Tag Archives: blago

  the sun rises again on america

BLAGOJEVICH GUILTY ON ONE COUNT, AND IT’S NOT FOR BRIBING ANYTHING: Popular reality-show contestant Rod Blagojevich has been found guilty of only one of the 24 charges against him, making a false statement or representation to the FBI. The jury was hung on the rest of the charges. And now the sleazebag will surely declare victory in a parade of teevee appearances. How the hell did this happen? Obama and his mobster pals were on the jury, of course. [CNN] Read more on …
  if it doesn't fit you must acquit

Blagojevich Jury Deadlocked On 22 of 24 Counts

America’s Governor, Rod Blagojevich, cannot be convicted of anything because he’s too sexy. This is why the jury just told the judge, “Uhhh,” as they can’t decide on ANYTHING, and are permanently, hopelessly deadlocked on 22 of the 24 counts. (And those other two, wire-fraud/telephone charges, haven’t even been decided.) FREE BLAGO HE IS PURE AS ELVIS. [Sun Times] Read more on Blagojevich Jury Deadlocked On 22 of 24 Counts…
  popular recording artists

Listen To All Your Favorite Rod Blagojevich iTunes!

As part of his corruption trial, professional entertainer Rod Blagojevich has been appearing at Chicago’s Federal Courthouse Bar & Lounge all month to revisit some of his greatest recordings — including “I’ve Got This Thing, and It’s Fucking Golden,” his definitive hit. To capitalize on all the Blago-related excitement, the Chicago Tribune is posting the ex-governor’s greatest work along with lesser-known demos and home recordings and even handy lyrics sheets, as they’re shared with the court. Copies of his “royalty checks” are posted there, too! Read more on Listen To All Your Favorite Rod Blagojevich iTunes!…
  there he goes

Blagojevich Spends His ‘Trial Eve’ Making Playtime

It’s an important day in world history: the kick-off of Rod Blagojevich’s Effing Golden, Parachute-Me-There Courtroom Circus Spectacular. So how does one go about mentally preparing for the stress of facing 24 federal criminal counts? Maybe a nice jog through the mean streets, or some kickball? Read more on Blagojevich Spends His ‘Trial Eve’ Making Playtime…
  veritable donnybrooks

Reporter Lady In Kerfuffle With Blagojevich, At Disneyworld

Wacky whore & fraud Rod Blagojevich, who was indicted on 16 counts of epic corruption in Chicago yesterday, is currently on vacation at the Florida amusement park Walt Disney World. Oh, and he is with his family. Some local teevee reporter lady got wind of this yesterday and went to his hotel pool area to harass him, ha. In the end we are introduced to a new and very comical figure, this very touchy fat slob who may or may not be Blagojevich’s bodyguard. [YouTube] Read more on Reporter Lady In Kerfuffle With Blagojevich, At Disneyworld…
  can't judge a book by lookin' at the cover

Blago’s Book Sure To Be Bestseller

There is only one way we’re buying Rod Blagojevich’s sure-to-be-shitty “inside story” about how he’s an “incompetent crook” and “washed-up circus clown” — and that’s if Chicago’s Lauri Apple actually provides the cover art. And the “book” is not actually written by Rod Blagojevich, and is also not about him at all. The back cover needs to be the famous “I CAN PARACHUTE ME THERE” illustration, the end. [Chicagoist/TrendPiece] Read more on Blago’s Book Sure To Be Bestseller…
  our new joe the plumber

Rod Blagojevich Finally Gets Consolation Prize

Forgotten hairball Rod Blagojevich thought he could finally cash in big with Barack Obama’s Senate seat, but that didn’t work out too well. Then Rod went on every talk show and cable-news program to jabber hysterical bullshit, and that really didn’t lead to riches, either. Now, at the end of both his political career and his brief stint as America’s Diversionary Joke, Blago has signed a very modest “six figure” deal to write an idiotic book. (“Six figure,” in this case, almost certainly means exactly $100,000 — a lot of money, to most people, but a lot less than the $155,600 he used to make as governor of Illinois.) [AP/WBBM] Read more on Rod Blagojevich Finally Gets Consolation Prize…
  this guy again

