Tag Archives: bob woodward

  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This is the third in a series of posts made by possible by a generous contribution from The Fartknocker Institute for Sarah Palin Studies. The Sarah Palin Channel continues to take the conservative derp-o-sphere by storm, with her recent jeremiad against Elizabeth Warren settling the minimum wage debate once and for all. With that taken care of, Palin turned her attention to the Kenyan usurper Barack Obama’s obvious impeachable offenses, what with the czars and the decrees and the lawlessness. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah…
  don't get her started on the smoot-hawley tariff

‘Please Stop Laughing At Laura Ingraham’ — Laura Ingraham (Video)

Fox News Sunday was trundling along in a pretty predictable discussion of U.S. American President Barack Obama’s pretty predictable West Point speech, with Laura Ingraham saying that Obama’s statement that America is strong “doesn’t even pass the straight-face test,” because duh, Barack Obama is president, and Bob Woodward saying that there really wasn’t any need for an “Obama Doctrine,” when a bit of teevee news magic happened. Or maybe it was just a cheap shot, but we LOLed. Read more on ‘Please Stop Laughing At Laura Ingraham’ — Laura Ingraham (Video)…
  derp throat

Sad Bob Woodward Would Have Journalismed Edward Snowden Way Better Than That Dumb Glenn Greenwald

Superhero Videogame Star and onetime journalist Bob Woodward has a sad that Edward Snowden talked to other journalists instead of to Legendary Journalist Bob Woodward. Not for his own sake, of course, but for the sake of Journamalism and Standards: “I wish he had come to me instead of others, particularly The Guardian… I would have said to him ‘let’s not reveal who you are. Let’s make you a protected source and give me time with this data and let’s sort it out and present it in a coherent way.’” OK, sure, we really would have liked just about anything that might have put the focus on what the NSA was doing, rather than turning the whole discussion into a game of “Edward Snowden: Heroic Famewhore or Traitorous Whistleblower?” On the other hand, thank you, the Great and Powerful Bob Woodward, for that bit of entirely Woodwardian self-regard. Read more on Sad Bob Woodward Would Have Journalismed Edward Snowden Way Better Than That Dumb Glenn Greenwald…
  dweeb throat

Relive Bob Woodward’s Epic Swordfight With H.R. Haldeman In ‘Watergate: The Videogame’

For someone who spends the day sitting at a computer with NPR playing in the background, Yr Doktor Zoom doesn’t actually use many NPR stories as the starting point for his Wonkets. Today, an exception: We heard this thing on the radio t’other day and knew we would have to write about it, because A) Watergate and B) Video game (video game stories have been good to us), not to mention C) “Timothy Leary shows up with drugs and you get in a fistfight with Nixon.” Wonkers of all ages, regardless of whether you even like video games, with their gratuitous violence and furries, you owe it to yourself to try “Watergate: The Videogame,” which can be played online free for nothing, requires no downloading, and if you get stuck some goofballs have even made a walkthrough already. (A “walkthrough” is a thing for videogames that helps you differentiate your ass from a hole in the ground, for example “Carl Bernstein” was Bob Woodward’s “walkthrough.”) Read more on Relive Bob Woodward’s Epic Swordfight With H.R. Haldeman In ‘Watergate: The Videogame’…
  Psychobabble Sexytime

Cuckolded Hubby Wants $10 Million Because School Shrink Banged His Wife; Thanks Obama!

Don’t you just hate it when you spend a bajillion dollars (or, okay, $34,000, but still!) to send your kid to a fancy-pants private school in Washington D.C., and the school shrink makes time with your wife? Arthur “Terry” Newmyer sure does — and that’s why he’s suing Sidwell Friends School, where the Obama girls are guarded by the A Team, Seal Team 6, and the Knights Templar, for $10 million: Newmyer first filed suit against Sidwell and its former psychologist in May 2011. He claims the psychologist had an affair with his wife while treating his daughter, then five, and that Sidwell took “flagrant and outrageous actions” that allowed the “open sexual relationship.” Read more on Cuckolded Hubby Wants $10 Million Because School Shrink Banged His Wife; Thanks Obama!…
  holy shitballs

Larry Klayman, In Perfectly Sane ‘Obama Killing Whitey’ Column, Outs Secret Meetings With Bob Woodward

Larry Klayman is an important attorney and figure on the Right. He founded Judicial Watch — which in addition to suing Bill Clinton every time he sneezed, also sued the Bush administration over Dick Cheney’s secret energy meetings. Then he did such a bang-up job suing Rachel Maddow on behalf of Bradlee Dean, that he was forced to explain that the judge in the case (who laughed Klayman and Dean out of court) was biased because of her vagina or something. Well, Klayman, despite no longer being Dean’s attorney of record, still likes being in the news, and sometimes he just has to make that news his very own self! Writing for the Alan Keyes project Renew America, Klayman invents the “news” that Muslim, foreign-born Obama, who was fraudulently elected “simply hates people of the white race,” and he is trying to start a race war, and also make white people do reparations by making “the rich pay their fair share in taxes,” and also he has “white slaves” like embarrassing butt-boy Jay Carney, and also “even the mainstream media” (in the form of Fox News) has realized how much Obama hates “Whitey.” You really can’t argue with that! Then he gets into some gnarly Bob Woodward shit. Read more on Larry Klayman, In Perfectly Sane ‘Obama Killing Whitey’ Column, Outs Secret Meetings With Bob Woodward…
  deep threat

