So we did a midsummer slow news day’s Wonk’d yesterday and what do you know, another billion Wonk’d sightings arrived in out Tips Box this morning. It’s like you people can be easily manipulated by suggestion. “Here are some Wonkette readers sending us Wonk’d items … this means you must do the same, reader.” And it works! (Next time we’ll subliminally make you do something vulgar in the Reflecting Pool.) Anyway, enjoy these eyewitness reports of Maria Shriver, Ralph Nader, Rahm Emanuel and Others doing whatever it is they do, in Washington! MORE »

OR THEY COULD DO THAT: Helen Thomas and Bob Schieffer, the two oldest people currently wandering around your front yard, will be hosting a Q&A next week — in Second Life. Paultards are expected to slaughter them. Or is that the other game that they play? This is vulgar. [New World Notes]

Here is veteran CBS hand Bob Schieffer remembering his favorite convention memories from the past. He treated the 1968 Democratic convention as a sex holiday, because that’s where he impregnated his wife, as was the style of the time. [YouTube]

Katie Couric, having delivered the losingest ratings ever for two proud years at CBS Evening News, may leave after President McCain’s inauguration early next year. This would be far ahead of her scheduled departure date in 2011, but not a moment too soon for many aggrieved Bob Schieffer fans. [WSJ]

Springtime in the city, and everybody is out grubbing. This week in Wonk’d finds Bill Clinton, feasting like a king, er, president; Justice Samuel Alito, chowing like it was his constitutional right; and Michael Chertoff, securing some risotto. Also spotted: Steve Carell, filming a new movie; Tom Brokaw, picking up some workout threads; and Grover Norquist, doing the shimmy-shimmy-shake. All this and more, of course, after the jump.

Loyal readers, you have supplied us with a bounty of celebrity sightings this week. Take advantage of the warm season, and go out and spot more people that may or may not want to be spotted. Then send the info to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the spotted celeb). Thanks!

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* Reliable Source: Laura Bush dropped two sizes after a year of private fitness classes; she works out three times a week at 8 a.m. [WP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bloomberg, David Remnick, Bob Schieffer, Lesley Stahl, Kurt Andersen, Richard Holbrooke, and Ron Silver attended Joe Klein’s New York book party. . . Actor Dennis Hopper defends Bush. [NYDN]
* Page Six: Cheney was accidentally shot on a hunting trip in the late ’90s. . . Emails from Aaron Sorkin to call girl are revealed in her new book. [NYP]

People seem to be having a good time these days. This week in Wonk’d brings us Judy Miller, savoring her freedom; Chief Justice John Roberts, taking in the cherry blossoms; and James Carville, enjoying a springtime run. Also spotted: Hillary Clinton, hopping into her pimped-out town car; Rep. James Sensenbrenner, buying a small fortune in lottery tickets; and Cynthia McKinney pal Danny Glover, asking for directions. You can check them out, along with several other celebrity sightings, after the jump.

Please continue to keep us well-stocked in sightings, via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the spotted celeb). Thanks!

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This Sunday’s shows undertook a major military operation. Between the anniversary of the invasion of Iraq and “Operation Swarmer,” talking heads all but saluted. Russ Feingold managed to grab some of the spotlight, and his motion to censure President Bush gave Bill Kristol another chance to rock Chris Wallace’s world: Feingold “is smarter than the Democratic congressional leadership” and “deserves credit for taking a principled stand, and I honestly think he’s winning this debate.” That sound you heard is Nancy Pelosi’s head exploding. Dick Cheney did “Face the Nation” but did not make much news beyond the world’s most awesome Freudian slip: “Most of my predecessors spent a good part of their time as President–Vice President running for President.

Also, debuting this week on ABCNews.com was “The Green Room,” a brave attempt to wring every possible bit of hot air from the “This Week” panel while they stand around uncomfortably after the show wraps in the nondescript, motel-ish decor of ABC’s DeSale St. digs. Personally, I have always found pre-show green room chatter more interesting (everyone’s trying out their lines) and the whole thing strikes me as an empty attempt to show us another side of people who are basically one-dimensional, but I applaud this Taylorite approach to news content and hope that less practiced pundits do something stupid and/or inspired backstage in the future.

Top topics: Iraq, Feingold’s censure motion and by extension the NSA wiretap program.

One-hit wonders: Boston College’s Sweet Sixteen chances (”Meet the Press”); Joey Cheek, humanitarian (”This Week”); Mark McClellan, TREKKIE (”Fox News Sunday”)

Quotes to live by:
• Dick Cheney admits that shooting someone in the face is “one of those situations that’s difficult, that generates controversy.”
• Chris Wallace, SUPER GENIUS: “It seems to me that the Senators who are most critical of [the NSA wiretapping] program are the ones who know the least about it.”
• George Will lays it out: “We need to define victory down.”
• Sam Donaldson is totally high: “Russ Feingold threw the long ball… but it might connect, as the Washington Redskins learned in the mid-70s.”

Also, Shorter Chris Matthews Show: David Gregory observed that “George Bush is the George Clooney of Washington… but that’s a little bit of a patina.” Wha?

Full rundown appears after the jump.

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Editors’ note: Don’t miss Ana Marie Cox’s Washington Post live chat, starting today at 11:30 AM. You can access it here, where you can also find a link for submitting questions to the Original Wonkette about BlackBerry disaster averted. Happy chatting!

Chatology this week slightly enlivened by the appearance of Stephen Colbert, though it was offset by Chairman of Joint Chiefs Peter Pace doing a half-Ginsburg; he has the kind of whispery monotone that made us fall asleep during filmstrips in health class. Most notable segment: Bill Kristol channeling Arianna Huffington in his disappointment in the administration, causing massive freakout on the Fox set and Chris Wallace to utter the Quote of the Week: “My whole universe has been rocked.”

Top topics: Potential (or ongoing?) civil war in Iraq; Katrina tapes; Dubai port deal.

One hit wonders: Two hits for the criminal investigation into Pat Tillman’s death (MTP and FNS); Oscar talk on “This Week”

Quotes to live by:
• Stephen Colbert on his Oscar expectation: “a lot of jokes [about] abortion… it’s a funny word, like guacamole.”
• Peter Pace moderates his view on Iraq: “I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it.”
• Juan Williams on DHS/FEMA infighting: “I’m going to put that off to two big boys having something in the back yard.” Well, someone saw “Brokeback Mountain.”

Full coverage continues after the jump.

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When you live in Washington and spend all day blogging about politics, it’s only a matter of time before it starts to affect your dreams. Once this starts happening, abandon all hope; you’re trapped inside the Beltway. MORE »