Tag Archives: blowjobs

  i seem nice

It Is Time For Us All To Stop Making Fun Of Monica Lewinsky, By Monica Lewinsky

Heard any good jokes lately? No. No you haven’t. Because it has been twenty years-ish (?) since Peewee Herman got busted bustin’ in that porn theater, and I got busted … well you know. I am the last time a joke happened. That was me. Well, now I am back, to tell my story for money, because I have not been able to get a job in all that time except for the one time I designed purses, which everyone laughed at, because I’m such a big joke. I have been a global punchline since I was 22 years old probably, not sure, would have to look it up. I have been unemployable, undateable, and about 15 years early for the crusade against slut-shaming. That would have been nice. Am I sorry that my sluttiness occurred on someone else’s husband’s dick? I assume so, probably, sure! But you just try to tell me you wouldn’t have been all up in the Big Dog’s crotch, and I will call you a liar to your face. It was exciting! He’s a charismatic fellow! And you have been jizzed on by so much worse. Read more on It Is Time For Us All To Stop Making Fun Of Monica Lewinsky, By Monica Lewinsky…
  what if?

What’s All This About Paul Ryan Blowing A Dog?

A couple of weeks ago, I ended my column with a lie: “Next time:” I wrote, “What if Paul Ryan blew a dog whistle so loudly that everybody, not just dogs, could hear it?” Of course I had no intentions of writing about this “What If?” subject at all; I added it as a throwaway gag. Wonkette readers can be unpredictable, though! It turns out that most of you just read the first part of the sentence, “What if Paul Ryan blew a dog,” and then got so excited and overstimulated that you forgot to read the rest, and off you went chattering about Paul Ryan blowing a dog. You guys! First of all… ew. Seriously, you Wonketeers have such totally dirty minds! Gross! But… what if it were true? What if Paul Ryan really did blow a dog? I reckon that would be newsworthy! Let’s talk this one out after the jump. Read more on What’s All This About Paul Ryan Blowing A Dog?…
  it's morning in america

Michelle Obama: Should She Be Allowed To Go To Mexico By Herself?

Famous organic farmer Michelle Obama is off to Mexico all by herself for an Official White House Journey! What will she do “south of the border,” and doesn’t she know it’s totally unsafe these days for Americans to party Mexican-style? Read more on Michelle Obama: Should She Be Allowed To Go To Mexico By Herself?… Read more on Michelle Obama: Should She Be Allowed To Go To Mexico By Herself?…
  pulitzer much?

Washington Post Furry Gets Blown In Back Alley

Wonkette’s Newspaper Furry operative “Dan” sends this disturbing, secret sex picture and writes: “Attached for your pleasure is a digital photograph my girlfriend captured from my balcony. It was taken at this past weekend’s ‘Fiesta DC’ Latino block-party in Mount Pleasant. The dog-thing is apparently the Washington Post’s mascot (they have one??) who was getting dressed in a parking spot behind my building.” Official furries paying for back-alley blowjobs while on duty: this is what the Washington Post calls “journalism” now. Read more on Washington Post Furry Gets Blown In Back Alley…
  love for sale

Sleazy Washington Post Selling ‘Access’ To CEOs, For $25,000

America’s neo-con pamphlet the Washington Post can be found festering in certain driveways from Reston to Chevy Chase, but sometimes that’s not good enough for the powerful CEO or lobbyist who wants to, say, beat the shit out of Richard Cohen in person. This is why Post publisher Katharine Weymouth is now hosting intimate sexy gatherings at her home, where for a small admission price (between $25,000 and $250,000), the lonely business leader can dine with WaPo editors and journalists, get a loving hummer from Krauthammer or Kristol or (imagine!) both of them. Read more on Sleazy Washington Post Selling ‘Access’ To CEOs, For $25,000…
  sexy holidays

CNN Tells America To Swallow

The last time we noticed CNN’s daytime-teevee anchor lady, Kyra Phillips, she was just cold puttin’ down her sister-in-law or something, on an open mic, and on a toilet. Good times! Now she is telling us about the important sex festival happening tomorrow, “Sword Swallowing Day.” [YouTube/CNN] Read more on CNN Tells America To Swallow…
 

