Wonkette

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Of course, we don’t mind it if political cartoonists take certain … liberties with things. We know that Bill Clinton doesn’t really always have lipstick on his collar, for instance, and that Hillary Clinton doesn’t really wear dominatrix gear, at least not at campaign events. These are less lies than symbolic overrepresentation in the service of a higher truth.

Sometimes, though, political cartoons present us with out-and-out falsehoods, vile lies that subvert the very notion of truth, and this we cannot allow to stand. This week, Cartoon Violence pulls aside the curtain and reveals this fraudulent scribblers for what they are.

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* Everything you ever needed to know about national security law you learned by watching The Wire. [Danger Room]
* John Edwards is pissed his party powder shipment got opened by a staffer. [News & Observer]
* Tom DeLay wants to arm-wrestle Bill Clinton over who loathes Newt Gingrich more. [Captain's Quarters]
* Sam Brownback would like to take this opportunity to remind you that he does, in fact, hate the gays. To reiterate: hates the gays, definitely not gay himself. Nope, definitely not. [1115]
* Military blogger conference to have largest concentration of geeks that can kill you in three seconds. [Blackfive]
* Joe Trippi is sure as he can be that “Every one of these candidates is going to get caught in a macaca moment.” [PrezVid]
* Rahm Emmanuel finds Stephen Colbert “unsafe.” [The Hill]

* Read Express has a good primer for the Conservative Political Action Conference, including the lunch hot spot: McDonald’s. [Read Express]
* Trivia spots around town, although they left out Palace of Wonders. [The DC Concierge]
* “Does Petworth end at Kennedy or Missouri? Is there a North-South Petworth rivalry?” [Prince of Petworth]
* Where to take drawing classes. [Mid Atlantic and Washington, DC Art News ...]
* Maybe you already knew this, but Sara from Season 6 of “America’s Next Top Model” lives in DC. She was at the blogger happy hour last night. [MySpace]

Events like last night’s pretend book thing for Michael Musto’s La Dolce Musto are exactly the reason we keep party-boy Intern Nick on retainer. Because sometimes, some parties demand Wonkette treatment, but your editor doesn’t actually want to hang out with Jeff Gannon, Karen Feld, and Some Creepy Blogger.

He didn’t go alone, of course — Liz Gorman, Girl Reporter tagged along for the ride and vowed never to forgive us for skipping it. Her gallery of pictures is available right here, and Nick’s party report, with lengthy addendum, is after the jump.

“La Dolce Musto” Party Gallery

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* 2 Amy’s may become two story, with an adults-only second floor! [metrocurean]
* “It’s usually liberals calling for broad mandates and conservatives urging local control. But in this case, it’s Democratic Mayor Bill Euille asking for his community to be able to make its own decision, while Republicans in the General Assembly bitterly refuse to give up power and hang on to the statewide ban on smoking bans.” [The Green Miles]
* “This is what I love about the bloggers,” says Laura Sessions Stepp. [why.i.hate.dc]
* Commander of the Army’s Walter Reed Medical Center fired. [A Silent Cacophony]
* “Jesus Christ, even Richard Daley didn’t have a police chief who publicly said that she’d defer to him as to whether or not laws were enforced.” [The DC Universe]

It’s so great that presidential candidates have “blogs” where “idiots” write a regular stream of gibberish that’s at least tangentially related to an election to be held in November 2008 — otherwise, how would we know John Edwards’ “Second Life” headquarters was vandalized in the alternate dimension of computer-game world? MORE »

* Court upholds law insuring there will be no Guantanamo Redemption for the charming, good-natured inmates of that prison. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Supreme Court says smoking kills, but it’s still cool. [WP, NYT]
* David Geffen sits in a booster seat at the booster dinner he hosted for Barry Hussein. [WP]
* One hundred Americans in a room, and only 9 of the most stoned think they trust President Bush to improve national healthcare. [WSJ]
* Ellen Tauscher looks like low-hanging moderate fruit to the gaping maw of California hippie bloggers. [WP]
* Jurors begin deliberations today in the trial of that lying liar Scooter Libby. We’ll let you know if you need to pay attention. [WP, NYT]
* White House calls reduction of British forces in Iraq, “a sign of success.” [LAT, USAT, Guardian]
* Maybe there are actually three things from Texas. [NYT]

