Tag Archives: boners

  Tossing the Lord's apples

Christian College Kids Now Beaning Gay-Lovers With Fruit For Jesus, Are Too Lame, Always Miss

The evangelical Christians are fighting over the gays, everyone! Specifically, they are fighting at ultra-conservative Wheaton College in Illinois, where a simple nice chapel time turned into a fruit-tossing contest. NO THEY DID NOT THROW GAY PEOPLE AT EACH OTHER, you should not be calling gays “fruits,” anyway, you dicks, did you learn nothing at liberal indoctrination camp? Read more on Christian College Kids Now Beaning Gay-Lovers With Fruit For Jesus, Are Too Lame, Always Miss…
  Salute in your shorts

Pentagon Used Your Money To Give Dudes $84 Million In Boners Last Year

People of the wingnut variety are always yammering on about “outta control government spending!” and “I am being tyrannied into buying SLUT PILLS for all the ladies!” and dumb liberals always say, you know, if they were coming after your Viagra you’d be mad too. One entity that is NOT coming after your Viagra is the United States military. Originally, all patriotic Americans were under the impression that the military was spending about $500K a year on boners,  but the Military Times did some rock-hard-hitting penis journalism and found that the real cost of keeping your men boned up is $84.24 million per year: Read more on Pentagon Used Your Money To Give Dudes $84 Million In Boners Last Year…
  iron curtain covers the glory hole

Chuck Grassley Celebrates Steel By Showing Off His Erection Grime

Wow, there is a lot here. So it is “Steel Day” today in Iowa, according to Chuck Grassley, though there are no results for such an “event” on Google. If we are to believe Grassley, all Iowans know the best way to celebrate your pride in this important hard metal is to whip out your boner in public. But Chuck Grassley’s annual steel boner is particularly special, because it has over 77 years’ worth of grime built up on it. Yes, you are permitted to vomit about this, but only in a steel bucket. A receptacle of any other alloy is disrespectful to Steel Day. Read more on Chuck Grassley Celebrates Steel By Showing Off His Erection Grime…
  cartoon violence

Snowpocalypse Now

By the Comics CurmudgeonOH GOD YOU GUYS HAVE YOU LOOKED OUTSIDE LATELY! There is, like, so much snow! Frozen water! Falling out of the sky! And accumulating, on the ground! YOU GUYS! And yet there’s supposed to be this whole “global warming” thing, which was going to turn the entire planet into a palm-tree-lousy paradise? People are angry! They’re feeling betrayed! Especially the ones who never believed in global warming in the first place! Why does Al Gore hate America, so very much? Read more on Snowpocalypse Now…
  starbursts

Eric Cantor Gets Boner When Obama Talks To Him

Here’s your Loyal Opposition, Republican Eric Cantor, just gushing when Obama sort of says, “What is up, Eric.” So, GOP, blushing baby Cantor is your pick to go to WAR with Barack Obama? Jesus fucking christ, maybe next time send somebody who doesn’t swoon when Mr. President looks his way. [YouTube] Read more on Eric Cantor Gets Boner When Obama Talks To Him…
  omg she winked at me

Conservative Pundit Describes Boner He Got Watching Palin

There was nothing good about Sarah Palin’s debate performance last night, at all. But! Some party hacks are pretending to like it, or say she won, because of how well she avoided saying anything of substance. The “buzz word” regarding the key to her success (among no one) is that she spoke in very “folksy” tones, and they appeal to the Heartland. For the first time ever, our punditry is being lazy! “Folksy” is more of an Ann Richards thing. What Sarah Palin did was called “flirting.” And so far, at least one pundit on National Review‘s The Corner blog has disclosed how much of a boner he got, in potentially the greatest Corner post of all time. Read more on Conservative Pundit Describes Boner He Got Watching Palin…