bobby jindal
Kissing Congressman Tries Age-Old ‘Ask FBI To Investigate Tape Of My Adultery’ Ploy To Get Spotlight Off His Adultery (UPDATED)
(Updated! See end of post) We all had a good laugh the other day over the trials and travails of the Kissing Congressman, Rep. Vance McAllister (R-Tonsil Hockey), and his sorry-not-sorry apology to his constituents, his wife, his kids, God, social decency, Saints fans, the endangered Louisiana wetlands and who knows who else over his […]
Louisiana Wants To Create Database Of All The Abortions It Won’t Let You Have For Your Safety
If it’s a day that ends in “y,” (and it is, we checked the Google), then it’s a safe bet that someone somewhere is trying to shove their limited-government legislation right up your vagina to protect you from yourself. For “life” and “freedom” and “babies” and “safety” and “stuff.” This is not news; in fact, […]
Your Wonkette Field Guide To America’s New Sweetheart, Cathy McMorris Rodgers
So how about that State of the Union response, huh? No, not Mike Lee, though we’re sure that was adorable. Nope, not Rand Paul. We couldn’t even find his speech. The lady one. No, not the Spanglish-speaking one. The OTHER lady. The one that spoke American but gave the same speech. Cathy John Jacob Jingleheimer […]
Nation Facing Critical Diaper-Pun Shortage As David Vitter Announces Run For Louisiana Luvs, Er, Guv
In a move immediately deemed “good for comedy,” Sen. David Vitter announced today that he will run for governor of Louisiana in 2015. Since Bobby Jindal is term-limited, Vitter will only have to run against less well-known Republicans in the primaries, and already has a pantsload of money to begin campaigning with — even before […]
Duck Dynasty Is The New ‘White Santa’ And Now There Is So Much Derp
We know everyone is shocked — SHOCKED — that a conservative christian reality teevee star thinks that gays are super-icky because who would want buttsechs in the bumbum when the sweet sweet vajayjay is RIGHT THERE for the taking?!? In fact, we know many women who completely agree that the vajayjay is, indeed, rather awesome. […]
Bobby Jindal Explains: Racism Is Stupid Because Aren’t We All Christians Anyway?
Paleoconservative Peter Pan Bobby Jindal has written a thing about how racism is bad. Maybe you read it, because it was the top thing on Politico this morning, goddamn it, August, you suck. Probably some people read it because they’re like “Heck yes Bobby Jindal, racism IS bad and you are an inspiration to us […]
Bobby Jindal’s Plan To Turn Louisiana Into Somalia Nearly Complete
We love a fun fact, so here are a few fun facts to start off your day! First, did you know that Louisiana (as aforementioned) is home to the highest infant mortality rate, the fifth-highest maternal mortality rate, the fourth-worst life expectancy rate, the fifth-highest violent crime rate, the second-highest poverty rate, and the fifth-highest obesity rate in the […]
Sorry Louisiana Olds, Children, Poors And AIDS-Havers, Bobby Jindal Is Taking Your Medicaid
We have important breaking news for you Wonketeers: the first concentric ring of hell exists, and it is Louisiana. Is this a surprise, really? No, probably not: as aforementioned, it is home to the highest infant mortality rate, the fifth-highest maternal mortality rate, the fourth-worst life expectancy rate, the fifth-highest violent crime rate, the second-highest […]
Bobby Jindal Here To Help Grandma Die Sad Painful Death, For Real, Hooray!
Well, at least it is not a post about guns, which is the only thing we can say about it without our head spinning around until it tears itself from our slender neck. News comes that by the end of the month, Louisiana will “save” all of $3 million by discontinuing hospice care for its […]
Bobby Jindal Will Be Louisiana’s Reverse Robin Hood
You know what’s hard? Income taxes. How do we make them fair? Should there be refundable credits? Why do you get a credit for having a kid but not for, say, TOTALLY HOUSING a bottle of Johnny Black on your yacht? Progressive taxation “punishes success” by charging a higher rate to people who make more […]
GOP Needs To Focus On Education, Says Man Whose State Textbooks Say Loch Ness Monster Is Real
Lousiana Gov. Bobby Jindal gave a speech yesterday outlining his version of what the GOP needs to do differently in order to be less like the GOP. Startlingly, there is a way to make fun of it. His prescription: Education! We need to fix education! Which sounds like a great idea, until you take into […]
Oh Look Who Wants the Government’s Help Now (Hint: It Is Bobby Jindal)
Why HELLO Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-Hypocrisy), how is it going down there with that big storm barreling through your state and all? Battening down the hatches and whatnot? Letting the American People provide for themselves without suckling from the government’s teat, because of Liberty and all that? No, of course not! Bobby Jindal is UPSET […]
Louisiana Thinks Funding School Run By ‘Apostle And Prophet’ Is Somehow Constitutional
Louisiana’s exciting experiment in public-school vouchers is steaming forward, providing parents and children with educational excellence and traditional values, hooray! But that’s not all! It’s also an excellent lesson in how the free market can improve education, by taking taxpayer funds from the wasteful public schools and handing it to efficient private schools run by […]
GOP Convention’s ‘We Built It!’ Theme Night To Be Held In Arena That Government Built
In addition to summoning forth dread hurricanes to (probably) destroy any Florida seniors accidentally left standing in the wake of Paul Ryan’s spending cuts, this year’s GOP convention will bring to Tampa (and viewers whose remote controls are just out of reach) a terribly droll spin on President Obama’s recent musings re: whether or not […]
Things You Can Learn In A Christian High School Textbook, For Real (Part I)
As we all know by now, Louisiana is experimenting with freeing their children from the tyranny of the Government Schools, and will soon, maybe, start spending public school funds on vouchers for kids to attend any private school their parents want (unless it’s an Islammy school, of course). And as we also all know, this […]
