Tag Archives: bobby jindal

  wonksplainer

Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall

Congress
Don’t be a hero. Congress is coming back to DC, and you need this. Raise your hand if you are about to get fucked over by Congress. (Hint: All of you should have a hand raised.) Now use the other hand to pour yourself a stiff drink, because you’re gonna need it. Read more on Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall…
  Not that anyone's surprised

Planned Parenthood Sting Videos Are Full Of Bullcrap. No, Even MORE Bullcrap.

Everyone is getting tired of this Are we still talking about Planned Parenthood stealing baby parts from your lady cave, in the dead of night, to sell on Amazon? (Order with Prime and have it by tomorrow!) Yes, we are, groan and growl and MANY EXPLETIVES! Read more on Planned Parenthood Sting Videos Are Full Of Bullcrap. No, Even MORE Bullcrap….
  When the levee breaks Jindal will still be A Idiot

Bobby Jindal Begs Obama Not To Say Dumb Climate Change Stuff On Katrina Anniversary

Obama probably shouldn't mention weather either.
Obama probably shouldn’t mention weather either. Big anniversary happening on Saturday! Ten years ago, Hurricane Katrina made landfall in Louisiana, and the storm and the levee breaches it caused altered the course of history for New Orleans and surrounding areas. And, as governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal knows the city is in danger again, this time from that foreigner president of ours. What if Obama gallivants into New Orleans and says, “Climate change is real,” or “Science exists,” or “Bobby Jindal is a fucking moron”? Something had to be done, so Jindal writed hisself a letter to the president, explaining that the topic of climate change makes him uncomfortable, so please do not say mean words like that: Read more on Bobby Jindal Begs Obama Not To Say Dumb Climate Change Stuff On Katrina Anniversary…
  You don't understand his racism AT ALL

Jeb Bush Only Meant To Do Racism To Chinese Indians, Not Messicans Like Columba

Just Jeb!
LOL you guys just misunderestimated what he was saying! Jeb Bush is still having a hard time figuring out a good name to call the Bad Brown Americans, and he still doesn’t understand why he’s not supposed to say “anchor baby.” Even though he clearly asked the media to please give him some good ideas for what to call the browns, but they’re no help. His Messican wife Columba, one of the Good Brown Americans, probably isn’t any help either, because she knows when her husband says racism against her people, it’s just business, it’s not personal. Read more on Jeb Bush Only Meant To Do Racism To Chinese Indians, Not Messicans Like Columba…
  Waaaaaaaaah

GOP Losers So Mad At GOP For Treating Them Like Losers

Now we just need a tiny violin Oh, look at these poor little cry babies, all in need of a nap: Two weeks after the first Republican presidential debate in Cleveland, several candidates scraping the bottom of primary polls are still seething about their treatment — and ripping party leadership for what they describe as, at best careless, and at worst intentional, decisions that embarrassed them on national TV. Seems the biggest losers in the Republican race — the dried puppy turds on the bottom of your shoe, as it were — are still pouting about how they had to stand in an empty room and pretend to debate each other while most of America was stopping by Kool Chain Bar & Grill for some happy hour apps and frozen blended umbrella drinks before heading home to watch the real Republican presidential debate, starring Donald Trump and nine other people who are not Donald Trump. Read more on GOP Losers So Mad At GOP For Treating Them Like Losers…
  Pretty talk

Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President

Bobby Jindal’s offical portrait. Yes, really. Louisiana Gov. Piyush “Bobby like the Brady Bunch” Jindal is the spittin’ image of racial transcendence. He doesn’t see race, even when he looks in the mirror, because he is a proud American, from America, raised by American immigrants who came to America, so that’s THAT. He is not Indian-American because he doesn’t believe in that sort of radical leftist divisive nonsense, and he’s “done with all this talk about hyphen-Americans.” And he’s so proud of his born-and-raised-right-here-in-America heritage that he’s willing to invoke laws that do not even exist to ensure that his state forever worships the Confederate traitors who declared war on the the United States and tried to leave it. Ah, patriotism. Read more on Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President…
  As Constitutional As They Wanna Be

GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay
Considering that’s an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay You old folks may remember a time when it was actually controversial, back in 2010, when Iowa congressmelon Steve King wanted to trash the 14th Amendment and its guarantee of birthright citizenship, so Our Nation wouldn’t sink to the sea floor under the weight of all those “anchor babies” the illegals were having. Since then, though, a whole bunch of other Republicans have become quite open to throwing the 14th Amendment right out the Overton Window. You see, while some amendments are holy and can never be restricted — like the Second, which preserves all the others at the mere cost of 30,000 dead Americans annually — others have unintended consequences that simply can’t be tolerated, like how the 14th lets Messicans from all over Latin America come here and pop out a bunch of new citizens who have to be treated as if they had rights or something. Read more on GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution…
  Natural Born Idiots

Birthers Doubt Eligibility Of Anyone To Be U.S. President

You'd be surprised how many mollusks are in high office
It’s nice to know that the birthers won’t go away merely because Barack Hussein Obama is finally going to end his illegal eight-year occupation of the White House in January 2017. Now that they’ve studied up a whole lot on what they think is the incontrovertible law of the United States of America, they’ve decided that four of the guys riding the 2016 GOP clown car may also be ineligible to be president because they’re not really Natural Born Citizens. Read more on Birthers Doubt Eligibility Of Anyone To Be U.S. President…
  Breakin' the law breakin' the law

