Tag Archives: bloggers

  Here have some news n stuff

The Way Jeb Bush Is F*cking Up, You’d Think He Was Already Running For President

Maybe the not so S-M-R-T one
Jeb Bush — who has got to be tired by now of being laughingly referred to as “the smart one,” but screw him, let’s never stop doing that, he IS supposed to be the smart one, isn’t he? — has had a lot of campaign problems for a guy who hasn’t officially launched his presidential campaign yet. Here’s his latest: Read more on The Way Jeb Bush Is F*cking Up, You’d Think He Was Already Running For President…
  wonkette has left its couch

Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such

Ugh, they spelled the name of this blog wrong again! It’s spelled “Guardian.” Anyway, your Wonkette is here at the 2012 Netroots Nation conference in little-who-cares-whatever state Rhode Island, to watch liberals “pop off” about the issues of the day. We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in the military, at the same time, within half an hour of arriving. Read more on Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such…
  media elites

What Conservative Blogger People Totally Sold Out To Mitt Romney Yesterday?

Mitt Romney is a fraud and a liberal and they would never like him, the conservative Internettery told us for years. Who goes to closed-door suck-offs with politicians, anyway? But yesterday, they all met up to hug each other at the elite — ELITE — Capitol Hill Cub. Why have they abandoned the true conservative cause and sold out, horribly, and irreversibly, to their new best friend Mitt Romney? Aren’t they all going to Hell for this? (Sorry, excuse us, we’re enjoying ourselves, because this is totally what they would say.) Have they all apologized to their readers in the Conservative Movement yet, for selling out so quickly and aligning themselves to this fat cat abortion-loving Space Masshole? It seems the only organization with any integrity on the Republican side is World Net Daily. Read more on What Conservative Blogger People Totally Sold Out To Mitt Romney Yesterday?…
  likely stories

Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated

Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael “Savage” Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he had hawt videos of Barack Obama talking to liberals, which makes Barack Obama ineligible to be president (because he’s black). Important website World Net Daily reports, “It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.” In other words, the Weather Underground finally got Breitbart! Read more on Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated…
  whoa

Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead

American blog owner Andrew Breitbart is dead. He was 43 years old, and reportedly died of “natural causes” in Los Angeles early this morning. We knew Breitbart — “we,” meaning many of us who have written for Wonkette, including young Riley Waggaman, pictured above at left — and he was a pleasant enough goofball in person. Breitbart was also a talented writer of headlines (it really is an art!) who worked anonymously for many years as Matt Drudge’s assistant on the West Coast. What he is known for today is the vile collection of websites that includes “Big Government,” and his rambling, slurring appearances on broadcast media. Read more on Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead…
  inquisition slash fiction

K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit

Wingnut Catholic slash-fiction blog National Review Online insisted, at 4 a.m. today (!), that fake Catholic convert Newt Gingrich quit losing the GOP primary and instead let authentic Catholic wingnut Rick Santorum continue losing against Mormon liberal Mitt Romney. This is apparently news, even though Kathryn Jean Lopez has always loved Rick Santorum nearly as much as she loves Joseph Ratzinger in his lovely Prada slippers and bejeweled hat and silken dress. Will Newt respect the decision of K-Lo and immediately drop out of the race, to allow Rick Santorum a longer public moment to discuss sperm and gynecology and the right holes to ejaculate into, etc.? There is, after all, a sense that America needs this, for the next 10 or 11 months straight. Read more on K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit…
  love letters

Erick Erickson Asks Herman Cain If He Tried Turning It On and Off

Now that the puddle of human goo that used to be Rick Perry has finally been covered over with cedar shavings and left to dry overnight, perhaps we should refocus on polishing the rest of the turds who for some reason are still interested in getting Iowans to hate them slightly less than the other ghouls scrumming to become GOP CEO. (Because the rusty Democrat machine hates bizness, only the GOP gets to have a CEO. Enjoy those General Assemblies, hippies!) Erick Erickson, current jefe of #1 internet stratagem database/thinktank RedState, has some ideas for one particularly handsy GOP candidate which he shared in a open letter like some kind of peeved-off Democrat senator from a Nor’easter state. Read more on Erick Erickson Asks Herman Cain If He Tried Turning It On and Off…
  watergate redux

Huge Media Organization CNN Brags About Busting Minor Ohio Blogger

CNN sets it up: “Anthony Fossaceca, a blogger for OhioDaily.com, lambasted Kasich’s closing statement in Tuesday’s Ohio Governor debate as ‘the lamest, most cliche closing in debate history.'” And this blogger said it seemed like John Kasich made an anecdote about a Bob Evans conversation up. But CNN came to the rescue with their huge fact-checking staff and proved that this random blogger’s suggestion was incorrect, as that gubernatorial candidate was at Bob Evans. And so the network bragged about this on John King USA and their website today. Umm, congratulations? In CNN’s fight to do something meaningful in journalism, they are now losing merely 896,472,629,402,864,204,223 to 7. [CNN] Read more on Huge Media Organization CNN Brags About Busting Minor Ohio Blogger…
  an inconvenient toxic waste dump

