“Twenty Dollar” Bob Allen’s trial for cocksmoking is now in its third day, and the toothpaste is alllllll coming out. Again. More of it. Unfortunately we can’t spend the whole day following the disgraced Florida state representative’s trial, as we’d like to, but the divine newspaper Florida Today is liveblogging it (or at least making semi-regular updates to the same story). MORE »

Republican state legislator Bob Allen will finally (maybe) be tried in a Florida court for bravely offering twenty bucks to suck off a “stocky black guy” in a park restroom in order to avoid becoming “a statistic.” Allen was a John McCain campaign co-chief in Florida — all the spots on Rudy’s campaign were taken — before his arrest by that same burly black guy. Ever since, he’s been following the GOP Playbook by refusing to resign, refusing to admit he’s a bathroom queen, and generally dragging down his party in a state where there are actually still some popular Republicans, such as Florida’s proudly single “first black governor” Charlie Crist. MORE »

This week, Barney Frank, Bob Allen, Ken Mehlman, Ben Stein, Maria Bartiromo and Robert Novak were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

MORE »

LIONEL HUTZ: “As a heads up to everyone: The next time you are attacked by an enraged black bear, drop to your knees and offer it $20 to suck its cock. This will keep you from becoming a statistic.” [Wonkette Comments]

When Bob Allen agreed to suck that cop’s dick (and pay the cop $20 for the opportunity), it was just because he was scared of black dudes, and also scared of being struck by lightning, so he wanted to drive the cop to Kennedy Space Center, miles away, for safety. [Florida Today]

Florida state Representative Bob Allen had a bright future as one of President Jeb Bush’s many homosexual cabinet members, but he ruined it all for the chance of another blowjob in the park restroom. Sticking to the David Vitter “just keep denying everything no matter how absurd it sounds” script, Allen continues to deny he offered to pay 20 bucks to suck off an undercover cop and also denies that his original excuse — Yikes, scary black guys! — does not mean he’s racist or anything. Also, Bob Allen now claims he was skulking around the park bathroom because he was “planning an event.” Yeah, we kind of got that.

Attorney: Allen won’t resign in sex case [Orlando Sentinel]

New details have emerged in the generally scuzzy case of Florida legislator Bob Allen (R-McCain Campaign Co-Chairman) who was arrested after allegedly offering to both suck off some guy in a park bathroom and give the guy twenty bucks. Wonkette readers who are experts in such matters have argued that the whole thing sounds like entrapment, but today’s Orlando Sentinel offers a new excuse from Allen himself: He was just scared of a scary black guy, like anybody would be! MORE »

Don’t forget about our other Southern Republican Lawmaker caught engaging in some sort of unpleasant prostitution activity! Florida Rep. Bob Allen will have his day in court on August 23, which we beg CNN to broadcast live. MORE »

Wait, what? This is from the official Florida House of Representatives website, and it’s apparently a “technology hearing,” and our now-shamed haunter of men’s public restrooms is holding, we believe, a tiny breathalyzer device. So he’ll obviously be checking into rehab shortly. And the guy who took the picture should have some recommendations, as far as that goes.

Florida House of Representatives