Indiana Perv Busted for Heading Young Republicans

Glenn Murphy, Jr. is our latest addition to the Endless Cummer Cavalcade of Pervs! The Clark County, Indiana GOP Chair was recently elected Young Republican National Federation Chair and so it was only a matter of time before the Sheriff began investigating him for “alleged deviate conduct.” Because apparently some poor Young Republican doesn’t want to wake up to the national chairman unexpectedly fellating him. Read more on Indiana Perv Busted for Heading Young Republicans…
 

Ohhhh, You Didn’t Mention He Was a Big Scary Black Guy Who Scared You

New details have emerged in the generally scuzzy case of Florida legislator Bob Allen (R-McCain Campaign Co-Chairman) who was arrested after allegedly offering to both suck off some guy in a park bathroom and give the guy twenty bucks. Wonkette readers who are experts in such matters have argued that the whole thing sounds like entrapment, but today’s Orlando Sentinel offers a new excuse from Allen himself: He was just scared of a scary black guy, like anybody would be! Read more on Ohhhh, You Didn’t Mention He Was a Big Scary Black Guy Who Scared You…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Born For Porn

* Jim Webb faces a dilemma — will his new book have as many father/son blowjob scenes as the last one, or does he want to be vice president? [Political Wire] * Yes. Americans unequivocally have a right to as much porn as they can possibly consume. [Blogs for Bush] * Voters are already sick of all the actual presidential candidates. [Hit & Run] * Diplomats in Tehran think the U.S. is just crazy enough to do it. [Jerusalem Post] * Jon Stewart vs. John Bolton ends in a hit, a palpable hit. [C&L] * Ohio Governor Ted Strickland loves the sexing. [ Pandagon] * Norah O’Donnell: so perty yet so braindead. [Think Progress] * Riding in cars with presidents. [Rude Pundit] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Born For Porn…
 

Dad-Son Porn Will Make Marines Of Us All

Sure, “A Charge To Keep” or “I Am the Most Awesome Obama” are very good books, but they’re not pure fiction like Newt Gingrich’s Nazi porn and Scooter Libby’s “make the bear fuck the the little girl” artistry. Read more on Dad-Son Porn Will Make Marines Of Us All…
 

‘No, We Want the Nosebleed Seats’

We still haven’t been invited to “Late Night Shots,” the exclusive invitation-only D.C. elitist site where you can post pictures of gals giving blowjobs at a Nationals game. So thanks to our mole for sending this special picture. Did the fellatio conclude with a Washington Surprise? Read more on ‘No, We Want the Nosebleed Seats’…
 

Remainders: It Just Kinda Sucks

In case there was still any doubt as to why MTV will never do a season of Real World in DC: a Francis Fukuyama/Charles Krauthammer blowjob scene. [The Corsair] If a journalist writes 4000 words on the relevance of journalism in the internet age, and every reader does the first-n-last paragraph scan, do the other 3900 words exist? [New Yorker] Read more on Remainders: It Just Kinda Sucks…
 

Bill Clinton’s Favorite Room in the White House

From an AP report on the new audio tour at the Clinton Library in Little Rock, narrated by Bill Clinton: Although Clinton says the Oval Office was “the best place in the world to work,” he had another favorite spot in the White House: his private office. “I restored it to look the way it did after the Civil War, and I brought in a desk, which was Ulysses Grant’s Cabinet table,” Clinton says. Read more on Bill Clinton’s Favorite Room in the White House…
 

Ask a Hill Staffer: Ready for the Big Time

Intern Season is here! And this week, intern issues dominated your questions. Our Anonymous Hill Staffer was happy to help you sort through them. After the jump, fresh blood, substance abuse, and White House pets. As always, AHS reminds you to drink outside whenever possible. Read more on Ask a Hill Staffer: Ready for the Big Time…
 

A Random Barney Frank Story

We’ve been having a somewhat slow afternoon around here, so we’ll reach into our mailbag for some evergreen material: a Barney Frank anecdote. Barney Frank may be gone from Congressional Catfight, but he has not been forgotten in these quarters. To the contrary, our correspondent this afternoon remembers his interactions with Congressman Frank from many years ago. You can check out the full story after the jump. But don’t get your hopes too high; it’s pretty G-rated. (Standard disclaimer: This account could be fictional, as some of you have claimed with respect to yesterday’s “Dustee Tucker at Starbucks” story. But it sounds pretty accurate to us — it’s not hard to imagine Barney Frank hitting on young men.) Read more on A Random Barney Frank Story…