Tag: blowjobs

We don't even WANT context for this. Don't cry for Easter, Argentina.

A Firm Yet Tender, Sex-Positive Tribute To Nancy Reagan, Hollywood BJ Queen

Former First Lady Nancy Reagan, the woman who reputedly gave the greatest blowjobs in Hollywood and gave America the "Just Say No To Drugs" campaign, which ultimately proved far less satisfying, has died at the age of 94. Get...
Borned stupid.

Pretty Sure Bobby Jindal Just Said Ted Cruz Gives Donald Trump Snail Blowjobs

Sea snail blowjobs to exact. LIMPET blowjobs. Yes, Bobby Jindal, a presidential candidate in only the loosest sense of the word, seems to be trying to get somebody, ANYBODY, to give him attention in advance of tonight's presidential debate,...

Sexy Bill Clinton Turns Sexy 69 Haw Haw Get It SEX JOKES!

William Jefferson Clinton, aka Bill, aka Big Dawg, aka The Clenis, aka the future first man-lady of America, was born on a day that was exactly 69 years ago from this day, Aug. 19, and according to a little-known...

It Is Time For Us All To Stop Making Fun Of Monica Lewinsky, By Monica Lewinsky

Heard any good jokes lately? No. No you haven't. Because it has been twenty years-ish (?) since Peewee Herman got busted bustin' in that porn theater, and I got busted ... well you know. I am the last time...

What’s All This About Paul Ryan Blowing A Dog?

A couple of weeks ago, I ended my column with a lie: "Next time:" I wrote, "What if Paul Ryan blew a dog whistle so loudly that everybody, not just dogs, could hear it?" Of course I had no...

Sources: America’s Sweetheart Monica Lewinsky To Open Wide, Tell All

Since it's obvious that all honorable and well-compensated jobs have disappeared into a puff of Internet ether, never to return, it's important that every American turn any brush with fame, no matter now ridiculous or humiliating, into a round...

Michelle Obama: Should She Be Allowed To Go To Mexico By Herself?

Famous organic farmer Michelle Obama is off to Mexico all by herself for an Official White House Journey! What will she do "south of the border," and doesn't she know it's totally unsafe these days for Americans to party...

Washington Post Furry Gets Blown In Back Alley

Wonkette's Newspaper Furry operative "Dan" sends this disturbing, secret sex picture and writes: "Attached for your pleasure is a digital photograph my girlfriend captured from my balcony. It was taken at this past weekend's 'Fiesta DC' Latino block-party...

Sleazy Washington Post Selling ‘Access’ To CEOs, For $25,000

America's neo-con pamphlet the Washington Post can be found festering in certain driveways from Reston to Chevy Chase, but sometimes that's not good enough for the powerful CEO or lobbyist who wants to, say, beat the shit out of...

CNN Tells America To Swallow

The last time we noticed CNN's daytime-teevee anchor lady, Kyra Phillips, she was just cold puttin' down her sister-in-law or something, on an open mic, and on a toilet. Good times! Now she is telling us about the important...

‘No, We Want the Nosebleed Seats’