Tag Archives: bo

  flotus files

Michelle Obama Fills Your Stockings With Coal and Exercise

The Baby Jesus is almost here, which means that soon, Michelle Obama and some unwilling schoolchildren will probably be making plates of whole grain toast and carrots to leave out for Kris Kringle, the only fat man fully endorsed by our FLOTUS. But before Michelle can gather the family around the hearth for bowls of Special K and a slightly modified version of “’Twas the Night Before Christmas,” she has some shopping of her own to do. What will she get Barry this Christmas? How about a sexy hot tub, or maybe some professional help for the troubled First Dog, Bo? Read more on Michelle Obama Fills Your Stockings With Coal and Exercise…
  yule logs

Children Disgusted By President Obama’s Poop Jokes

Answering questions Friday from youngsters at an elementary school, Obama described going for nighttime walks with first dog Bo on the White House South Lawn. He says that’s fun. But, Obama says, “Sometimes I have to scoop up his poop, because I don’t want to just leave it in the lawn!” Read more on Children Disgusted By President Obama’s Poop Jokes…
  barry can you hear me?

Barack Obama Would Like To Know What Bon Jovi Thinks

Well, hello, Wonketteers! This will presumably be the last “Barry Can You Hear Me?” of whatever year it is, so I’d like to take a moment to thank all of you knuckle-draggers for straining your third-grade reading skills in order to absorb the pure genius I spew at you each and every Friday. What a glorious reward it is for you, the unwashed masses, to take a break from your jobs at the scrimshaw shop and the local cooperage franchise in order to have a brief meditative moment scanning this lady-scrivener’s intellectual dispatches from the heart of Obama Fandonia, a kingdom that I rule with an iron pussy. Speaking of Barack, let’s see what that handsome scamp got up to this week! Read more on Barack Obama Would Like To Know What Bon Jovi Thinks…
  cherry tree massacre

Obamas Spend Holidays With College A Capella Groups, Worshipping Dog

Thanks to Jackie Kennedy being hott that one time she lived there, the White House is supposed to be a place of well-decorated holiday majesty at this time of year. But the Obamas are ruining it by hanging out with singing asthmatic white college guys and forcing everyone around to worship their horrifyingly faceless dog, according to photos released by Pete Souza today. Read more on Obamas Spend Holidays With College A Capella Groups, Worshipping Dog…
  and then the pardoned turkey raped and murdered a woman

Heathen Obama Lights Christmas Tree; Crowd Applauds Dog

Barack Obama said “Merry Christmas” THREE times last night, at the lighting of the National Christmas Tree (we only need one?). That seems like a lot for a Muslim atheist, but in reality, it proves he’s morally weak. Not only did Obama say this phrase; he also allowed a minister to deliver an invocation at this most sacred event, at which America comes together to mark the occasion when the hungry babyjesus ate an entire Douglas-fir full of electronics and light bulbs in one sitting. There were four applause breaks during this ceremony: one for Obama’s children and their grandmother, one for his dog, one for the hip-hop artist Common, and one for the tree. There were not any for Obama, because of the whole morally weak thing. Read more on Heathen Obama Lights Christmas Tree; Crowd Applauds Dog…
  newspapers animals shit on

Crack Politico Investigative Reporters Discover ‘The Real Bo Obama’

Important news! According to Politico, Obama has a relative named “Bo Obama” who — no, wait, they’re talking about that fucking dog. Never mind. This publication put two whole reporters to work tracking down that dog’s trainer, because they are a newspaper that concerns itself with governmental affairs. And they called this article “THE REAL BO OBAMA,” as it’s important for journalists to look into the backgrounds of those who serve in our government as animals who shit on the White House lawn. How big is this story? Politico‘s featured poll on their website asks, “Do you think Bo Obama is a good dog?” That is the question we are all asking ourselves less than two weeks before the midterm elections. Read more on Crack Politico Investigative Reporters Discover ‘The Real Bo Obama’…
  girls' night

Obama Masticates With Oprah, Oprah’s Friend Gayle

President Obama did celebrate his birthday last night after all! In fact, he flew to Chicago, took a helicopter that landed on SOLDIER FIELD, and went to a restaurant with teevee lady Oprah Winfrey and her long-time companion-friend Gayle King. “Obama spent more than three hours inside,” probably receiving his orders from Oprah. Meanwhile, back in D.C., Robert Gibbs stared at the uneaten candlelight dinner he had prepared and at the empty chair across from him. Then he cried softly. Read more on Obama Masticates With Oprah, Oprah’s Friend Gayle…
  bo knows snows

