Wonkette

*BORDER PATROL HEROES SAVE AMERICA FROM HIBERNO-FASCISM!* Proving Tom Tancredo right, a terrorist almost managed to sneak across our porous Mexican border Monday night, except that he was captured and deported by the Border Patrol. Also, he was Irish. Arthur Treacher’s franchisees across the nation breathed a sigh of relief at the foiling of this red-headed menace!

A potential disaster was averted by quick-thinking border guards at LAX as they revoked the work visa for diminutive British pop star Lily Allen. Thanks to red tape and foreigner-coddling laws passed by the liberals in Congress, they weren’t able to evict the sinister pixie from the country altogether, but without her visa she will be unable to infect American minds with her ultra-catchy brand of reggae-infused pop. MORE »

Comedy routines once again became reality today when a California company agreed to pay a $5 million fine for employing illegal aliens to build the border fence between San Diego and Tijuana. MORE »

The Washington Times reports that the brave patriots voluntarily patrolling the southern border armed only with folding chairs and the equivalent of gaydar for finding Mexicans aren’t so good at watching their own money, which has vanished like so many wetbacks in the desert night. MORE »

• In speech tonight, Bush will call for thousands of National Guard troops to be deployed along the southern border as a temporary solution; “a number of Democrats and even a few key Republicans” have already “voiced skepticism or outright opposition.” Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.): “That’s a short-term fix, and I’m not sure that’s a very wise fix.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• GOP reaches out to activist base as Christian conservatives seek action on controversial issues such as gay marriage and abortion. [NYT, WSJ]
• Fearing their own political futures, House and Senate Republicans are increasingly divided and disloyal. [WP]
• Reports of domestic call logging “seemed to fly in the face of months of public statements and assurances from President Bush and his aides,” who have been “punctilious in discussing” NSA programs. [WP]
• Views of call logging split along party lines but strong majorities are concerned it’s just the tip of the iceberg and support congressional hearings. [USAT]

MORE »