Tag Archives: bloggers

  wonkette has left its couch

Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such

Ugh, they spelled the name of this blog wrong again! It’s spelled “Guardian.” Anyway, your Wonkette is here at the 2012 Netroots Nation conference in little-who-cares-whatever state Rhode Island, to watch liberals “pop off” about the issues of the day. We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in the military, at the same time, within half an hour of arriving. Read more on Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such…
  media elites

What Conservative Blogger People Totally Sold Out To Mitt Romney Yesterday?

Mitt Romney is a fraud and a liberal and they would never like him, the conservative Internettery told us for years. Who goes to closed-door suck-offs with politicians, anyway? But yesterday, they all met up to hug each other at the elite — ELITE — Capitol Hill Cub. Why have they abandoned the true conservative cause and sold out, horribly, and irreversibly, to their new best friend Mitt Romney? Aren’t they all going to Hell for this? (Sorry, excuse us, we’re enjoying ourselves, because this is totally what they would say.) Have they all apologized to their readers in the Conservative Movement yet, for selling out so quickly and aligning themselves to this fat cat abortion-loving Space Masshole? It seems the only organization with any integrity on the Republican side is World Net Daily. Read more on What Conservative Blogger People Totally Sold Out To Mitt Romney Yesterday?…
  likely stories

Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated

Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael “Savage” Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he had hawt videos of Barack Obama talking to liberals, which makes Barack Obama ineligible to be president (because he’s black). Important website World Net Daily reports, “It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.” In other words, the Weather Underground finally got Breitbart! Read more on Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated…
  whoa

Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead

American blog owner Andrew Breitbart is dead. He was 43 years old, and reportedly died of “natural causes” in Los Angeles early this morning. We knew Breitbart — “we,” meaning many of us who have written for Wonkette, including young Riley Waggaman, pictured above at left — and he was a pleasant enough goofball in person. Breitbart was also a talented writer of headlines (it really is an art!) who worked anonymously for many years as Matt Drudge’s assistant on the West Coast. What he is known for today is the vile collection of websites that includes “Big Government,” and his rambling, slurring appearances on broadcast media. Read more on Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead…
  inquisition slash fiction

K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit

Wingnut Catholic slash-fiction blog National Review Online insisted, at 4 a.m. today (!), that fake Catholic convert Newt Gingrich quit losing the GOP primary and instead let authentic Catholic wingnut Rick Santorum continue losing against Mormon liberal Mitt Romney. This is apparently news, even though Kathryn Jean Lopez has always loved Rick Santorum nearly as much as she loves Joseph Ratzinger in his lovely Prada slippers and bejeweled hat and silken dress. Will Newt respect the decision of K-Lo and immediately drop out of the race, to allow Rick Santorum a longer public moment to discuss sperm and gynecology and the right holes to ejaculate into, etc.? There is, after all, a sense that America needs this, for the next 10 or 11 months straight. Read more on K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit…
  love letters

Erick Erickson Asks Herman Cain If He Tried Turning It On and Off

Now that the puddle of human goo that used to be Rick Perry has finally been covered over with cedar shavings and left to dry overnight, perhaps we should refocus on polishing the rest of the turds who for some reason are still interested in getting Iowans to hate them slightly less than the other ghouls scrumming to become GOP CEO. (Because the rusty Democrat machine hates bizness, only the GOP gets to have a CEO. Enjoy those General Assemblies, hippies!) Erick Erickson, current jefe of #1 internet stratagem database/thinktank RedState, has some ideas for one particularly handsy GOP candidate which he shared in a open letter like some kind of peeved-off Democrat senator from a Nor’easter state. Read more on Erick Erickson Asks Herman Cain If He Tried Turning It On and Off…
  watergate redux

Huge Media Organization CNN Brags About Busting Minor Ohio Blogger

CNN sets it up: “Anthony Fossaceca, a blogger for OhioDaily.com, lambasted Kasich’s closing statement in Tuesday’s Ohio Governor debate as ‘the lamest, most cliche closing in debate history.'” And this blogger said it seemed like John Kasich made an anecdote about a Bob Evans conversation up. But CNN came to the rescue with their huge fact-checking staff and proved that this random blogger’s suggestion was incorrect, as that gubernatorial candidate was at Bob Evans. And so the network bragged about this on John King USA and their website today. Umm, congratulations? In CNN’s fight to do something meaningful in journalism, they are now losing merely 896,472,629,402,864,204,223 to 7. [CNN] Read more on Huge Media Organization CNN Brags About Busting Minor Ohio Blogger…
  an inconvenient toxic waste dump