Al Gore Academy Built On Toxic Waste Dump, Wingnuts Celebrate 9/11 Early

Have you registered for classes yet at the Carson-Gore Academy of Environmental Sciences, the brand new Los Angeles school named in honor of Al Gore’s pet polar bear, Carson? Well if you haven’t, DON’T! Turns out Al Gore’s Internet college was constructed atop a giant mound of toxic soil. This is funny to wingnut bloggers because they are well aware that Al Gore, like most humans, is not fond of toxic soil. “Oh sweet, sweet irony” or something? Read more on Al Gore Academy Built On Toxic Waste Dump, Wingnuts Celebrate 9/11 Early…
  economic stimulus

Shirley Sherrod Vows To Help Liberal Bloggers By Suing Breitbart

In these rancid sweltering days of summer when smart people are at their beach houses and only the poor and the dumb continue to “show up for work,” media professionals understand that there’s basically no news, and no audience for that lack of news. In late summers past, interns and near-retirement burnouts would dump a steady flow of pure bullshit into the world’s media stream, just to keep everything sort of functioning. UFOs, bears eating campers, “talking dildos,” Mother Mary on a quesadilla, surfing dogs, Wikileaks, weird speculation about what kind of awful secret Tim Russert took to his grave to allow Luke Russert to still stutter and sweat on MSNBC … these were the staples of the news business, until the grownups got back from the Hamptons and saw all the ratings and circulation and whatever all went right in the crapper, just like last summer. But this year is different, in at least one respect: Shirley Sherrod has vowed to keep page views and Nielsen ratings steady until Labor Day by announcing her plans to sue Andrew Breitbart in court, for that thing he did to her, because she was a random black person who worked for the Farm Bureau somewhere. Read more on Shirley Sherrod Vows To Help Liberal Bloggers By Suing Breitbart…
  darling nikki

Nikki Haley Will Get Lucky With All Other S.C. Republicans, Too

Despite detailed accusations that she’s having anti-Republican sexytime with half the Republican staffers and bloggers in South Carolina, Nikki Haley still has a 20-point lead in the polls and should sorta win the GOP primary tomorrow to eventually become America’s Hilarious New Mark Sanford. This is good for Wonkette! And it’s also a weird story, because South Carolina is run by white plantation owners — generally big fat bloated whites-only Country Club types dribbling their “Palmetto Fizz” down their golf shirts — and Nikki Haley is a hot Indian Sikh gal, which makes her both a Minority and a Woman, two things southern Republicans typically despise. What is happening? Read more on Nikki Haley Will Get Lucky With All Other S.C. Republicans, Too…
  darling nikki

Another South Carolina Republican Dude Claims He Banged Nikki Haley

Nikki Haley hopes to be the new Mark Sanford of South Carolina, and various fellow Republicans are doing everything they can to make sure the “Palmetto State” continues to be known as the GOP’s hourly motel of sexy/immoral extra-marital affairs. First, some weird blogger (and former aide to Mark Sanford) released the shocking details of his alleged affair with Nikki Haley, and now a Republican aide to the lieutenant governor claims he had a one-night stand (sexual intercourse at a motel) with Haley, who was and is married. Do the Republicans of South Carolina simply lack any basic morals? Read more on Another South Carolina Republican Dude Claims He Banged Nikki Haley…
  whoa hey

RUMOR: Political Blogger Had Sex With Lady?

Now this is strange: “A political blogger is claiming he had an ‘inappropriate physical relationship’ with Republican gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley,” of South Carolina. How can this possibly be true? South Carolina Republican political bloggers are wayyyyy too busy jerking off to bulldogs and muppets on the Chatroulette to ever hunt down fancy human ladies, even if they do have cool Tolkien collections to show off. Pics or didn’t happen. Read more on RUMOR: Political Blogger Had Sex With Lady?…
  our flourishing slave economy

THIS IS WHY WE NEED A BLOGGERS UNION FOR CHRIST’S SAKE: Now this is interesting, isn’t it. From Maryland politics blogger Adam Pugnacco: “Five weeks ago, I received an unsolicited offer from the Washington Post. They asked if they could post my picture and biography on their website and link to every new blog post appearing here if I agreed to produce regular original content for them at their request. I turned them down. Why? Because they wanted me to work for them for nothing.” There is much more, and a follow-up here. Richard Cohen, meanwhile, presumably still earns a paycheck from the Washington Post Co., America’s #1 value stock. [Maryland Politics Watch] Read more on …
  automatic freedom generators

George W. Bush And His Institute Will Save Bloggers, Everywhere

The “policy arm” of the Future, the George W. Bush Institute, is up and running! All of these policies will likely become law, soon. (You didn’t hear? George W. Bush granted himself binding post-presidential Papal Bull powers in a 11:59 pardon signing statement. He doesn’t know he signed this yet, though, so everyone be cool and shut the fuck up.) On Monday, Bush hosted several bloggers — “cyber dissidents” — from around the globe, arranged them according to how Free their home countries were, and then slapped their asses one-by-one with a wet towel before stealin’ their ‘puters. Read more on George W. Bush And His Institute Will Save Bloggers, Everywhere…