Well, that was a very fancy narrative television show Barack Obama produced! We’ll pick up 6 episodes, with an option for 13. (Would have been better if Meredith Grey had come out in the end with a little monologue about her fear of commitment and then had sex with Barack Obama on top of the Straight Talk Express, though.) So let’s turn to MSNBC now and watch Keith Olbermann masturbating into a pot holder. MORE »

This election year might be the most exciting in generations, but that doesn’t mean the conventions won’t be as boring as ever! Now that Hillary Clinton has robbed us of our last, greatest chance for a Convention Floor Fight featuring a shirtless Ted Kennedy jello wrestling a be-thonged Harold Ickes, Democratic conventioneers will be forced to spend their endless days milling around committee meetings and bitching about their chillblains. And the next weekend, Republicans will be too wasted from partying till 4am every night to do anything but golf-clap through Mitt Romney’s vice presidential victory speech. MSNBC will be there to cover all this dull boringness for literally 20 hours a day. This will be journalism’s own Bataan Death March. Will Chris Matthews make it out alive? [New York Times]