Wonkette

Nebraska Senator and cranky old anti-war Republican Chuck Hagel has finally made that big announcement he promised us months ago. Turns out that instead of running for President he’s going to make good on his term limit promise and retire from electoral politics forever or until he gets bored and decides to run for something again in a couple years. This leaves the Senate in utter disarray with only Senators Grassley and Schumer representing the all-important “Chuck” constituency. MORE »

Bob “the other Kerry” Kerrey is quoted in one of those long “what’s the point” New Yorker articles about Bill Clinton. Make of it what you will:

If I were running for President, you can bet that I’d want Bill Clinton as my spouse — even if it meant a change in sexual orientation! He’s good at everything.

Seriously, make of it what you will, because the whole thing is making us a little queasy. MORE »

• Oh yeah, we heard you patting yourself on the back for not being a dumb ol’ AT&T customer. “The NSA can’t find me! Ha ha ha!” Well, if you’re reading this, they can. [Rox Populi]

• Once we croak, it’s first-come, first-serve for the inevitable lawsuits. Start buttering us up now. You could start by buying us a carton or two. [Hit & Run]
• The Corner: “Things turned around when folks decided that Dan Quayle was right.” Do you really want context? [The Corner]
• Just in case you missed it: New School student Jean Rohe defies noted cockblocker Bob Kerrey, gives speech mocking John McCain right before his commencement speech, posts it on HuffPo (natch). McCain’s Chief of Staff, Mark Salter, responds angrily in the comments, calls her a commie or something, it’s sorta long. Rohe says, stop being mean to me. She’s a music major, lay off! [HuffPo]

Ladies and gentlemen, as mentioned in New York mag, Bob Kerrey’s Facebook profile. The two groups he claims membership in — the only two — are, of course, “Cock-blocker” and “Look at my button down striped shirt… fucking look at it! (NSU chapter).” MORE »

This week’s collection of celebrity sightings is a little disappointing; we’ve seen better around here. Are you all too busy enjoying college basketball, warm weather, and cherry blossoms, leaving you without time to keep your editors informed of the comings and goings of famous people? Please don’t forget to email us with your sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (as well as the name of the spotted celeb).

After the jump: Patti LaBelle, in a purple fur; John King and Gheorghe Muresan, participating in the March Madness; and a bunch of senators on planes.

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A reader writes in to alert us to some truly impressive sycophantic gymnastics in today’s Note. This massive, gaping suckfest jimmies four distinct feints of flattery into one apparently prosaic event listing:

Tomorrow, Milano The New School for Management and Urban Policy and the Center for New York City Affairs and its Dean Fred Hochberg play hosts to a star-studded post-election roundtable exploring the 2005 New York City mayoral election with that perfect 20/20 hindsight. ABC’s Mark Halperin moderates the discussion which will occur in two pieces — the primary and the general — and include campaign operatives and strategists from each of the campaigns as well as members from the New York City political press corps who covered the race.

We fell asleep after “roundtable” until the wooshing sound of someone sticking their nose into at least four separate behinds woke us. Those being flattered include: New School prez Bob Kerrey, Fred “Who?” Hochberg, Hochberg’s circle of fundraisers, and, er, “ABC’s Mark Halperin.” And we thought the press just gazed into their own navels. MORE »