* A primer for politicians on how to cover-up their humorless sycophantic nature for five minutes while on teevee. [Politico]
* It’s impossible to read a Ted Kennedy post without hearing the slurring in your head. [HuffPo]
* Hillary campaign blogger’s background is so top secret it doesn’t even say “top secret” when Googled. [Election Central]
* Sean Hannity knows that “teachers are more dangerous than Al Qaeda.” Stay tuned tonight to learn how kittens and their yarn balls are destroying American values. [Think Progress]
* The Politico says Barack and Michelle (”Barchelle”) are as nice as those pretend colored people from The Cosby Show. [Politics.Wikia]
* Voters don’t care if a President loves the cock, pretty adamant about loving the Jesus. [Political Arithmetik]
* In Connecticut, Christopher Dodd gets a silver medal for futility — McCain takes Gold. [The Swamp]

We haven’t written a word on the John Edwards hired-bloggers scandal because it’s stupid and boring, but that didn’t stop Dan Gerstein. In today’s Politico, he lays out his case: Liberal bloggers are stupid anti-Christian meanies who need to be DESTROYED. And they’re bad for the Democratic party and Kos is a vampire, blah blah blah. MORE »

When the Post’s Howard Kurtz emailed us to let us know that he was writing about Michelle Malkin, we were excited. After all, not nearly enough is known about this reclusive, media-shy shrinking violet.

And if there’s anyone worthy of being taken seriously, it’s Malkin. From her groundbreaking book on Japanese Internment, Those Nip Fucks Deserved It, to her recent work exposing as fictional the Iraqi police officer/AP source who was later disappeared for talking to the press, Malkin is an intellectual powerhouse whose views need to be heard and publicized.

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* First Bush presser of ‘07 “confirms” there are Iranians in Iraq. [WP, NYT]
* This Iranian “Delta Force” is possibly operating outside of Iranian government control. Rambo couldn’t be reached for comment. [LAT]
* Debate over the Iraq “I told you so” resolution went pretty quick. Waiting for John Murtha to count up the $100 billion, however, will take longer. [WP, NYT]
* Rudy Giuliani might have to stop telling people to “get motivated” if he wants to “get elected.” [WP]
* Libby Trial bloggers almost like real reporters, but more witty. Oh so witty. [NYT]
* David Axelrod channels the political discourse of the angels, hangs with the brothers. [WP]
* With a loaded husband and a well-connected brother-in-law, you too can be a Democratic lobbyist! [WSJ]

* Malkin gets a scalp … of some official campaign blogger … two years before anyone could possibly give a shit. [Navel of the Internet]
* The 27-page “weirdness report” on Rudy Giuliani leaves readers with a lingering sense of, “yea, obv.” [The Smoking Gun]
* Who wants to see pictures of John Boehner crying? [Think Progress]
* Blogger rips venerable news magazine over reporting practices, universe remains unexploded. [Horse's Mouth]
* Osama’s dead! No, not the one you’re voting for next year — the other one. [Captain's Quarters]
* Iranian bombs now available with custom engraved gift messages. [TPM Muckracker]
* The “Weekly Worst in [Walnuts], because you’re just too darn busy to keep up with every McCain flip-flop, sell out or new principle.” [The Real McCain]
* Don’t forget your nemesis Valentine cards! [Rising Hegemon]

* Mitt Romney and John McCain are raising more money from conservative donors than the guy no one’s heard of, and the gay one. [WP]
* House opposes war in 100 words or less. [WP, NYT]
* President Bush ignores anyway, obv. [LAT]
* Libby trial meme of the day: Bob Woodward likes talking dirty with Richard Armitage. [WP, NYT]
* Shillest of the “right wing shills” make John Edwards’ campaign blogger cry, leave. [WP]
* The Basketball Diaries, by George Tenet. [NYT]
* Majority of Americans want troops, Bush home by 2008. [USAT]