Wonkette

* A bird took a shit on President Bush. Then he wiped the shit off. [AmericaBlog]
* Fathers keep their daughters out of the clear heels by not naming them “Monica.” [Political Arithmetik]
* John Edwards passes the gay test. [Pandagon]
* “Al Gore has transcended.” [HuffPo]
* Notoriously bad courtesy laugher Ron Paul to be put to the test by Bill Maher. [TechPresident]
* John McCain, Barack Obama, Matt Drudge, and a bong. [Election Central]

* On 4th anniversary of Iraq war, President Bush reminds everyone how great it is, why we should stay. [WP, NYT]
* Meanwhile, Democrats move towards “a withdraw-the-troops bill, not a fund-the-troops bill,” one greased congressional palm at a time. [WP]
* Justice Department considers shutting up one of the fired attorneys with a new job. Hopefully, he’ll also demand a hush-corner office, a hush-oak desk, and a giant hush-jar of only green jelly beans. [WP]
* Patrick Fitzgerald was on the DOJ “enemies list” released in yesterday’s document dump. [WP, NYT]
* Flunkies for Barry O. and Hill Rod have a little spat in front of some college boys over “who would have been more against the war if 2003 was a Presidential election year.” [WP]
* Supreme Court hears “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” case, finds a lack of any bong hits or any Jesus. [NYT]
* Rudy Giuliani: it’s almost as if he’s a real lawyer. [WSJ]

* Metro’s new general manager, John Catoe: “One thing that’s amazed me on my commute is the etiquette practiced by the customers during boarding. Everyone is very good about waiting for the train to unload before boarding. It is great to have that cooperation and it helps us keep the trains moving on time.” [Read Express]
* 1/3rd of DC is functionally illiterate. [Metroblogging DC]
* Sam Smith: “DCist, a website that provides Washington’s gentrifying class with superfluous aren’t-we-clever self-affirmation, dumped on a recent Washington Post article about gentrification in the city.” [City Desk]
* Little India in Woodley Park is not recommended, may have vermin infestation. [Rock Creek Rambler]
* Happy Bong Hits 4 Jesus Day, Kenneth Starr! [Big Sky Girl]

Remember Ken Starr? Hillary didn’t have him murdered He didn’t commit suicide after all! On Monday, everybody’s favorite Church Lady will be arguing a very important case before the Supreme Court. MORE »

* Bush plans to reject the findings of the Iraq Study Group, for spite. [Law and Politics]
* “Click here to add ultra deadly radioactive poison Polonium-210 to your cart.” [Defense Tech]
* New Bush appointee at the Justice Department’s Office of Violence Against Women is unconcerned with violence against women, does want to take your bongs and porn. [Feministing]
* Of “The five most powerful people in America over the next eighteen months,” only one has ever been the “fourth male lead” in Death to Smoochy. [Robert Reich]
* Giant “Republican Rubberstamp Congress” prop to be retired in whatever hilarious fashion you can think up. [Firedoglake]
* The Associated Press’ “Iraqi Police” source in Baghdad turns out to be a “Just Some Crazy Guy” source. [LGF]
* It’s not just Bush, Jim “Problem With Authority” Webb can’t stand Bill Clinton either. [Powerline Blog]

Just because it’s been a while (there just haven’t been any good ones!), here’s Rose Kennedy Schlossberg, granddaughter of JFK, Harvard class of ‘10, in a picture from her Facebook gallery:

Now we have no proof that there’s anything illicit going on here (water pipes are for tobacco, as we all know, and Ms. Schlossberg recently turned 18). Just as we have no proof that, in the picture after the jump, the lovely young lady is not simply holding a bottle of what could easily be juice. And with her family history, we kind of hope it is.

Update: It does appear to be a legitimate hookah — and yeah, that means probably tobacco. The other stuff gums up the works. Still more proof that the second picture depicts young Rose proudly and legally imbibing unfermented grape juice, possibly Welch’s.

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