Okay, for the future: you should know that your editor has an English degree, and the only way he will ever use this in life is by quoting semi-famous lines from novels to see if anyone “gets” them, like a douche. “Look at this tangle of thorns.” We received zero Lolita-themed Blingees which is too bad, because that person would have automatically won. But back to the horror show: Congratulations to winner Jennifer F., for this awesome mutant thing with its dancing penis banana trimming. You win an “iPhone,” Jennifer! It’s a telephone, but it can do other stuff too! Runners-up after the jump. MORE »

BLINGEE CONTEST. Send your entry (link or attachment) to tips@wonkette.com by 3:30 this afternoon with the subject line, “LOOK AT THIS TANGLE OF THORNS.” Winner gets an “iPhone.” Well? MUSH, MUSH. [Washington Independent]

Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun wins this massive Blingee contest with relative ease for the strong theme, the well-placed “masks,” and most importantly for recognizing that every single post by your editors on this website is, on some level, an allegory to the Cloud City scene in The Empire Strikes Back. Atheist Nun perhaps implies, “These monsters, we do not know their motives,” but probably not. Anyway your iPod is in the mail. Overnighted. (There is no iPod, that was a lie.) Let’s check out some other good ones after the jump, and then you losers can post links to your more loser-y ones in the comments. MORE »

BLINGEE SUBMISSIONS WINDOW CLOSED: There were zero submissions to our latest Blingee contest for about half an hour, and now there are 100 to 150. GODDAMNIT. This will take a long time to go through, and where the hell is that rascal Intern Juli? So expect the winners post… later. To see who “wins an iPod.” In the meantime enjoy this submission that didn’t fit within the contest’s constraints, but is truly amazing anyway.