Wonkette

Good news, Obamatards with tickets to Barack Obama & the Decemberists’ big concert at Mile High Stadium: You are encouraged to go through 10 miles of security lines and enter the INVESCO outdoor FEMA detainment camp at 1 p.m., a half day before Obama will speak. Also, you can’t bring booze. Also, there will be no booze for sale. Hope sucks. Read the whole terrifying list of fun weapons and drugs and animals you CANNOT bring to the greatest football game on Earth, after the jump. MORE »

Well, this is a terrible disappointment. The City of St. Paul decided to charge bars $2500 for a license to stay open till 4 a.m. during the anxious, angry slog known as the Republican National Convention — an event to make a drinker out of anyone — not a single establishment has applied. A POX ON ALL THEIR HOUSES. MORE »

Here is some proof that America’s lobbyists remain some of the world’s sturdiest boozers: employees of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce recently ran up an $8,204 bar tab in a single wild evening celebrating the end of their softball tournament at The Exchange. And then they acted like a bunch of cheap whining assholes, complaining that the bill included an 18 percent tip. So what were these drunk idiots ordering, Nebuchadnezzars of champagne from Thomas Jefferson’s secret stash? Alas no, because Ted Kennedy already drank it all. MORE »

The National Democratic Club is a magical place in our nation’s capital where Fat-Cat Democrats go to drink their sodomite faces off and enjoy “exciting new menus” courtesy of Executive Chef Tony Hang. But the party might not be so much fun in the future: the NDC is raising its drink prices like common capitalist swine. MORE »

Meet John Persinger and tell him Happy Birthday, because he just turned 100 years old, at the Hooters. What is his longevity secret? “Good living, I guess. A lot of good food. Steaks, fried potatoes. I sip a little Royal Crown now and then.” Ha ha, don’t worry, he is not drinking down-market carbonated corn syrup. The Des Moines Register informs us that he really meant “Crown Royal.” But what really helps him through life, other than booze and Hooters girls and chicken wings and his famous “fried mush,” is his deep hatred of George W. Bush. MORE »

ALCOHOLIC PROGRAMMING NOTE: It’s State of the Union Day! And that means we’ll have an all-new SOTU Wonkette Drinking Game(TM) for you to play at home, with your friends and liver. How long have we done these SOTU bloggy drinking games? Long enough to make it an institution celebrated by the National Media, hooray! Don’t drink and drive, unless you’re a cop or a Kennedy, and check back in a few hours for the rules and ingredient list. (PS IF YOU’RE HOSTING A PUBLIC DRINKING GAME IN D.C. OR ELSEWHERE TONIGHT, EMAIL US NOW.) [Los Angeles Daily News]

We were invited to last Friday’s Good Magazine party, and we thought about going, but then we forgot and went to the Raven instead that night. This is what we missed: “The bar selection included soy-milk white Russians but no wine, to the horror of many, including me.” Fun! [CP]

So there’s this new book about Bush, because we’ve been tragically underserved when it comes to books about how horrible everything has been since January 2001. In the new tell-all, “Dead Certain,” we learn that maybe some of the White House disasters of the past seven years were actually the fault of George W. Bush himself, with a lot of help from the rest of the inept-yet-criminal clowns. MORE »

* How do people afford DC? [Elaine Meyer]
* Oh, gentrification: “It’s normally not a welcoming gesture when we move into neighborhoods with our noses in the air. It’s usually not good community practice when you are afraid of neighbors who have lived there for years.” [DCSavvy]
* Do you want to live in Petworth? Do you, punk? [Prince of Petworth]
* “Is that a dingleberry on Murtha’s butt?!” Caption that photo. [On Rush Hour in D.C]
* “It’s Summer Time, kids. God I love this…it’s getting hot out. The Nats are playin’. The 4th of July is just around the corner. There’s a whole lot of skin being shown on the streets of DC. And to that end, y’all, it’s time for a Blogger’s Happy Hour.” Oh, yes, Blogger’s Happy Hour. [I Now Pronounce You]

It is the greatest mystery of Our Time: Why is Christopher Hitchens still admired by so many even after he was bamboozled by an utterly manufactured “Islamo-Fascist” nemesis that gave Dick Cheney’s paymasters an open-ended no-bid contract to invade and seize oil-producing lands unfriendly to Western energy needs? MORE »