Wonkette

Ever since its founding by George Washington in 17-whatever-something, the District of Columbia has never heard the thrilling ring of gunfire. Finally, after more than two centuries of firearm-free boredom, Washington will get its very first guns, this month! MORE »

Hey everybody, here’s the video you’re all talking about — shocking proof that not so long ago, Dick Cheney obviously knew better than to invade Crazy Land and try to control it post-Saddam. We’re not sure why this video is suddenly going around today, because these points made by Cheney also appeared in the New York Times about 11 years ago and have been transcribed and quoted pretty regularly since 2003, but maybe it’s just easier to get things across with the talking pictures. The only real question is What changed Cheney’s mind?

We’ve read a hundred theories about the “real plan” for Iraq, etc., and none have come close to offering a clear explanation of the blood-soaked clusterfuck that is America’s Occupation of Iraq by people who knew from the start that they couldn’t successfully occupy Iraq.

Despite the great process the U.S. and U.K. have made in transforming Iraq into a blood-soaked Boschian hellscape of endless horror, the former country still isn’t quite safe enough for a major political stunt such as sending an heir to the British Throne there for photo ops. MORE »

It’s a bloodbath at Time Inc as everyone who works for them but Joe Klein finds themselves out of work. MORE »

Steve Kagen, a Democratic representing northeast Wisconsin in the House, won a bitter campaign involving brutal attack ads and visits to the district from Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. So, naturally, when Kagen met Rove, he trapped him in the bathroom and said crazy, crazy things. MORE »

Everyone calm down — Rick Santorum found a job! He’ll be paid a lot of money to “work” for the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a group whose name has once again made the Top Ten Most Ironically-Named DC Think Tanks list. The former Pennsylvania Senator will be directing the center’s brand-new “America’s Enemies program.” The program’s mission is to make as many enemies as possible and try to convince people to be terrified of them. MORE »

The entire Capitol and all the offices are filled with losers needing to clean out their junk, but still hanging out and refusing to leave. Two of those losers are departing Senators Jim Talent and George Allen. How are they coping with life in the private sector? Not particularly well, as two tipsters informed us this afternoon.

First, Senator Talent — a smart man, if a somewhat conspicuous one:

There is a huge tower of boxes in the hallway of the 4th floor of the Russell Senate Office Building labeled “Senator Talent’s Office. Please Shred”.

We like the directness. Anyone manage to snag a picture?

After the jump, a brief George Allen story that will warm the macacockles of your heart.

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There are plenty of laughs in this National Journal article about the thousands of unemployed Republican staffers now begging for Bush Administration jobs, but our favorite is this part — which proves the GOP knew all along that the midterms would be a bloodbath:

The White House has told GOP lawmakers and their staffs that it froze many political slots throughout the government before Election Day just so the administration could be ready to absorb furloughed Republicans. “They were prepared,” said one senior House leadership aide, who asked not to be named.

And don’t miss the charming tale of the 23-year-old Capitool with all of nine months on the job before his MoC was defeated. We’ve collected a few gems from this turbo, after the jump.

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Rep. John Sweeney lost his “safe seat” in the House after it was revealed that he kinda-sorta choked his wife a while back. Since then, according to the Albany Times-Union, he has gone crazy. MORE »

DoD staffers aren’t even waiting for the official Senate vote; they’re so sick of Rumsfeld that portraits of Robert Gates are already on the walls. MORE »