blingees
In Unfamiliar Role, Wonkette Scours Internet for Good News
Yr Wonkette, just like everybody else, still stuck in one of the first four stages of the five stages of grief. (“Acceptance” is not on the table. Not now, not ever). In order to get through the day, we’ve been searching the internets for things that are not awful. We have also been drinking but [...]
Iowa Weather Advisory: Beware Rising Wave of Santorum
Uh-oh, guys, get your haz-mat suits out from the bottom of the survival kit: we are noticing a rapidly growing flood of “Santorum surging” stories out there right now, GAH. Rick Santorum has shot into third place in Iowa in the latest NBC-Marist poll, which means that every last weepy Republican homophobe who has actively [...]
Hooray, Fraud Everywhere Envelops Looming Wisconsin Recall Elections!
Wisconsin’s critical elections to recall six Republican legislators and regain control of the state senate take place next week on August 9, which means it is time for the privately-funded organisms of Terror and Death to hurl into action with all their vote-inhibiting might. We have pictured here an actual Voter Deception mailer blingee courtesy [...]
Wingnuts Just Love This ‘American Dream’ Facebook Photo Contest Thing
The American Chamber of Commerce is running a photo contest on Facebook asking people to “submit a photo of the American Dream as it is embodied by your small business or a business in your community.” HUUNNHHH? Apparently this was sort of a tough assignment for folk, correctly figuring out what the words in that [...]
Wasilla Soldier Who Murdered Afghans For Fun Also Posed With Their Heads
Another proud product of Wasilla, Alaska, Army Specialist Jeremy Morlock has plead guilty to three counts of murder for killing Afghan civilians to pass the time when he wasn’t killing the other kind of Afghans. But that’s not all! Some of Morlock’s comrades have also been charged with following his lead to murder these people, [...]
Elton John Pleads Not Guilty To Arizona Shooting Deaths
Jared Loughner pleaded not guilty today in federal court in Phoenix. Sure thing! Good luck with that! But according to courtroom illustrations, it wasn’t Loughner who entered the plea, but someone who appeared to be beloved recording artist/dear friend of Rush Limbaugh Elton John. C’mon Arizona, you can’t prosecute the gays for this. [CTV]
Tom Coburn Slashes 9/11-Cancer Relief, Suddenly Has Evil Goatee
Just weeks after Joe Miller’s stunning midterm loss, facial hair has finally returned to the Senate, as Tom Coburn has, heroically, suddenly grown the goatee (“Van Dyke”) of Santa Claus’ evil twin or whatever. And, powered by a churning gizzard full of holiday douchenog, he managed to single-handedly slash today’s 9/11 first-responder health benefits bill [...]
Invisible Space Monsters Made of Arsenic Will Kill Us, NASA Announces
NASA finally made their big announcement about alien life this afternoon: They were looking around some mud somewhere and found a microorganism that is made of arsenic instead of the usual stuff of which every other living thing on Earth is made. This means life can perhaps exist in many other ways we can’t conceive, [...]
Here Is Your Photo of TSA Fisting a Guy
So this fun news photo was being passed around today! It has now been enshrined in Blingee form, thanks to us, and will soon be put into the National Archives. One day we will look back on this Blingee and try to remember what it was like when the federal government wasn’t feeling up our [...]
Nation Celebrates Columbus Day Eve By Throwing Book, Showing Its Dick
Everyone decided it was Do Shit to Obama Day when the president had a rally in Philadelphia yesterday. Some unknown person threw a paperback book at him, for one, though apparently the president didn’t notice, so our antsy nation must wait until next time to try to change Obama’s reading habits again by tossing magazines [...]
Rand Paul, Jack Conway Meet At Kentucky Urinal
The great thing about this country is its diverse character. Some states have their Senate candidates debate at podiums. Others have them debate at urinals.
Wonkette’s Liz Glover & Lady Gaga Had a Yoga Thing
Hahahaha, here’s the complete text of a secret email from Famous Wonkette videographer of record Liz Glover: “Say of it what you will. I trust your judgment.” Wait, is that a good idea, Liz? Especially when international video-singer sensation “Lady Gaga” was sweatin’ to the oldies in your Capitol Hill Yoga Studio? Right after her [...]
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