Oh Look Who Is Actually Breaking The Law (Hint: It’s Not Planned Parenthood)

Well, isn’t this ironic, don’t you think? The Obama administration has notified two states that took steps to halt Medicaid funds to Planned Parenthood Federation of America that they may be in conflict with federal law. […] Read more on Oh Look Who Is Actually Breaking The Law (Hint: It’s Not Planned Parenthood)…
  losers

Spoiler: None Of These GOP Jerkholes Are Going To Be President

Today’s Republican Party So there is a presidential election thingy, and it is a mere 15 months away, which means we all get to spend the next year(ish) talking all the words about it, hooray! We get to squint at a trillion polls, and read 10 trillion pixelated Hot Takes, and listen to eleventeen trillion “thoughts” sharted from the derp holes of television fat heads, hooray even more! We even get to spend 31 hours a day debating who gave the Koch brothers the best head, who is maybe heading to prison, who wore it best, who’s up, who’s down, and who the fuck is that on the debate stage? (Oh, it’s Jim Gilmore. Wait, who? Some guy, don’t worry about it.) Read more on Spoiler: None Of These GOP Jerkholes Are Going To Be President…
  Total RINO

Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?

What a RINO
  So here was a weird moment in Thursday night’s Republican debate! John Kasich, who is, science fact, a person running for the GOP nomination, was asked that typical Fox News Republican question: “If we put a gay on this stage right now, will you please beat him up?” And he wouldn’t do it! Instead, he said a big sorta nice thing about how he doesn’t PERSONALLY believe in gay-scissor-based marriage (right, like he even cares), but he would love his gay child, if he had one, AND he went to a gay wedding recently and ate all the gay cake, and it was just great. And then the Republican audience maimed him with the knives they keep in the hollow portions of their Bibles. Read more on Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?…
  Point and laugh at the sads :(

Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing Second Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog

Well hello there! Are you ready to see the loser junior varsity Republican candidates lose some more while they debate each other during loser hour? US TOO! Who knows what’s going to happen? Will Rick Santorum get real stigmata? Will Rick Perry comb his mane the whole time? Will Jim Gilmore try to feel Carly Fiorina on the boobies? Who can say, nobody knows who he is, so we don’t know if he’s a booby-grabbing creeper or not! Join us as we live-blog the inaugural debate of Fuckshow 2016! Read more on Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing Second Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog…
  All your questions answered

Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!

You know, if you're not doing anything else that night LOL
It’s almost here, everyone, it’s almost here! The moment we have all been waiting for (kind of!) comes Thursday night, when the top ten Republican candidates, as chosen by Fox News Science, will show us their junk on live television! Donald Trump is the frontrunner, because a significant percentage of the Republican base is even dumber than the other percentages of the Republican base, and are impressed by loud men who act like they’re overcompensating for small penises and small minds. They’re like, “Awwww, reminds me of Daddy, PBUH.” Except they probably don’t say “PBUH,” because that’s Muslin. Read more on Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!…
  What If He Defunded Planned Parenthood And ACORN At the Same Time?

Bobby Jindal Sticks It To Planned Parenthood By Screwing The Poors

And just wait til you see the lovely menstrual huts that'll bve replacing Planned Parenthood. Right out of Leviticus!
Poor Bobby Jindal. Not going to be president. Not going to make the first debate. Not even likely to stay in the primaries past South Carolina, assuming he gets that far. But maybe, if he can make some grand gestures, he’ll capture the imagination of the teabagger wing and be the GOP’s wonder boy again, like he was before he made an ass of himself with that State of the Union response where people thought he was aspiring to become an actual pine 2X4. Maybe something dramatic, like taking bold action against Planned Parenthood to punish them for running a used fetus-parts brokerage? That might do it. And so on Monday the governor of Louisiana took decisive action, canceling the state’s Medicaid contract with Planned Parenthood, so that the organization that does so much harm to Louisiana’s precious little babbies will be stopped from its infernal deeds. A brave stand, and just the thing to recapture Wingnut America’s heart. Read more on Bobby Jindal Sticks It To Planned Parenthood By Screwing The Poors…
  Mad at our nation's stupidest governor

Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob

Bless his dumbass heart. Or fuck him in the ear. Whatever.
Bobby Jindal, craven asshole: Despite the fact that John Russell Houser had a long history of mental illness and arrests but was able to legally purchase a .40 caliber semi-automatic handgun at a pawn shop, Governor Bobby Jindal repeatedly told reporters he would not talk about gun control. Read more on Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob…
  Guns Don't Kill; RomComs Kill.

Another Guy Shoots Up A Movie Theater. America!

remember, it's all about freedom
It’s been a week since Chattanooga, so we were due for another mass shooting. This time it was a white guy with a gun in a Lafayette, Louisiana movie theater, who shot two women dead and injured nine Thursday night before attempting to flee the theater; when he saw police coming, he killed himself. Read more on Another Guy Shoots Up A Movie Theater. America!…