Wonkette

Because of the damn terrorists, hobos will now have to take off the roaster chickens they use as footwear before boarding planes. In the Chicago area last Friday, a “motorist” noticed a whole roaster chicken, presumably on the road, stuffed not with innards or stuffing or golden trinkets, but with an IED, to blow up America. The bomb was defused by Authorities, and it’s a damn good thing — apparently that was one of those “unfriendly” bombs that hurts people: “Police Capt. Matthew Catania would not describe the bomb, but said it was ‘capable of causing harm to a person.’” Do not eat Roaster Chickens, ever. [Chicago Sun-Times]

Here is presidential candidate and glorified hobo Ralph Nader speaking at the first “Cluster Bomb Olympics” in D.C. yesterday, courtesy of Wonkette hobo-security operative “Nicholas.” The event celebrates the humanity of cluster bombs, which are like clusterfucks, in bomb form. While Obama drew 75,000 people to his little vaudeville act in Portland yesterday, Nader probably got like 20. And that may be just enough to tip this election, again. [Ekklesia]

Now that “Pennsylvania is the new Iowa,” and the Democratic party is dead-set on making everyone hate politics even more, John McCain is going to pretend to be a senator again! Has he already forgotten that he is running for president? Or maybe he thought he never left the Mexican Hanoi Hilton where he was tortured as a baby during the Spanish Civil War? All of these things are true, and this is why he now plans on taking a 10-day “congressional delegation” trip to socialist Europe and communist Middle East. MORE »

One short day after George Bush made official his intention to sell $123 million worth of precision-guided bombs to the Saudis and Congress all but said it didn’t care, the Saudis have announced that, unsurprisingly, they don’t really care if our gas prices are a little bit high. MORE »

Last week the TSA sent an advisory to law enforcement offices across the country warning them that recent suspicious activity could be part of a terrorist dry run. The incidents range from deadly duct tape-wrapped ice packs to bizarre pepperjack bombs like the one pictured above, confiscated from a Baltimore couple. MORE »

* Republicans tend to prefer fiction to non. [The Swamp]
* Mike Huckabee goes to Gitmo for vacay. [Huff Po]
* Wyoming will let anybody be senator. [Political Wire]
* Peter Pace is the kind of brown-nosing, do-as-you’re-told patriot that make this nation great. [Redstate]
* But isn’t only a matter of time before every country has the gay bomb? [IMAO]
* Mitt Romney likens himself to a stool, which seems like the first good reason to vote for him. [PrezVid]

Somebody blew themselves up with got blown up by a “backpack bomb” in a Las Vegas hotel garage this morning. Political experts say it was likely a desperate attempt to send a message to Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons, famous for his drunken assaults in Vegas parking structures. MORE »

* Rudy G. thinks strong early poll numbers mean he gets to play Ronald Reagan. [Captain's Quarters]
* Walnuts McCain deletes his MySpace page, wants to focus on meeting friends IRL. [techPresident]
* Carl “the contrarian” Levin just wants to invade Syria cause everyone else wants Iran. [QandO]
* Bono likes Obama — surprise fucking surprise. [Shenanigans]
* Turning an MS Office document into a .pdf can turn you from a broke cube-jockey to a baller. [Swampland]
* Do explosions in the night make Dick Cheney wet himself, or just wet? [Rude Pundit]
* Lieberman gets lucky, Politico gets sloppy. [Horse's Mouth]
* Drop fifty-grand on a cause as worthy as smearing John Kerry and all you get is a lousy ambassadorship to Belgium. [HuffPo]