Tag Archives: bo obama

  Putin on a show

Manly Studly Non-Mom-Jeans-Wearing Vladimir Putin Is Sexy Shirtless President Of Hockey

Whoa, Vladimir Putin! We already know he’s a manly man who can tame wild animals and annex any country’s territory at the drop of a hat, unlike our own president, Kunta Kenya, who wears mom jeans and eats his hamburgers with some kind of fancy mustard like a homo or a Frenchman (but we repeat ourselves). Also, our president likes basketball, which is only played by losers who can barely get through a year of college. Vladimir Putin plays hockey, which is a sport for men. Also, Putin is apparently some sort of hockey savant. He’s Wayne Gretzky, Bobby Orr, Mario Lemieux and Alexander Ovechkin all rolled into one. The proof is this highlight reel of the Russian president scoring six goals and five assists in an exhibition game recently. Sure all the players skate slooooooooowly, and sure, no one really guards Putin or seems to make any attempt to hit him, because would you hit a guy who would probably have your entire family disappeared before you skated off the ice? But still, six goals and five assists! If Putin had played on the Russian team in the Sochi Olympics, that gold medal would be hanging in his office in the Kremlin for sure. Read more on Manly Studly Non-Mom-Jeans-Wearing Vladimir Putin Is Sexy Shirtless President Of Hockey…
  flotus files

Bo Obama Wears Bunny Ears Almost Long Enough to Distract From Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle

Coming off a very sparkly appearance at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards last weekend (that’s the one where they commemorate all their teevee stars who are now teen mothers and/or using heroin, and then Justin Bieber dumps lime green human waste on everyone, we think!) our FLOTUS is working it for the spotlight this month. Her Easter plans are shaping up to provide quite the elitist celebration, but while she waits for the big day to arrive, our Michelle is making sure to bring her Easter tidings to those who need it the most: The Troops! Michelle and Bo Obama visited Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Wednesday for some Easter fun, and although Michelle debuted a new hair style (it’s flippy!), the major fashion statement of the day was made when Bo was forced to wear bunny ears. Hello, animal cross-dressing, next phase in the crazy Obama librul agenda! Read more on Bo Obama Wears Bunny Ears Almost Long Enough to Distract From Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle…
  financial journalism

IT’S JUST A LAME DOG, COME ON: Barack Obama and Joe Biden released financial disclosure forms today (“rich” and “comfortably upper middle class,” respectively), and the blogs have been combing through them to find unusual or deceptive accounting cutesy things to post in under 100 words. This investigative work has produced the following find: Bo Obama, the Portuguese water dog that the Obamas received as a “gift” from Ted Kennedy, is valued at $1,600. You know what they should do with this $1,600 dog? Sell it to someone for $1,600 dollars and then go like… buy cool CDs and Blu-Rays and shit. [WSJ] Read more on …
  bo knows snows

Bo Obama Is Just Cold Humping the Snow

While you were being gnawed to death by Ice Rats, the White House socialist Bo Obama Kennedy was just fooling around in the snow. Next week he’ll be on the cover of The Sports Illustrated with his snowy ass in the air as if he just did not care. Also, things he found under the snow on the White House lawn: a half-eaten empenada from Julia’s, Newt Gingrich’s latest divorced wife, Scott Brown’s secret 300-series Beemer, and, uh, health care legislation. All were pronounced dead at the scene. [White House Flickr] Read more on Bo Obama Is Just Cold Humping the Snow…
  print journalism

Today’s Promised ‘Political Insight and Analysis From The Wall Street Journal’s Capital Bureau’

“A White House press official was certain—the scoop on the poop was a crock. The press office checked with the Air Force One flight crew who said Bo had not desecrated the jet. Other big news beckoned: the health-care overhaul, rising unemployment and a debate over the war in Afghanistan. But we were nagged by a question—was the pile denial a White House cover up?” This is Peggy Noonan’s most prescient column yet. [PULITZER BAIT] Read more on Today’s Promised ‘Political Insight and Analysis From The Wall Street Journal’s Capital Bureau’…
  a pair of ragged claws Scuttling across the floors

NO ONE Is Winning The Nobel In Remembering Prominent Dog Birthdays

Everyone was very unkind to Bo Obama the dog, who celebrated his first birthday ever on October 9th. So Bo Obama was born last October, and then in April Ted Kennedy, not yet dead, bought the dog from a rescue shelter that was actually a reputable dog breeder and just gave him to Barack Obama. Anyway, Mazel Tov Bo Obama, also sorry, etc. but in retrospect it is probably a good thing that everyone was too distracted to offer up some TRULY WINNING bon mots about the President jumping the gun getting you a present for your second birthday. Chew on that—Richard Cohen’s wit—little puppy. [White House Blog] Read more on NO ONE Is Winning The Nobel In Remembering Prominent Dog Birthdays…
  universal veterinary care

Rush Limbaugh’s Ladyfriend’s Adorable Puppy Obscures Important Healthcare Debate

Rush Limbaugh, grr! The other day he brought up on his radio show the oft-cited observation that your dog’s penicillin costs 25 cents while your own penicillin costs 25 dollars, which sucks for you, or something to that effect, and blah blah blah free markets and healthcare. WHATEVER. The point is his girlfriend has a very charming Old English Sheepdog that bears a startling resemblance to Bo Obama. However, this sheepdog will grow up to be a huge badass herding wookie, while Bo will just sort of look like a fucked-up Poodle, so Rush Limbaugh’s girlfriend clearly wins this round. (Also: Rush Limbaugh has a girlfriend?) [The Rush Limbaugh Show] Read more on Rush Limbaugh’s Ladyfriend’s Adorable Puppy Obscures Important Healthcare Debate…
  bigots

President Obama Loves Dogs More Than He Loves Space Monsters

Our new president has some pretty messed up priorities, hoo boy! Did you notice that during his first 100 days in office he ended the recession and shook hands with tin-pot dictators and even got himself a fancy purebred dog, but did not have the time or the inclination to designate, say, a NASA administrator? This is the number one thing an incoming president is supposed to declare, no later than 5-10 minutes after taking the oath of office, and if he does not, then the world folds in on itself and time runs backwards. TRUE STORY. [True/Slant via Ben Smith] Read more on President Obama Loves Dogs More Than He Loves Space Monsters…
  hellhounds

ZOMBIE CUR TERRORIZES WHITE HOUSE: Oh yes speaking of Michelle Obama and her adorable talk with the cute childrens yesterday: “the president and his wife lie awake at night as they listen to the febrile skritching of a maniacal hell-hound chasing a ball up and down the hall, forever and ever, much like those creepy little girl ghosts in The Shining.” {Sara’s NBC Thing] Read more on …
  PR secrets of former journalists

Richard Wolffe Has Inside Scoop On Obama Image Machine

Have you every wondered how the Obama family manages to look so consistently classy and awesome while the rest of America farts around in terry cloth sweat pants, chewing on their hangnails and just resenting the hell out of anyone who’s fancy enough to shower twice a week? The Obamas owe their squeaky clean and generally adorable public image to … being naturally adorable. Read more on Richard Wolffe Has Inside Scoop On Obama Image Machine…
  aw so cute etc.

Here Is Bo Obama, ‘America’s Shelter Dog’

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy Look, it’s the mangy half-breed street cur Ted Kennedy dropped on the Obamas’ doorstep the other night. He has been wormed. The Obama family showed him to the press yesterday to prove that they haven’t eated him, yet. [MSNBC] Read more on Here Is Bo Obama, ‘America’s Shelter Dog’…