Al Gore Academy Built On Toxic Waste Dump, Wingnuts Celebrate 9/11 Early

Have you registered for classes yet at the Carson-Gore Academy of Environmental Sciences, the brand new Los Angeles school named in honor of Al Gore’s pet polar bear, Carson? Well if you haven’t, DON’T! Turns out Al Gore’s Internet college was constructed atop a giant mound of toxic soil. This is funny to wingnut bloggers because they are well aware that Al Gore, like most humans, is not fond of toxic soil. “Oh sweet, sweet irony” or something? Read more on Al Gore Academy Built On Toxic Waste Dump, Wingnuts Celebrate 9/11 Early…
  economic stimulus

Shirley Sherrod Vows To Help Liberal Bloggers By Suing Breitbart

In these rancid sweltering days of summer when smart people are at their beach houses and only the poor and the dumb continue to “show up for work,” media professionals understand that there’s basically no news, and no audience for that lack of news. In late summers past, interns and near-retirement burnouts would dump a steady flow of pure bullshit into the world’s media stream, just to keep everything sort of functioning. UFOs, bears eating campers, “talking dildos,” Mother Mary on a quesadilla, surfing dogs, Wikileaks, weird speculation about what kind of awful secret Tim Russert took to his grave to allow Luke Russert to still stutter and sweat on MSNBC … these were the staples of the news business, until the grownups got back from the Hamptons and saw all the ratings and circulation and whatever all went right in the crapper, just like last summer. But this year is different, in at least one respect: Shirley Sherrod has vowed to keep page views and Nielsen ratings steady until Labor Day by announcing her plans to sue Andrew Breitbart in court, for that thing he did to her, because she was a random black person who worked for the Farm Bureau somewhere. Read more on Shirley Sherrod Vows To Help Liberal Bloggers By Suing Breitbart…
  darling nikki

Nikki Haley Will Get Lucky With All Other S.C. Republicans, Too

Despite detailed accusations that she’s having anti-Republican sexytime with half the Republican staffers and bloggers in South Carolina, Nikki Haley still has a 20-point lead in the polls and should sorta win the GOP primary tomorrow to eventually become America’s Hilarious New Mark Sanford. This is good for Wonkette! And it’s also a weird story, because South Carolina is run by white plantation owners — generally big fat bloated whites-only Country Club types dribbling their “Palmetto Fizz” down their golf shirts — and Nikki Haley is a hot Indian Sikh gal, which makes her both a Minority and a Woman, two things southern Republicans typically despise. What is happening? Read more on Nikki Haley Will Get Lucky With All Other S.C. Republicans, Too…
  darling nikki

Another South Carolina Republican Dude Claims He Banged Nikki Haley

Nikki Haley hopes to be the new Mark Sanford of South Carolina, and various fellow Republicans are doing everything they can to make sure the “Palmetto State” continues to be known as the GOP’s hourly motel of sexy/immoral extra-marital affairs. First, some weird blogger (and former aide to Mark Sanford) released the shocking details of his alleged affair with Nikki Haley, and now a Republican aide to the lieutenant governor claims he had a one-night stand (sexual intercourse at a motel) with Haley, who was and is married. Do the Republicans of South Carolina simply lack any basic morals? Read more on Another South Carolina Republican Dude Claims He Banged Nikki Haley…
  whoa hey

RUMOR: Political Blogger Had Sex With Lady?

Now this is strange: “A political blogger is claiming he had an ‘inappropriate physical relationship’ with Republican gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley,” of South Carolina. How can this possibly be true? South Carolina Republican political bloggers are wayyyyy too busy jerking off to bulldogs and muppets on the Chatroulette to ever hunt down fancy human ladies, even if they do have cool Tolkien collections to show off. Pics or didn’t happen. Read more on RUMOR: Political Blogger Had Sex With Lady?…
  our flourishing slave economy

THIS IS WHY WE NEED A BLOGGERS UNION FOR CHRIST’S SAKE: Now this is interesting, isn’t it. From Maryland politics blogger Adam Pugnacco: “Five weeks ago, I received an unsolicited offer from the Washington Post. They asked if they could post my picture and biography on their website and link to every new blog post appearing here if I agreed to produce regular original content for them at their request. I turned them down. Why? Because they wanted me to work for them for nothing.” There is much more, and a follow-up here. Richard Cohen, meanwhile, presumably still earns a paycheck from the Washington Post Co., America’s #1 value stock. [Maryland Politics Watch] Read more on …
  automatic freedom generators

George W. Bush And His Institute Will Save Bloggers, Everywhere

The “policy arm” of the Future, the George W. Bush Institute, is up and running! All of these policies will likely become law, soon. (You didn’t hear? George W. Bush granted himself binding post-presidential Papal Bull powers in a 11:59 pardon signing statement. He doesn’t know he signed this yet, though, so everyone be cool and shut the fuck up.) On Monday, Bush hosted several bloggers — “cyber dissidents” — from around the globe, arranged them according to how Free their home countries were, and then slapped their asses one-by-one with a wet towel before stealin’ their ‘puters. Read more on George W. Bush And His Institute Will Save Bloggers, Everywhere…
  republicans in the news

CNN’s New Star Just ‘Too Passionate’ When He Called Michelle Obama a ‘Marxist Harpy,’ Etc.

