Tag Archives: blah people

  just say dear god no

Michelle Obama Terrifies Nation With Hippity-Hop Love Songs To Vegetables

We’ve known for years that FLOTUS and POTUS are wrecking everything good and true about America because of being blah, but we never thought that they could sink this low. We’ve had to endure the ignominy of Aretha Franklin and her enormous hat getting soul all over My Country Tis of Thee. We’ve had to see the precious precious Medal of Freedom go to Oprah, when everyone knows it should have gone to zombie Johnny Carson or that nice dead gay Merv Griffin. These things have all brought us to our knees, Lord, but nothing prepared us for Michelle Obama making a rap record. Read more on Michelle Obama Terrifies Nation With Hippity-Hop Love Songs To Vegetables…
  cash rules everything around mitt

Mitt Romney vs. Most Black People

Not valid as legal tender for free stuff.
BIG NEWS ALERT FROM JOURNALISM, GUYS! Reports are coming in Fast and Furious that Mitt Romney, over the course of a mere 24 hours, kind of just single-handedly torched to cinders any and all of the minor gains Republicans might have recently made among non-“Heartland” Americans. (Single-handedly torching things to cinders is the Bain way, after all!) The Romney campaign, fresh off a, well, received speech to the annual NAACP convention, is now being accused of sneaking outside blacks in to the event (like you do with Reese’s Pieces and bottom-shelf hooch), in order to fake some kind of groundswell of African-American support. Oh, and then, in one of those quiet rooms he’s so fond of, the candidate himself went shooting off to donors about the impudent and boisterous non-Mitt Romney-approved blacks at the NAACP, who “should vote for the other guy” if they just want free government goodies/health insurance. All the juicy, sexy, newsy details after the jump! Read more on Mitt Romney vs. Most Black People…
  because 'florida'

Stand Your Ground Totally Not Adversely Affecting Black People

Good news everyone! Well, good news and bad news — a mixed bag of news. First, we bring you the bad news: turns out, Florida’s Stand Your Ground law has allowed drug dealers, gang members, killers, animal abusers, and violent attackers to walk free. But now for the good news! Floridians are extra creative when it comes to this law, using it in cases that lawmakers never envisioned. Talk about thinking outside the box! Read more on Stand Your Ground Totally Not Adversely Affecting Black People…
  that's not racial transcendence

This Just In: GOP Is True Party of Civil Rights Because of Welfare, or Something

Your Wonkette loves a fun fact, and Kevin D. Williamson’s most recent essay for the National Review Online is full of them! The funnest fact of them all is the core argument of the piece, which is that the GOP is the civil rights party, but there are lots more! For example, did you know that Frederick Douglass’ expression of Republican political identity is as “true and relevant” today as it was then? Your Wonkette has always thought so, what with Douglass’ concerns about the inherent moral depravity associated with vast accumulations of private property and his ties to Socialists and the fact that he received the Socialist Labor Party (née Equal Rights Party) nomination for VP. Just obvious, total Republican. Read more on This Just In: GOP Is True Party of Civil Rights Because of Welfare, or Something…
  door ass etc.

Young Turks Stop Yelling Long Enough To Bid Rick Santorum Adieu (VIDEO)

Keith Olbermann’s favorite political television program hoster ever, Cenk [Last Name] of The Young Turks on Current TV, has put together a touching video tribute to the man who made this GOP primary season bearable for so very many of us. What would we have had without his spitting, his sneering, his whining and pouting, and — most importantly — those smegma-slicked lips? Nothing, it would have just been Newt Gingrich yelling at John King (and John King apologizing for having the bad manners to ask questions in a debate) and constantly horribly ill-at-ease Mitt Romney stuttering and flop-sweating. That would not have been interesting no matter how many times Diane Sawyer went to the pharmacy for airplane glue! (Grampa Ron Paul continues to not actually exist.) After the jump, relive the good times. (And Cenk [Last Name] doesn’t yell even once.) Read more on Young Turks Stop Yelling Long Enough To Bid Rick Santorum Adieu (VIDEO)…
  just start drinking

Let Us Now Have National Debate Over Whether Rick Santorum Said N-Word

It is now a fact of wiener face Rick Santorum’s life that every time he chews up his tongue during a speech and a few errant syllables sneak out, people will assume he was trying to stop himself from saying something racist mid-way through a word. This is Rick Santorum’s punishment from Jesus, for vanity, for usurping the Lord’s superpowers and claiming the invention of a new species, “the blah people.” Thus thirty million humans saw a video of Rick Santorum battling with a word that sounds like it starts with “N” and then immediately rushed to email your Wonkette with the news that it was THAT N-word. Let’s all carefully watch the video and have an opinion, shall we? Read more on Let Us Now Have National Debate Over Whether Rick Santorum Said N-Word…