Wonkette

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Last week, from Thursday, February 9, through Saturday, February 11, conservative political activists from around the country descended upon Washington for the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). And the Wonkette Welcome Wagon was there to meet them!

Okay, we kinda missed all of the panels, speeches, and events. We didn’t get to hear Ann Coulter rail against “ragheads,” and we missed the mob-scene book signings by blogebrities Glenn Reynolds and Michelle Malkin. Nor did we attend the remarks of self-professed ex-gay Alan Chambers, who said sodomy was like fast food: “It will kill you.” Uh, not if you don’t swallow!

(Remember, boys and girls: as former President Clinton can tell you, the legal definition of sodomy encompasses a wide range of sexual acts. Black’s Law Dictionary defines sodomy as “oral or anal copulation between humans, or between humans and animals.” In other words, it’s not just assfucking!)

We don’t look that drunk, do we? (Photo by the Boi From Troy, blogging at our too-cool-for-school sibling.)

Sorry for that scholarly digression. Although we missed CPAC’s substantive presentations — if Ann Coulter mocking John Kerry as the other “dominant woman in American politics” qualifies as “substantive” — we did show up for the most important part: the drinking!

A chronicle of our misadventures, after the jump.

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As The Post reported this morning, the Virginia Senate has “all but guaranteed” the state will have a fall marriage referendum. DCist highlighted the beauty of adding a marriage ban in the state’s Bill of Rights, specifically following its provision discussing the essential nature of a “firm adherence to justice.” MORE »

We tried very hard to come up with a way to mock the “50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill” without singling any individuals, mostly because we don’t want anyone to get a book deal out of this. Of course, other people have no such hesitation. Thank God. MORE »