CNN’s new anchorman, RedState turd Erick Erickson, is very sorry for calling David Souter a “goat-fucking child molester” because, uh, people are so offended by Erickson’s dumb bullshit that they yelled at his wife! (The nerve!) So, what Erick Erickson means is, he’s sorry that you were offended by his blog, which after all is just a blog! Read more on CNN’s New Star Just ‘Too Passionate’ When He Called Michelle Obama a ‘Marxist Harpy,’ Etc….
  bomb washington dc

Left-Wing Liberal Blogs To Destroy Sanctity Of White House Pool Reports

The most challenging investigative task a prominent Washington journalist could ever face in his or her career is to cover the White House Pool Report beat, where our greatest reporters take turns following the President during off-hours — just in case anything like a sex affair or juicy “gaffe” happens — and then share the vital journalism information with each other for common use. (This is a form of Communism.) The rotation has traditionally been composed of reporters from the Washington bureaus of the top 30-ish newspapers and magazines, and the average fare usually features three or four muckraking sentences about how a deputy press secretary made a funny joke about another reporter who every reporter knows to have a wacky reputation for the exact thing the deputy press secretary made a joke about… oh you wouldn’t get it, ha ha ha. But this is all over now, due to the recent addition of two left-wing bloggers into the rotation. Read more on Left-Wing Liberal Blogs To Destroy Sanctity Of White House Pool Reports…
  angry typing battles

White House Official Position: Weird Gay Bloggers Are Fine, Can Wear Pajamas If They Want

The secret White House advisor (RAHMBO?) who upset Andrew Sullivan and other members of the “Internet left fringe” so greatly by telling them to wear real pants instead of pajamas, guess what his or her sentiment doesn’t represent? “That sentiment does not reflect White House thinking at all,” according to White House deputy communications director Dan Pfeiffer, “we’ve held easily a dozen calls with the progressive online community because we believe the online communities can often keep the focus on how policy will affect the American people rather than just the political back-and-forth.” Oooh, “phone calls.” “A dozen calls.” Has anyone ever not worn pajamas to talk on the telephone? [Greg Sargent] Read more on White House Official Position: Weird Gay Bloggers Are Fine, Can Wear Pajamas If They Want…
  human slime

Someone Was Not Civil, Near Lanny Davis!

Stunningly awful Washington lawyer/lobbyist-cum-pundit Lanny Davis, who demands everyone take a pledge to be civil while he literally does whatever X corporation pays him to do, uses his latest column in The Hill to condescendingly lecture Markos “Kos” Moulitsas about how he didn’t properly apologize to a congressman for an error he made in his own column in The Hill, recently. Does The Hill have a veritable donnybrook on its hands? Read more on Someone Was Not Civil, Near Lanny Davis!…
  respecting the rule of law

Friendly D.A. Saves Andrew Sullivan From Life Sentence In Gitmo, For Smoking Marijuana

And what would a 9/11 anniversary be without mentioning celebrated British gay Catholic conservative liberal American male white adult pundit Andrew Sullivan! But this story has nothing to do with his particular archive of 2001 to 2003 insanity. It is about marijuana. He was caught smoking the marijuana by a Forest Ranger in Provincetown, Massachusetts this summer! Even though pot possession has been decriminalized in that state, silly Andrew was caught in a National Park, with its superseding laws, so that was kind of a terrible idea, to smoke drugs there. Read more on Friendly D.A. Saves Andrew Sullivan From Life Sentence In Gitmo, For Smoking Marijuana…
  rumors on the internets

Supreme Court Moonlights As Obama’s First Death Panel

What will “blogger” mean in five years? Will “blogger” still be synonymous with “unemployed,” or will it have other meanings, like “someone who enjoys sex with dead people” or “a derogatory term for homosexuals”? Or both? Find out! In five years. [Matt Yglesias] Read more on Supreme Court Moonlights As Obama’s First Death Panel…
  loose lips sink ships

Palin Lawyer Will Take Complaint Straight To Some Blogger’s Kindergarten Classroom If Necessary

Still no word on whether or not that whole “OMG Sarah and Todd are getting divorced” thing is any more true than the whole “OMG Palin is resigning because she’s under federal investigation” thing. Will these sorts of rumors fall into the same bucket as “Dick Cheney resigning as VP due to Libby/war crimes/etc. and will be replaced by Condi Rice,” or will they eventually be proven as factual as “John Edwards enjoyed boning dippy videographer while wife had cancer”? Time will tell! But in the meantime, here is a delightful letter from ex-governor Palin’s lawyer, offering to frighten a room full of little children because a blogger was spreading rumors about Sarah Palin’s marriage. [AlaskaReport] Read more on Palin Lawyer Will Take Complaint Straight To Some Blogger’s Kindergarten Classroom If Necessary…