So the AP is doing this big feature on our Five Glorious Years of War In Iraq, and the story will be called, obviously, “Five Years In Iraq: The Blogger War.” And it is illustrated with, of course, a file photo of this Broadway theater during the thrilling run of the musical celebration Hitler’s Children, featuring the legendary blogger Xavier Cugat and, necessarily, the comedic stylings of Henny Youngman. The question is, Who do we need to go back in time and kill in order to prevent all of this from happening? MORE »

She is truly a monster, run by the Lizard King Bowser, running kamikaze nosedive straight into the soul of our personal Secular Jesuses. She is ruining everyone’s life. We need to end this primary, because all of this Internet ranting and raving about Hillary Clinton is just starting to sound too real. MORE »

• “Former Prince George’s County homeland security official Keith A. Washington, jailed awaiting sentencing for fatally shooting a furniture deliveryman and wounding another, was found last week with
  a handcuff key and had a ‘clear intention of escaping’, according to court papers filed by prosecutors.” [WP]
• “There are a lot of options for cheap bus rides to New York, so what makes BoltBus different? It operates on the EasyJet principle, where tickets start out dirt cheap and get more expensive as the bus gets fuller.” [DCist]
• “Connecticut Avenue around mid-day. Various Greenpeace fanatics around. One is professing her love of the environment on some yuppie. Another spots her next target: A tall man, long coat, just lit a cigarette.” [Eavesdrop DC]
• “You already eat out most nights. Admit it. Go on. Now, this Thursday, you get to know that a portion of that price you’re paying for not dirtying up your dishes is going for a good cause. Yes, kids, it is time for the annual ‘Dining Out for Life’ Night, all of which is to benefit ‘Food and Friends’.” [Brightest Young Things]
• “I’m not going to lie. I am no stranger to drinking beers and listening to a Mariachi band. I think it is one of life’s great pleasures. I just never thought I’d be drinking beers and listening to a Mariachi band in a Target ….” [Prince of Petworth]

• “I buy the Post every weekday. I spend $120 a year on the Post. I can’t do it anymore …. I will not support an organization that promotes such outdated and misogynistic bullshit.” [why.i.hate.dc]
• “You’re not going to like the sound of this: the final set of rules governing the switch from the zone system to time and distance taxi meters were published in the in the D.C. Register on Friday, and the additional passenger fee was added back in.” [DCist]
• “[T]the last time I checked we don’t live in a communist society where the independent private business is forced to subsidize part of the driving public.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
• “There’s just one problem with this idea; right now, Mark Warner is virtually guaranteed to be the next Senator from Virginia and Democrats are hungry to pick this seat up.” [Below the Beltway]
• “My nephew is going to be in town for a few days in April. He is 15. Do you know of any places to hear jazz (and maybe eat) where he can get in?” [DC Concierge]

William F. Buckley Jr., the founder of conservative politics, died yesterday, leaving a decrepit magazine and its very-Y2K blog as heirs. If you thought the endless eulogies on the National Review’s Corner blog might veer towards hyperbole as the news cycles went on, you were underestimating. How is Jonah Goldberg taking the news? Kathryn-Jean Lopez? The other 40 writers on the Corner? They’re honoring their founder’s legacy by promoting their books, relating the death to various natural disasters, and cursing the liberals ahead of time for disrespecting Buckley. Buckley, unfortunately, is not the problem. MORE »

* “The statues grimace, scream, tear at their hair and skin. Several have collapsed in agony. Others cry and rage at the heavens.” [WP]
* “The program, which starts Monday, directs county police officers to check the citizenship status of people suspected of breaking the law, no matter how minor the crime. The county also will start to deny some services to illegal immigrants.” [Below the Beltway]
* “Hmmm… I’ll take a ballsmatic one” [Eavesdrop DC]
* “Though Maryland doesn’t ban drivers from talking on phones while driving, sponsors said texting is even more dangerous and should be banned.” [WTOP]
* “I’ll admit it. I’m a sucker for Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust pizza. You know, the one that packs as much cheese as possible into every crevice of the pizza pie? Wait — are there crevices on a pizza?” [Metroblogging DC]

* “A jury yesterday rejected a former Prince George’s County homeland security official’s claim that he acted in self-defense when he opened fire on two unarmed furniture deliverymen.” [WP]
* “Starbucks will be closing its 7,100 stores nationwide tonight from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. in order to re-train all of its employees simultaneously on … how to make coffee.” [DCist]
* “If you thought you were whispering some conversation with a friend while riding in his cab and you think he is not listening, good luck! The chances are he probably heard all your kinky stories with his surveillance gear.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
* “Had I just seen what I thought I saw? Did this dude just eat my cookie?” [Arjewtino]
* “I know there is something deeply offensive about these commercials (other than the surplus of man titties). But I can’t quite my finger on it. It’s such a bombardment of crazy.” [why.i.hate.dc]

* “We had a very nice place in Pennsylvania for many years before we relocated down here. However, the cost differential between Western PA and the MD/VA/DC area was quite a staggering shock to my own financial sensibilities.” [Metroblogging DC]
* “About 50 demonstrators participated in the emotional rally Saturday morning. No protesters were arrested. Protester Marco Del Fuego says the group promotes a white supremacist agenda, like the Nazis.” [Examiner]
* “Fifty medical workers — doctors, nurses, therapists and administrators among them — sat in a room at Walter Reed Army Medical Center gazing at a slide of Donald Duck on a screen.” [WP]
* “So Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee, in order to protect students from their counselors’ ineptitude, says no more foreign talk until you’re a sophomore.” [why.i.hate.dc]
* “When I fell back down to the ground, I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look again. At this point the hawk is staring at me and I could easily see from its eyes that it was telling me to back the
fuck up.” [Prince of Petworth]

Is New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin threatening to kill Wonkette with his various automatic weapons? Check out this interview with a local New Orleans news station, where he yells at The Internet for making fun of that photo where he’s being silly, with firearms. He says that because he was criticized for this photo, the “blogs” are now putting his family at risk. Silly Ray, the blogs love you and your “rugged individual” approach towards governance. Besides, bloggers don’t have any weapons with which to inflict harm, since you own every weapon in the country. [WWLTV]

* “The latest Rasmussen Reports telephone survey of Virginia voters found Democrat Mark Warner still holding a significant lead over Republican Jim Gilmore in the race for the U.S. Senate.” [Below the Beltway]
* “The sign is formed by curling your forefinger down and tucking it into the fold of your skin between that finger and your thumb.” [Arjewtino]
* “The use of surveillance cameras by D.C. police has lowered violence in some areas of the city and helped to identify suspects and solve crimes, police say in a report released this week.” [WP]
* “Okay, now that we’ve all had time to get past the thought of some skeevy person randomly typing in letters and numbers in hopes of seeing god-knows-what in people’s private photo collections ….” [Metroblogging DC]

* “Washington Monument! Lots and lots of government! A donkey and an elephant! The White House with the President!” [DCist]
* “Perhaps I should have looked a little deeper. Sure, the walk featured nothing but houses and a military retirement community. But one of the houses was special. One of the houses was not just a house, but a home. A home to the greatest thief in the history of DC.” [why.i.hate.dc]
* “My representation of the total snow output resulting from this snow advisory.” [Metroblogging DC]
* “Let’s pretend you are a member of the Prince William County Board of Supervisors. Tax revenues are down, you’ve got a budget shortfall coming, and real estate values have plummeted. So what do you do?” [Below the Beltway]
* “Just kill her, if you kill her that means you don’t have a soul.” [Eavesdrop DC]