government has no plans to seal the border. MORE »

Oh man, Olmert, we were going to ask you! Best we can come up with is a big-ass wall, but you’re well ahead of us on that one. MORE »

• CIA’s extensive anti-terror program goes largely unchallenged despite increasing criticism of surveillance tactics; Bush is a firm believer in the covert effort. Official: “Everything is done in the name of self-defense, so they can do anything because nothing is forbidden in the war powers act. It’s an amazing legal justification that allows them to do anything.” [WP]
• Bush pardoned 11 people last week; “he seems inclined to show mercy to people who have surmounted their mistakes.” [USAT]
• Laura Bush “blends private advice with understated public prodding, using her ample popularity as ballast for her husband.” [WSJ]
• With scrutiny over Jack Abramoff, lawmakers say no to free tickets to sporting events. [WSJ]
• New line of succession at the Pentagon ranks the undersecretaries for intelligence, policy and acquisition ahead of the secretaries of the Army, Air Force and Navy. Expert: “Rumsfeld doesn’t do things randomly. His inner circle is the key group.” [WP]
• Gen. Peter Pace clarifies his disagreement with Rumsfeld: it was a non-disagreement. [NYT]

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• Military requests $3.9b to prepare Iraqi forces for a reduced American presence; Bush’s “strategy for victory” would rely on a “smaller, more lethal” American force. [NYT]
• Bush: “I want to defeat the terrorists, and I want our troops to come home, but I don’t want them to come home without having achieved victory. . . Quitting is not an exit strategy.” [WP]
• Administration vows to respond to E.U. questions concerning secret CIA prison locations in Europe. [WP]
• Republicans strongly denounce Rep. Randy Cunningham’s conduct in an effort to distance themselves from bribery scandal. [NYT, LAT]
• Businessman under investigation in Cunningham case supported 32 House members or candidates and raised over $100,000 for Bush’s re-election. [USAT, USAT]
• Bush continues promotion of his border security plan; raises $1.3m for Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) and $450,000 for Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (R-CO). [WP, NYT]
• R. Glenn Hubbard, the former chairman of Bush’s Council of Economic Advisers, calls the president’s Medicare plan “unwise”: “The current Social Security and Medicare systems are on an unsustainable path. . . The drug benefit is a new entitlement. This isn’t sustainable over the long haul and I don’t think it’s sustainable even over the next five years.” [WSJ]

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• Viveca Novak’s testimony is said to be central to Karl Rove’s defense. Source: “This is what caused [Patrick Fitzgerald] to hold off on charging.” [WP]
• Interest groups and individuals are increasingly “concluding that the commingling of money and politics has gone too far”; lobbyists and lawmakers are “now facing what could be a wave of prosecutions in the courts and an uprising at the ballot box.” For the first time, the “public’s negative feelings exceeded its positive feelings about both political parties at the same time.” [WP]
• Rep. Randy Cunningham (R-Calif.) resigns after pleading guilty for accepting $2.4m in bribes: “In my life, I have known great joy and great sorrow. And now I know great shame.” [WP, NYT, WSJ, LAT, USAT]
• Bush promotes his guest-worker program and advocates border security measures: “The American people should not have to choose between being a welcoming society and a lawful society. We can have both at the same time.” Proposals face uphill battle in Congress. [WP, NYT, WSJ, WT, NYT, USAT]
• Cheney’s office has not been forthcoming with disclosure of travel expenses. Center for Public Integrity: “[T]he public is kept largely unaware of where he and his staff are traveling, with whom they are meeting and how much it costs, even though tax dollars are covering the bill.” [WP]
• Administration moves to hype the advances of the Iraqi Army, “a move designed to shore up domestic support for the Iraq war while setting the stage for a reduction in U.S. military troops next year.” [WSJ]

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• Karl Rove is under pressure in the White House to, “at a minimum,” issue an apology; Patrick Fitzgerald may still charge him with making false statements. Strategist: “Karl does not have any real enemies in the White House, but there are a lot of people in the White House wondering how they can put this behind them if the cloud remains over Karl.” [WP]
• Democrats are trying to frame ‘06 to their advantage; slogan “Together, American Can Do Better” is displayed at events and national platform will be unveiled. [NYT, LAT, LAT, WT, USAT]
• Congressional Democrats join John McCain in calling for better treatment of detainees. [WP]
• Scott McClellan’s “credibility is already on trial,” his “reputation has been left dangling in the glare of the television lights.” [NYT]
• Tuesday’s gubernatorial elections in Virginia and New Jersey will be an “early measure” of ‘06. [WSJ]
• Bush will be met with widespread anti-Americanism on his upcoming trip to South America. [WP, WSJ]
• Administration’s flu plan criticized on Capitol Hill. [NYT]
• House Republicans are willing to cut food stamp program for 300,000 legal immigrants in effort to shave down the budget. [WP]
• Lawmakers turn out in force for funeral of Rosa Parks. [WP, NYT]
• Harry Reid’s idea for a closed-session originated from Tom Daschle. Charles Schumer: “My phones have been ringing off the hook… It has played far better than we had thought.” [WP]
• Former Deputy Interior Secretary said Jack Abramoff offered him a job while he was at the department. [NYT]
• Michael Chertoff unveils border security plan. [USAT]