Wonkette

Remember how Bob Dole used to be a pleasant old former politician who spent his retirement hawking little blue pills on the teevee? Well now he is very upset with Scott McClellan and let him know via the emails, which were invented several hundred years after Bob Dole first attained elective office. Quotations from his angry E-Communication after the jump. MORE »

The lovely, adorable and talented Liz Glover brings us to the red carpet for last night’s Meet The Press 60th Anniversary party, where she asked very important people what they were wearing. Tom Delay plays coy, John Kerry chats about paper trails, Bob Dole works the ladies, Tucker Carlson denies picking up gay men and Tiki Barber talks dog fighting. Oh yes, it’s all very Fellini. MORE »

The Washington DC Improv comedy club held its 12th annual “Funniest Celebrity in Washington” fundraiser last night, where politicians, TV personalities, local cultural aesthetes and ex-Wonkette editors (Mary Cox or whatever, as well as Pareene this year) give stand-up comedy an awkward try. Unsurprisingly, the winner was Onion assistant editor Joseph Randazzo, followed by Sen. Arlen Specter (video above, via PennLive) in second and Cox lady in third. Randazzo had all sorts of jo–

WTF ARLEN SPECTER WON SECOND IN A COMEDY CONTEST?? MORE »

* Jury sheds no tears for Scooter. [WP, NYT]
* And if he pulls up next to President Bush at a red light, it won’t be to ask for Grey Poupon. [LAT]
* Americans still asking Dick Cheney, “Where you at, big dawg?” [NYT]
* Bob Dole’s long experience nipping and tucking combined with Donna Shalala’s ability to crush the spirits of low wage workers will make them the perfect Walter Reed study super-duo. [WP, NYT]
* Fired US Attorneys should count their lucky stars the “threats” they faced weren’t knocked-out kneecaps or cement shoes. [WP, LAT]
* Steny Hoyer so bored with Iraq funding debate he can’t think of anything but those delishus Dunkin Munchkins. [NYT]
* Grassroots group pesters the FCC on transfer of power to “big media.” [WSJ]
* If the Pentagon can’t sell airplanes to Iran then government employees can’t invest there either, it’s only fair. [USAT]

As the nation pretends to mourn our pretend president, what people are really thinking about is Bob Dole’s smooth ‘n sexy new look. MORE »

This week DC was packed with has-beens and also-rans, still probably looking better than everyone else. Chuck Norris enjoyed a steak, but wasn’t on a stake-out. Bo Derek has traded in the couture for the sale down the street. Madeleine Albright has a book to hawk (but she’s a dove), Ari Fleischer thinks his Blackberry has too many buttons, and Grover Norquist wants everyone to know how his name is spelled. Plus your latest installment of “Where is George Stephanopoulos This Week?,” and a raft of reality TV stars must have washed up on the banks of the Potomac. Test your memory after the jump!

The month of May has come, when every lusty heart beginneth to blossom, and to bring forth fruit! Readers, bring forth fruit in the form of sightings, then send the juicy tidbits to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of your heart’s desire!). Flourish in tipstery deeds! Gracious thanks!

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* Dubai firm delays port deal after Karl Rove floats the idea. Bush: “This wouldn’t be going forward if we were not certain that our ports would be secure.” [WP, NYT, W$J, LAT, WT]
* Chertoff only became aware of port deal after it was approved. [WT]
* Rove dismisses objections, saying lawmakers “are just picking up and reading something in the newspaper, hearing something on talk radio.” [WP]
* White House report on Katrina response avoids finger-pointing but recommends 11 key changes before the next hurricane season. [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Attorneys for Lewis Libby argue Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald lacks the legal authority to press charges. [WP, WT]
* Bush raises $1.6m for congressional candidates during visits to Indiana and Ohio. Bush: “I wish I wasn’t talking about war. No president ever says, ‘Gosh, I hope there’s war.’ For those of you who are young here, I want you to know what I’m leading to is how to keep the peace and do my job that you expect me to do, which is to prevent the enemy from attacking again.” [NYT, WT]
* Bob Dole’s involvement in port deal creates conflict for Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-N.C.). [WP]
* Vice president of the Service Employees International Union supports Bush’s guest worker plan. [NYT]

No, that’s not Wonkette standing behind Joe Pantoliano. [WP/Lucian Perkins]

Truth be told, our night wasn’t that wild — more like reading Emily Dickinson than hanging out with Paris Hilton. But at least we got out of the apartment!

Last night, Wonkette (or one-half of Wonkette — the half of us with a tux) attended the Congressional Correspondents dinner, sponsored by the Washington Press Foundation. The swanky, black-tie event, held at the Ritz-Carlton on M Street, was attended by numerous “famous-for-D.C.” types, and even a few “famous-for-famous” folks — like Fran Drescher!

Slate described the event as “a B-list affair compared with the Gridiron and White House Correspondents Association dinners”; but we still had ourselves a jolly good time. Although Marcia Davis of the Post urged them not to give up their day jobs, the dinner speakers — Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Penn.) and House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) — were actually pretty funny. But our assessment may have been colored by the “soft bigotry of low expectations” — as well as too much red wine…

Of course, copious consumption of booze helped us through the evening. And did we mention that The Nanny was in the house?

Our detailed coverage appears after the jump.

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