Oh look, our pal Shirley finally ended her well-deserved weeks of R&R to hold a press conference with Ag Secretary Tom Vilsack-of-poop about him groveling to get her to come back to the USDA. She decided not to take the job, because who wants to work for Tom Vilsack? That’s not exactly titillating news, but […]

If you guys ever want to hang out with Alvin Greene, just call him up. He’ll do it. He’s no snooty Confucian.

Sen. Carl Levin was holding a question-and-answer session in Big Rapids, Michigan today when an anti-war protester hit him with a pie. We’ve been scouring the Internet for a photo of this funny turning point in the history of American aggression, but the best we could come up with is this accurate Blingee re-enactment.

What the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks is going on? Your editor just returned from a frantic/miserable week of “summer vacation,” with nothing but occasional glances at the USA Today to remind him of this American Politics/Collapse thing — did you know America Loves Cake, and everyone is still unemployed, and the nation is melting?

Primary elections for both Democrats and Republicans tonight are said to be “crowded,” just like a hott nightclub, with lots of candidates to make us all sweaty. And luckily, your Wonkette will liveblog the whole affair so you can get all the Congressman Pete Hoekstra you can handle! Not to mention all the hott (Michigan […]

IMPORTANT NEWS: Yes, the cover of Sarah Palin’s next book has been revealed, and is positively agog. Asks “Tainler,” “Does anyone think this is another step towards a presidential run?” Yes, yes we do. How many American flags are there here? Three. 3+1(“#1 New York Times Bestseller”)=4. How many years is a presidential term? […]

Last week, a “nationally-known pro-life supporter from Washington, D.C.,” Randall Terry, came to Greenville, South Carolina and hanged and beat up effigies of Sen. Lindsey Graham. There is a precious photo gallery of this historical event of lolz, which may prove to be the turning point in our nation’s history. Photo One: Bystanders look on […]

Yesteday, we linked to a dumb attempt by human poop-leech Andrew Breitbart to paint the NAACP as racist hypocrites. Wow, that certainly was silly! Everyone can see how silly that was! Oh no? Not everyone? Right, our modern political discourse requires us to treat baseless incendiary attacks by scumbags as serious while treating the actual […]

Yesterday it was reported the North Iowa Tea Party pooled their Camel Cash together so they could let all of Mason City know that Obama is a socialist a la Hitler. But after all the libtard and British blogs posted pixx of this irrelevant thing in the middle of nowhere, the teabaggers called the billboard […]

New York Yankees owner Geroge Steinbrenner keeled over and died of a heart attack this morning to the amusement of baseball fans everywhere. He was 80 in terms of human-years and is best remembered for breaking the hearts of children across the country for decades by taking their favorite players and giving them ridiculous amounts […]

After teasing you with a photo of Obama and a post about Medvedev’s Twitter account, it’s time we finally acknowledge the BIG POLITICS NEWS of the day: President Obama took Russian President Medvedev to Ray’s Hell Burger in Arlington for lunch. You of course remember the top political story of last year, Obama taking Biden […]

Hooray, it’s… an ugly Blingee! It depicts America’s Fence, keepin’ those perverts away from America’s Piper Palin, except for the ones that can moondance through the large, large gap. Happy Memorial Day weekend to the troops, as well as regular humans! Everyone walkin’ around the beach, stone drunk, no pants, no nothin’… (Also, your departing […]

Did you know that your precious Death Panel legislation includes a mandate to resurrect the corpse of Karl Marx thrice yearly, or else face a maximum penalty of one percent of your income plus ten minutes in a dark room with John Boehner? Look at the President chortling as he zaps Marx to life! He […]

Official Wonkette Cat “Leo” says, “Well, 2006 had its moments.” ???. Leo is retarded. Merry Christmas from your Wonkette, dear readers!

The Senate voted YES PLZ for Sonia Sotomayor today, 68 to 31, and now abortion is legal all over again! Congratulations Miss Lady, “give ‘em hell” out there, as a judge, of the Law. Meanwhile, nine Republicans voted for her, so they will be in trouble with Rush Limbaugh for some time. [NYT]