Steve Kagen, a Democratic representing northeast Wisconsin in the House, won a bitter campaign involving brutal attack ads and visits to the district from Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. So, naturally, when Kagen met Rove, he trapped him in the bathroom and said crazy, crazy things. MORE »

Everyone calm down — Rick Santorum found a job! He’ll be paid a lot of money to “work” for the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a group whose name has once again made the Top Ten Most Ironically-Named DC Think Tanks list. The former Pennsylvania Senator will be directing the center’s brand-new “America’s Enemies program.” The program’s mission is to make as many enemies as possible and try to convince people to be terrified of them. MORE »

The entire Capitol and all the offices are filled with losers needing to clean out their junk, but still hanging out and refusing to leave. Two of those losers are departing Senators Jim Talent and George Allen. How are they coping with life in the private sector? Not particularly well, as two tipsters informed us this afternoon.

First, Senator Talent — a smart man, if a somewhat conspicuous one:

There is a huge tower of boxes in the hallway of the 4th floor of the Russell Senate Office Building labeled “Senator Talent’s Office. Please Shred”.

We like the directness. Anyone manage to snag a picture?

After the jump, a brief George Allen story that will warm the macacockles of your heart.

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There are plenty of laughs in this National Journal article about the thousands of unemployed Republican staffers now begging for Bush Administration jobs, but our favorite is this part — which proves the GOP knew all along that the midterms would be a bloodbath:

The White House has told GOP lawmakers and their staffs that it froze many political slots throughout the government before Election Day just so the administration could be ready to absorb furloughed Republicans. “They were prepared,” said one senior House leadership aide, who asked not to be named.

And don’t miss the charming tale of the 23-year-old Capitool with all of nine months on the job before his MoC was defeated. We’ve collected a few gems from this turbo, after the jump.

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Rep. John Sweeney lost his “safe seat” in the House after it was revealed that he kinda-sorta choked his wife a while back. Since then, according to the Albany Times-Union, he has gone crazy. MORE »

DoD staffers aren’t even waiting for the official Senate vote; they’re so sick of Rumsfeld that portraits of Robert Gates are already on the walls. MORE »

We assume Kitty will be following this little workshop with one called “Plotting Your Revenge,” but we are eternal optimists. MORE »

John Bolton, greatest American Ambassador to the UN ever, has resigned. We will let his number one fan do the honors: MORE »

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

So, what with the recent Democratic victory in the midterm elections, everyone knows that the People Have Spoken and there’ll be no more arguments or hate ever, right? Ha! That was a good one. No, in fact, there’ll just be more carnage, because the Democrats not only have to tackle a Republican president, but will also have to take on the one enemy who is always most pernicious to any Democrat: other Democrats. It’s going to be like an Elizabethan bear-baiting contest, but with fewer rules! And so, in honor of the upcoming carnage, we here at Cartoon Violence are pitting similarly themed entries from the week’s cartoons to decide who is the cartooniest.

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Some random guy in Pennsylvania decided to get rid of every single incumbent in the Pennsylvania House and Senate and actually managed to evict a total of 47 legislators through primary losses and retirements forced by voter outrage.

How did Russ Diamond pull this off? He spent less than $200 to start a web-based political action committee called PA CleanSweep and recruited 97 oddballs to run on a simple anti-incumbent platform, all because the Pennsylvania politicians had given themselves a huge pay raise atop an already huge pile of benefits.

Learn how four divorces, public drunkenness and your girlfriend’s abortion equal Political Success, after the jump.

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* Reliable Source: Grandpa Huxtable turned on the Norwegian Embassy’s Xmas Tree, ’cause dude loves Norway… Joan Collins goes to the Press Club, forgets name of own book. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Columbia College Republicans have new shirt that is kinda funny, kinda sad in light of midterm election results… Midterm losers have until Friday at noon to vacate their offices. After that, they get a cubicle with room for one member at a time… Smith Point owner to start new bar described as Smith Point for middle-aged people. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Did you hear? Jim Webb had some sort of altercation with George W. Bush… Pretend Rep. “Sherri Davis almost as amusing as real fake Rep. Shelley Sekula-Gibbs. [The Hill]