Bob Woodward: I Am Terrible In Bed

When the honest to God actual journalists at TMZ (seriously; have they ever been wrong about anything?) ran into Hero of American Journamalism Bob Woodward, they had some important questions at the ready, like “why are you the worst writer in the universe,” and “how come you constantly lie?” and “how’s your court-mandated remedial journalism school going?” Oh wait, they did not ask those things, but that is okay, because instead they asked whether Robert Redford’s portrayal of him had led to Woodward’s getting so much trim. Read more on Bob Woodward: I Am Terrible In Bed…
  all the president's threats

Bob Woodward Hereby Sentenced To Remedial Journalism School For Treason To The Fourth Estate

When you are saying what we are saying, right up there in the headline what you just read, and which is that journamalism hero and staple of J-school classes but everywhere Bob Woodward is a worse hack than Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Little Goebbels sextivist James O’Keefe and Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s very own Friend of Hamas Ben Shapiro and Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s stinking rotting corpse, while we are at it, you are really saying something! And when Brit Hume, Erick Erickson, and the motherfucking Daily Caller are calling you out for lying on the White House, you have committed treason-crimes against the motherfucking Fourth Estate! GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! MOAR GUILTY! Somebody hand us our powdered wig and gavel, there is sentencing to do! Read more on Bob Woodward Hereby Sentenced To Remedial Journalism School For Treason To The Fourth Estate…
  goodbye forever

Obama Replaces Gossipy National Security Czar

Apparently this General Jones fellow just could not stop gossiping with Bob Woodward about how much Obama sucks at war. And Jones was planning on leaving anyway because he is a crybaby so Obama said “hey, the sooner the better. Get out.” Read more on Obama Replaces Gossipy National Security Czar…
  wonkette world o' books

Bob Woodward’s Scoop: Obama Cabinet Hates Itself

Afghanistan always seemed like a fine place to make one’s fortune, what with its colorful poppy fields, rich and varied traditions of sculpture and architecture, and snow leopards slinking in and out of mountain caves. Exotic and fun, right? But your reviewer just learned that there’s some kind of war going on over there right now. Even the snow leopards have, en masse, joined death squads. Probably better to travel to Washington and …. try for a job with the Obama administration, maybe? But all they do these days is fight over policy in Afghanistan and address one another as “dick,” according to Bob Woodward’s new guided tour of Presidential Sadness, Obama’s Wars. Read more on Bob Woodward’s Scoop: Obama Cabinet Hates Itself…
  just a slob like one of us

Everybody Doesn’t Love Obama Now

Bob Woodward’s new book, This Obama Guy Did 9/11, will be that thing everybody in Washington buys on Monday even though they read all the sad dirt today in the newspapers. Obama’s own supporters just bitched at him for 10 hours on Monday during a tragic town hall. The economy is probably going to be bad forever. This is why Barack Obama looks sad. [White House Flickr] Read more on Everybody Doesn’t Love Obama Now…
  daily briefing

Charles Rangel’s Illegal Dominican Cabana Problem

McCain, in his big speech last night, vowed to end “partisan rancor.” He made this clear by using the word “fight” 43 times, literally. [New York Times] St. Paul police arrested 250 anti-war protestors — filled, presumably, with now-illegal Partisan Rancor — before McCain’s acceptance speech. [St. Paul Star Tribune] Read more on Charles Rangel’s Illegal Dominican Cabana Problem…
 

Lonesome & Ugly Journalists Also Rent Hookers, Maybe

Hey everybody, what if your favorite newspaper reporter paid to have sex with a hooker? Oh, you don’t have a favorite newspaper journalist? What about copy editors? Just think what would happen if one of the top copy editors got caught using the services of an escort agency. Oh, right. Nothing would happen. Nobody would care. Read more on Lonesome & Ugly Journalists Also Rent Hookers, Maybe…
 

Bob Woodward Is Freaking Out the Hippies

Some hippy on DailyKos has revealed puzzling details from a mysterious book-tour stop by noted spook Bob Woodward. Bob was pimping that “Now we don’t like Bush” book at some college a few months back. First, he freaked out the hippies by demanding the lights in the theater be turned on, so he could see everybody. Then, he carefully looked at each person’s face. Satisfied that Carl Bernstein wasn’t there to heckle again, Woodward then gave a terse, boring speech and answered a few dull questions with equally dull answers. Read more on Bob Woodward Is Freaking Out the Hippies…