Failed campaign strategist/pollster/tyrant Mark Penn writes in his always forward-thinking Microtrends column today: “Paid bloggers fit just about every definition of a microtrend.” Hooray! We’re eating steaks tonight! And then maybe some dancing, MMHMM? Tell us more: “In America today, there are almost as many people making their living as bloggers as there are lawyers.” Hoor– HUH? Oh god this entire fucking column is wrong, isn’t it? MORE »

Here is why we missed Ted Kennedy: after entering the Pepsi Center, it takes eight or nine hours to figure out where you are supposed to park your ass and start typing. Also, we were getting chicken fingers. How was Teddy anyway? People were clapping, the sounds suggested. Here is probably where we were supposed to go, on the bottom dungeon floor next to a room full of live rats: “The Blogger Lounge.” Doesn’t it look so opposite-fancy? Blogging, it seems, has arrived.

Here is John McCain lamenting the Information Age in typical hilarious old-man fashion. First there are “the cables,” and then talk radio, and of course bloggers, whom he hates. Finally, something we can all agree on. [YouTube via BuzzFeed]

So the AP is doing this big feature on our Five Glorious Years of War In Iraq, and the story will be called, obviously, “Five Years In Iraq: The Blogger War.” And it is illustrated with, of course, a file photo of this Broadway theater during the thrilling run of the musical celebration Hitler’s Children, featuring the legendary blogger Xavier Cugat and, necessarily, the comedic stylings of Henny Youngman. The question is, Who do we need to go back in time and kill in order to prevent all of this from happening? MORE »

* HOLY SHIT IT’S A GIANT ASPARAGUS. [Prince of Petworth]
* “It’s inhuman and morally outrageous, yes. But man, that’s a pretty good idea for an online contest. If you could just tone down the evil you might really have something there.” [The DCeiver]
* Water, water everywhere, except in Adams Morgan. [why.i.hate.dc]
* “Um, what?” [DCist]
* Bitch, please. [Eavesdrop DC]

* Terrorists strike at Farragut North — millions killed, delayed. [why.i.hate.dc]
* “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.” [Arjewtino]
* Reading is FUNdamental. [DCist]
* “So, like fat people could create their own nation?” [Eavesdrop DC]
* Fuck the police. [Metroblogging DC]

* Change everything: “Rock and Roll Hotel is currently hiring potential security and door staff. If you think you’ve got what it takes to be apart of professional team in fast environment, please email.” [R&R]
* Six murders over the weekend. [Metroblogging DC]
* Pay $175 for someone older than your mother to explain the blogging. [Vegetables for Breakfast]
* “If you don’t make out with a girl when you first meet her, you failed.” [Roosh V]
* Gareth and his stapler are real. [TC the Terrible]

Washington Post editor Len Downie told some nerds today that “Everyone in our newsroom wants to be a blogger.” MORE »

* Cool topic, NOW TELL US WHERE RIGHT NOW! [Circle V] MORE »

They did that while fisking him. Then they blogrolled him onto his stomach, and pinged him so hard, he couldn’t walk right for a week… MORE »

We get a lot of reader email around here, and we try our best to read each message (and to respond when necessary). Given the sheer volume of correspondence we receive, there were many candidates to choose from; but this message must win for “best email we’ve received in a long, long time.” MORE »