Ugh, they spelled the name of this blog wrong again! It’s spelled “Guardian.” Anyway, your Wonkette is here at the 2012 Netroots Nation conference in little-who-cares-whatever state Rhode Island, to watch liberals “pop off” about the issues of the day. We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in […]

Mitt Romney is a fraud and a liberal and they would never like him, the conservative Internettery told us for years. Who goes to closed-door suck-offs with politicians, anyway? But yesterday, they all met up to hug each other at the elite — ELITE — Capitol Hill Cub. Why have they abandoned the true conservative […]

Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael “Savage” Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he had hawt videos of Barack Obama talking to liberals, which makes Barack Obama ineligible to be […]

WHOA  10:33 am March 1, 2012

Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead

by Wonkette Jr.

American blog owner Andrew Breitbart is dead. He was 43 years old, and reportedly died of “natural causes” in Los Angeles early this morning. We knew Breitbart — “we,” meaning many of us who have written for Wonkette, including young Riley Waggaman, pictured above at left — and he was a pleasant enough goofball in […]

Wingnut Catholic slash-fiction blog National Review Online insisted, at 4 a.m. today (!), that fake Catholic convert Newt Gingrich quit losing the GOP primary and instead let authentic Catholic wingnut Rick Santorum continue losing against Mormon liberal Mitt Romney. This is apparently news, even though Kathryn Jean Lopez has always loved Rick Santorum nearly as […]

Now that the puddle of human goo that used to be Rick Perry has finally been covered over with cedar shavings and left to dry overnight, perhaps we should refocus on polishing the rest of the turds who for some reason are still interested in getting Iowans to hate them slightly less than the other […]

CNN sets it up: “Anthony Fossaceca, a blogger for, lambasted Kasich’s closing statement in Tuesday’s Ohio Governor debate as ‘the lamest, most cliche closing in debate history.’” And this blogger said it seemed like John Kasich made an anecdote about a Bob Evans conversation up. But CNN came to the rescue with their huge […]

Have you registered for classes yet at the Carson-Gore Academy of Environmental Sciences, the brand new Los Angeles school named in honor of Al Gore’s pet polar bear, Carson? Well if you haven’t, DON’T! Turns out Al Gore’s Internet college was constructed atop a giant mound of toxic soil. This is funny to wingnut bloggers […]

In these rancid sweltering days of summer when smart people are at their beach houses and only the poor and the dumb continue to “show up for work,” media professionals understand that there’s basically no news, and no audience for that lack of news. In late summers past, interns and near-retirement burnouts would dump a […]

Despite detailed accusations that she’s having anti-Republican sexytime with half the Republican staffers and bloggers in South Carolina, Nikki Haley still has a 20-point lead in the polls and should sorta win the GOP primary tomorrow to eventually become America’s Hilarious New Mark Sanford. This is good for Wonkette! And it’s also a weird story, […]

Nikki Haley hopes to be the new Mark Sanford of South Carolina, and various fellow Republicans are doing everything they can to make sure the “Palmetto State” continues to be known as the GOP’s hourly motel of sexy/immoral extra-marital affairs. First, some weird blogger (and former aide to Mark Sanford) released the shocking details of […]

And this is why politicians shouldn’t have ALLEGED affairs with fucking political bloggers: they *will* act like children in the aftermath. (That, and most are ugly, too.)

Now this is strange: “A political blogger is claiming he had an ‘inappropriate physical relationship’ with Republican gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley,” of South Carolina. How can this possibly be true? South Carolina Republican political bloggers are wayyyyy too busy jerking off to bulldogs and muppets on the Chatroulette to ever hunt down fancy human ladies, […]


by Jim Newell

THIS IS WHY WE NEED A BLOGGERS UNION FOR CHRIST’S SAKE: Now this is interesting, isn’t it. From Maryland politics blogger Adam Pugnacco: “Five weeks ago, I received an unsolicited offer from the Washington Post. They asked if they could post my picture and biography on their website and link to every new blog post […]

The “policy arm” of the Future, the George W. Bush Institute, is up and running! All of these policies will likely become law, soon. (You didn’t hear? George W. Bush granted himself binding post-presidential Papal Bull powers in a 11:59 pardon signing statement. He doesn’t know he signed this yet, though, so everyone be cool […]