Okay thanks a lot to Wonkette Operative “Phil” for sending this with the subject line, “OBAMA DOG SEX TAPE??!” This is the official Monday Night Open Thread, go nuts!

While Republican dads dump their unwanted wives and unloved children at a vacation home somewhere and then fly to Argentina on the taxpayer’s dime to tearfully commit adultery for years, Democratic wonder-dad Barack Obama continues to outrage the family-hating wingnut blogosphere by keeping various “promises” made to his “happy” children, such as “I’ll get you a hypoallergenic dog carefully bred by Portuguese robot-monks” and “I’ll build you the fanciest backyard swing set ever, and it won’t look anything like those tacky day-glo molded plastic travesties most kids are stuck with, if they’re lucky enough to have a playset at all.” [White House Flickr]

Ted Kennedy’s gift horse Texan Water Monster, “Bo Hussein Obama,” now has his own crappy print-and-save “baseball card” from the White House, hooray for civil rights! Just, uh, print it out at work — don’t let Liz Becton catch you! — and, oh we don’t know just probably throw it away. Bo loves tomatoes and brylcreem and long walks on the lawn with what’s his name. [Flickr]

Those who listen to the elitist Chicago street organizer public-radio program Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me got a special treat this weekend, as Barack Obama’s personal Rasputin, David Axelrod, appeared on the show to describe how much this Socialist White House hates our nation’s fake-breasted gay-hating soft-porn models. [NewsPoliticsNews/NPR]

If all the newspapers in America disappeared tomorrow — instead of next year, as scheduled, because of Gmail — you would never know about this story. Think about it. [LA Times/Christian Science Monitor]

ZOMBIE CUR TERRORIZES WHITE HOUSE: Oh yes speaking of Michelle Obama and her adorable talk with the cute childrens yesterday: “the president and his wife lie awake at night as they listen to the febrile skritching of a maniacal hell-hound chasing a ball up and down the hall, forever and ever, much like those creepy little girl ghosts in The Shining.” {Sara’s NBC Thing]

Ergh, Thursday was filled with grim sorrow. Here is something “cute” to, uh, make up for it all. Because it’s our fault, about the world being full of gloom and America being full of fail. At least we’ve got these nice new people in the White House being not-terrible! And maybe the economy is looking a little better, and a bunch more American kids have health care again, and a bunch of evil-ass Bush/Cheney policies have been quickly dismantled, so cheer up, lamers! Here’s Michelle Obama talking about her dog, “Ted Kennedy.” [YouTube/CNN]

Look, it’s the mangy half-breed street cur Ted Kennedy dropped on the Obamas’ doorstep the other night. He has been wormed. The Obama family showed him to the press yesterday to prove that they haven’t eated him, yet. [MSNBC]

It’s great that the poor little lonely Obama girls finally got a nice dog that won’t make allergy-prone Malia sick with its dog hair, because it is a special hairless breed. NO WAIT. It is an outrage that the Obama girls were given this dog because it isn’t LEGALLY a “rescue dog.” (Did you know “rescue dog” is a legal term? READ THE CONSTITUTION.) And guess what organization is demanding that Barack Obama personally slice off this dog’s nuts? MORE »

Just making sure everyone is following this particular Twitter webpage. It’s IMPORTANT. [Twitter]