Bo Obama Is Just Cold Humping the Snow

While you were being gnawed to death by Ice Rats, the White House socialist Bo Obama Kennedy was just fooling around in the snow. Next week he’ll be on the cover of The Sports Illustrated with his snowy ass in the air as if he just did not care. Also, things he found under the snow on the White House lawn: a half-eaten empenada from Julia’s, Newt Gingrich’s latest divorced wife, Scott Brown’s secret 300-series Beemer, and, uh, health care legislation. All were pronounced dead at the scene. [White House Flickr] Read more on Bo Obama Is Just Cold Humping the Snow…
  smoke break at the swing set

Work-at-Home Obama Just Goofing Off With His Kids All Day

While Republican dads dump their unwanted wives and unloved children at a vacation home somewhere and then fly to Argentina on the taxpayer’s dime to tearfully commit adultery for years, Democratic wonder-dad Barack Obama continues to outrage the family-hating wingnut blogosphere by keeping various “promises” made to his “happy” children, such as “I’ll get you a hypoallergenic dog carefully bred by Portuguese robot-monks” and “I’ll build you the fanciest backyard swing set ever, and it won’t look anything like those tacky day-glo molded plastic travesties most kids are stuck with, if they’re lucky enough to have a playset at all.” [White House Flickr] Read more on Work-at-Home Obama Just Goofing Off With His Kids All Day…
  love is a dog from hell

White House Beast Only Eats Tomatoes, Toys

Ted Kennedy’s gift horse Texan Water Monster, “Bo Hussein Obama,” now has his own crappy print-and-save “baseball card” from the White House, hooray for civil rights! Just, uh, print it out at work — don’t let Liz Becton catch you! — and, oh we don’t know just probably throw it away. Bo loves tomatoes and brylcreem and long walks on the lawn with what’s his name. [Flickr] Read more on White House Beast Only Eats Tomatoes, Toys…
  miss california

Obama’s Warlock Wants To Name New White House Mongrel ‘Miss California’

Those who listen to the elitist Chicago street organizer public-radio program Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me got a special treat this weekend, as Barack Obama’s personal Rasputin, David Axelrod, appeared on the show to describe how much this Socialist White House hates our nation’s fake-breasted gay-hating soft-porn models. [NewsPoliticsNews/NPR] Read more on Obama’s Warlock Wants To Name New White House Mongrel ‘Miss California’…
  save our media!

Biden Insults Obama’s Black Dog

If all the newspapers in America disappeared tomorrow — instead of next year, as scheduled, because of Gmail — you would never know about this story. Think about it. [LA Times/Christian Science Monitor] Read more on Biden Insults Obama’s Black Dog…
  hellhounds

ZOMBIE CUR TERRORIZES WHITE HOUSE: Oh yes speaking of Michelle Obama and her adorable talk with the cute childrens yesterday: “the president and his wife lie awake at night as they listen to the febrile skritching of a maniacal hell-hound chasing a ball up and down the hall, forever and ever, much like those creepy little girl ghosts in The Shining.” {Sara’s NBC Thing] Read more on …
  open thread

Cheer Up, America: Here Is Michelle Obama Talking To Kids About Bo, the White House Dog

Ergh, Thursday was filled with grim sorrow. Here is something “cute” to, uh, make up for it all. Because it’s our fault, about the world being full of gloom and America being full of fail. At least we’ve got these nice new people in the White House being not-terrible! And maybe the economy is looking a little better, and a bunch more American kids have health care again, and a bunch of evil-ass Bush/Cheney policies have been quickly dismantled, so cheer up, lamers! Here’s Michelle Obama talking about her dog, “Ted Kennedy.” [YouTube/CNN] Read more on Cheer Up, America: Here Is Michelle Obama Talking To Kids About Bo, the White House Dog…
  aw so cute etc.

Here Is Bo Obama, ‘America’s Shelter Dog’

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy Look, it’s the mangy half-breed street cur Ted Kennedy dropped on the Obamas’ doorstep the other night. He has been wormed. The Obama family showed him to the press yesterday to prove that they haven’t eated him, yet. [MSNBC] Read more on Here Is Bo Obama, ‘America’s Shelter Dog’…
  where are those navy seals when you need them?

Rescue-Dog Fanatics Hope Obama Will Kill Ted Kennedy’s Elitist Water Dog

It’s great that the poor little lonely Obama girls finally got a nice dog that won’t make allergy-prone Malia sick with its dog hair, because it is a special hairless breed. NO WAIT. It is an outrage that the Obama girls were given this dog because it isn’t LEGALLY a “rescue dog.” (Did you know “rescue dog” is a legal term? READ THE CONSTITUTION.) And guess what organization is demanding that Barack Obama personally slice off this dog’s nuts? Read more on Rescue-Dog Fanatics Hope Obama Will Kill Ted Kennedy’s Elitist Water Dog…