Tag: booze

Stay Up Late: It’s A Thing To Do And The Name Of A Drink

With summer unofficially here and the Shenandoah National Park fire out, what a great time to visit a national park and hoist a cocktail. Also, 2016 is the centennial of the National Park Service, so make it a celebratory...

Cry All You Want, This Handsome Fella Will NOT Be Buying You Sluts Any Drinks!

Because he is a Man Going His Own Way, ok? Your Monday Cringefest!
OH YEAH BABY EAT IT

Here’s Your Wonkette Christmas Menu, To Put Inside Your Face

Happy Christmas Eve, elves and lady elves, are you in the mood for Wonkette to cram your throatholes with goodness? Then let's get our shopping lists ready so we can prepare the traditional Wonkette Christmas Feast, which has been...
You want this. It doesn't matter if you like candy corn OR Jello.

These Candy Corn Jell-o Shots Will Feed Your Sweet Tooth, With Booze

We are eating Candy Corn Jell-O Shots for Halloween. Coconut, orange, and pineapple gelatin with vodka -- party in the test kitchen! The best part about this recipe is that is doesn’t taste like Candy Corn at all. Remember nibbling...
Shoe, gourd, either way you're going to Hell!

In 1979 Sermon Against ‘Life Of Brian,’ Young Mike Huckabee Was Already One Biggus Dickus

Now that he's "running for president" again, very serious contender Mike Huckabee has to endure all sorts of embarrassments, like people quoting all the dumb things Mike Huckabee has ever said. It just comes with the territory -- the...
We trade weed for beer! It's like Settlers of Cattan, but more fun!

Vermont Heroes Taking Your Booze Hostage For Legal Weed

Some Vermont legislators have a pretty compelling argument: If the state won't legalize marijuana, then how about we prohibit all recreational drugs? State Reps. Jean O'Sullivan, a Democrat, and Christopher Pearson, a Progressive (really!), have filed a bill to...
Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

Tennessee Makes Jesus Your Savior for You, How Nice

Tennessee’s legislative filing date is this Thursday, and the representatives of the Volunteer State have come out in full force to give us all a laugh, which really is their only job when you think about it. In the great...
Hey ladies! GOP wants you to run for Congress!

Pennsylvania Gov Wants To Make It Easier For The Ladies To Buy Booze And Make Him Some Sammiches

So this is a little awkward. Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett (R-Obviously, As You Shall See) has a swell idea to reach out to the ladies, because we all know how great Republicans are at that. (That's sarcasm. Lots of...

Obama’s State Department Full Of Gutter Alcoholics

We are in the wrong bidness. For serious, we thought that blogging meant we could be drunk all the time (check), work in our pajamas (check), and rant semi-coherently with terible grammer (check and check). BUT YOU GUYS, we...

Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake

Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter...

Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake

Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter...

Minnesota Governor Offers To End Shutdown, Reestablish Beer Supply

It seems the threat of becoming boozeless in Minnesota was enough to finally motivate Governor Mark Dayton to try to end the shutdown out of fear he'd need to impose order on a state full of stone sober Lutherans,...

Minnesota’s Booze Supply Latest Horrifying Casualty of Shutdown

NOW IT IS SERIOUS. As "the eternal winter of war" continues to defecate all over the once-pristine state of Minnesota, we are hearing terrifying news reports that Minnesota's liquor is running out. Nobody is able get their state-issued liquor...

St. Patrick’s Day: Are You Drunk Yet?

Last week we arbitrarily boozed up to celebrate Mardi Gras boobies, and tonight we arbitrarily drink to celebrate the Patron Saint of Kegs and Eggs. Yes, it is St. Patrick’s Day, the holiest of holy drinking holidays when we...

Official Wonkette Thanksgiving Recipe Comment Post

Sorry we didn't do this yesterday -- we were at Disneyland, haha, just like that pardoned presidential turkey -- but as it's still only 10:30 in the morning on the East Coast and 7:30 a.m. on the West Coast,...

Study: Boozing Bad For Society, Eat Mushrooms Instead

A new study published by Limey scientist-types suggests that alcohol is more dangerous and destructive than heroin! Ha ha, so next time you are drinking alone in your room and mutter "at least I don't inject opiates between my...