Ha ha, do you have the pig AIDS, because just about everyone in DC has it! Have you sneezed or coughed at all in the last decade? Then it’s definitely the pig AIDS, and you shouldn’t touch anyone, especially small children or old dying people, because you could kill them. There’s no Tamiflu left, oh well, but there are plenty of places in the District where you can get comfort foods that should help make your impending death by swine a bit more bearable. MORE »

Thursday, June 11: DC has a few issues — high dropout and teen pregnancy rates, an AIDS epidemic, never-ending nonsensical violent crime — but there’s nothing that a cooking competition can’t fix! Get some kids in a room, have them cook a meal made of “surprise’ ingredients,” make some top DC chefs judge the thing, and next thing we know Adams Morgan will be as safe and shiny as Manhattan! MORE »

Wednesday, May 20: There’s no shame if the only charitable contribution you ever make to the District of Columbia is via eating at fundraisers. If a full stomach is your way of saying, “Thanks DC for heightening my chance of getting AIDS and for granting me the opportunity to almost be murdered on multiple occasions,” we highly recommend heading to the Verizon Center today for “Taste of Eleven,” a fundraiser put on by Wizards Care that raises money for the Capital Area Food Bank. MORE »

World Cocktail Week: In this city you don’t need an excuse to drink … ever, really. But for those who like to have a reason to get inebriated (helps you fall asleep? totally understandable), it’s World Cocktail Week. According to the Museum of the American Cocktail (note to self: must go there), the Week was established to “promote a better understanding, appreciation, and respect for the cocktail and its history.” If you’re eager to learn what exactly it means to “respect a cocktail,” Proof, Bar Pilar, Sonoma, Sova, and Gibson are all offering specialty cocktails as part of the celebration. MORE »

It sucks when real holidays and artificial holidays occur on the same day, because then you face far too many opportunities to eat and drink at cheap prices. LIFE IS SO HARD. Today is both Cinco de Mayo and First Tuesday in Adams Morgan. So you can dust off your sombrero, drink really cheap margaritas, pretend to be a mariachi singer and end up streaking down The Mall in sheer delight that the Mexican army beat the French army (remember, this is NOT Mexican independence day) or enjoy food specials and discounts at a bunch of different restaurants and shops in Adams Morgan. One happens once a year, one happens once a month, but both are awesome. Decisions, decisions. MORE »

ANNOUNCEMENT OF INTENT TO LIVEBLOG: Join us at 8:30 p.m. Eastern Time as we begin a long evening of liveblogging Barack Obama’s special money speech to Congress, and Little Bobby Jindal’s special response (Jindal is a minority, too!), and all the usual jabbering dildos on the cable news. REMEMBER TO STOP AT THE LIQUOR STORE AND SPEND ALL YOU HAVE, ON THE LIQUOR. [Tonight's Drinking Game]

It’s been a long hard road, people. We’ve had some hard times, havin’ some hard times still. But fellow Americans, one thing is true, so undeniably true: George W. Motherfucking Bush Junior is gone. Yes he is! Feels good. Feels good knowing that ignorant motherfucker is back in Dallas, let Texas have him back, right? Back with his own goddammned people, the old America, the old dumb America. Let’s drink to Change tonight, and Hope, and to a variety of other words and phrases we expect to hear as President Barack Obama makes his first address to a joint session of Congress. It’s the first-ever historical President Barack Obama drinking game! MORE »

Every store, bar and restaurant on Clarendon Boulevard reflects the fact that the Arlington is a total a bro town, except for one: Galaxy Hut. MORE »

“Did you start Wonakbout today so you could mention the super-fantastic $6 show tonight at The Red & The Black (1212 H St NE)?” MORE »

Well, hopefully YOU have a date for Valentine’s Day, you little minx you. Your Intern the Third will be sequestered, in mourning, at one of the these fine drinking establishments. MORE »

Thursday, Feb. 12: DC Vegan is hosting an event at the Science Club to connect with vegans in the community. You don’t have to be a vegan to go, but, as their website says, you should have an interest in “animal rights” and “a little after-work fun.” Cash bar, 7PM. [DC Vegan Drinks] MORE »