ROMNEY’S HOT NEW POTBOILER DUE OUT IN MARCH: Smut merchant Mittens “Willard” Romney will publish a sexy new nonfictional work, No Apology: The Case for American Greatness, an unapologetically graphic 304-page how-to guide to Tantric brain-sex with the awesomest nation on earth. Reserve your copy now! [NBC's Newly Redesigned Local News Sites, Which Are So Purty]

“Quality, not quantity” is an epigram that’s in favor with people who realize that they do not have a sufficient amount of a thing. So, in maybe related news: why, look how many famous authors and Senators from California are in DC this week, peddling everything from memoirs to barely fictionalized romans a clefs about similarly named Senators from California! MORE »

As Sarah Palin proved to a disgusted nation, you don’t need to know how to write or even read to get a book deal in End Times America. All you need to be is a disgraced former beauty contestant who hates the same fruits and coloreds as Red State America, where illiteracy is no barrier to buying, say, a Glenn Beck book at the Wal-Mart. What do you call a dumb bigot with big hair, high heels and a few pounds of makeup? How about America’s Next Top Author? MORE »

The week in books: Famous DC authors of disparate political affiliations will be reading from their non-fictions concerning various governmental issues. It’s true! And it’s an adventure starring Gwen Ifill, Henry Waxman, and Albert Camus. MORE »

• JIM DEMINT IS THE REAL MISS SOUTH CAROLINA: South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint has written a new book about Hitler/Obama and the Iran and, uh, the South American countries and like such as: “Part of what we’re trying to do in ‘Saving Freedom’ is just show that where we are, we’re about where Germany was before World War II where they became a social democracy. You still had votes but the votes were just power grabs like you see in Iran, and other places in South America, like Chavez is running down in Venezuela.” Hmm, we’ll wait for this one to come out on DVD. [Washington Independent via Washington Monthly]

There are going to be so many classic literary feuds, literary and otherwise, resolved this week on the DC book tour circuit. MORE »

Once upon a time, this nobody governor in, uhh, one of the southern states, but not a famous one like Florida, got a book deal. He was supposed to write about how to be conservative or something, A Southern Gentleman’s Guide To Being Conservative, but then this nobody governor turned into Mark Sanford, the Sparkin’ Thing, with his soulmate The Argentine Firecracker, and his nice wife The Kindly Wife Who Kept It Together, and basically we were in teevee miniseries territory, so of course Sanford’s publisher has killed his book. What? MORE »

How are you celebrating Jeff Goldblum and Bill Pullman’s victory over the aliens? Wonkette recommends indulging in such earthly freedoms as “third parties,” hallucinogens, and atypical products of M.F.A. programs! Ralph Nader will be around to answer your questions, and Reif Larsen will be around, to tactfully evade your advances. There’s also more, so much more. MORE »

Your Wonkette recently had the pleasure of interviewing Center for American Progress speechwriter and “nouveau literature author” Grant Ginder, who’s just had his first novel, This Is How It Starts, published by Simon and Schuster. It’s in book stores everywhere! But what is it about? The novel follows young Taylor Mark, who moves to Washington D.C. shortly after college and discovers how terrible it is, maybe. Then he runs around and whines like a bitch for a while and even goes to one very important Late Night Shots party. But it’s funny! Roll Call is raving! After the jump, the text our our very embarrassing Gchat conversation with Grant about Mike Allen and the Politico, as well as pictures from last week’s book release party in a Georgetown bar that is literally owned by Ralph Lauren Polo. MORE »

DRUGS, ROCK & BARACK OBAMA: R.U. Sirius, longtime chronicler of and participant in the Cyberpunk-Counterculture Wars, has a new book about rock artists on dope called Everybody Must Get Stoned. And your Wonkette editor interviewed R.U. about these important topics, including how high Barack Obama used to get, back in the day. [True/Slant Part I/Part II]

When Rod Blagojevich lost his cush job as governor of Illinois, everybody wondered how he would ever be able to put food on his family again because he was qualified to perform zero useful functions outside of being America’s Clown. But then he got a book deal and people were all, “Oh hey nice six-figure book deal you got there, even if it’s chicken scratch compared to what you could have gotten in bribes if you’d stayed in office.” Now we “turn the page” on another “chapter” (GET IT???) of this exciting story. MORE »