Blago’s Head Attorney Quits, Because Client Is Insane

Attorney Edward Genson has abruptly quit his role leading the Gov. Blago defense team two days before the idiot’s impeachment trial begins in the Illinois Senate. Instead of listing the standard “personal reasons” or a professional conflict of interest, Genson cites that JESUS CHRIST HOW DO YOU WORK WITH THIS IDIOT: “I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require them to at least listen.” Read more on Blago’s Head Attorney Quits, Because Client Is Insane…
  historical moments

Roland Burris Adds New Honor To His Tomb

Rod Blagojevich for the win! The comedy continues, as smirking creep Dick Cheney swears in megalomaniacal Death Monument-builder Roland Burris. This marks the end of racism and the Triumph of the Black Spirit. [AP] Read more on Roland Burris Adds New Honor To His Tomb…
  breaking

RACISTS IMPEACH BLAGO: “SPRINGFIELD—In a historic vote, the Illinois House has impeached Gov. Rod Blagojevich, directing the Senate to put the state’s 40th chief executive on trial with the goal of removing him from office. The vote by the House was 114-1 and marks the first time in the state’s 190-year history that a governor has been impeached…” Well this is just terrible news, isn’t it. But what’s this now? “A spokesman for the governor said he won’t resign.” Hooray! [Chicago Breaking News] Read more on …
  heroes

Blago’s Press Conference Almost As Funny As Rick Sanchez’s Twitter Updates

Here’s CNN’s coverage of the wacky Kipling-inspired Blago press conference, in which the governor of Illinois is on cocaine, lots and lots of cocaine. And for those of you who didn’t understand our constant exclamations about Rick Sanchez’s Twitter in the liveblog, well, pay attention. It is the best possible thing to happen on cable teevee, showing crazy Internet peoples’ comments during actual news events. One of the last ones sums up the hilarity: “sundaycosmetics: Are u taking story ideas fm Twitter?” [YouTube] Read more on Blago’s Press Conference Almost As Funny As Rick Sanchez’s Twitter Updates…
  mobland

Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Been Snitching On Blagojevich For YEARS (Maybe!)

So Blagojevich tried to shake down Jesse Junior for $25K years ago, and Jesse was all, “I don’t think so,” and then Blaggy somehow made Mrs. Jesse Jackson Junior not get some sweet job, and then he was all, “Now you see what $25,000 is worth, you punk,” and Jesse Junior thought this over, for a couple of years, and then went straight to the U.S. Attorney’s office. Illinois is incredible. [CNN] Read more on Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Been Snitching On Blagojevich For YEARS (Maybe!)…
  according to the wingnuts

K-Lo: Blago’s Corruption Stems From His Liberal ‘Pro-Choice’ Position

We already knew that National Review Online editor and former secretary Kathryn Jean Lopez was proud of America when the Blagojevich scandal broke because (a) it was simple enough for her to understand and (b) it didn’t involve queers. In her column today, however, she offers even more trenchant insight regarding Blago’s conscience — why he didn’t have one, so to speak. Perhaps a childhood tragedy left him scarred? Perhaps “narcissistic personality disorder,” which is a medical disease? Perhaps lingering depression? Simple greed? Please. A writer of K-Lo’s caliber need not engage such ridiculous psychological dalliances. The point is that Blago is evil because he loves abortion, much like the Democrats. Read more on K-Lo: Blago’s Corruption Stems From His Liberal ‘Pro-Choice’ Position…
  the fifth beatle

Rod Blagojevich’s Terrible Hair Found Guilty of Everything

Here’s some courtroom sketch of that Blaggy guy, Illinois mafioso Rod Blagojevich, suffering under the burden of this incredible hair monster. Here’s a quick tip for voters on the lookout for “clean” candidates: If they have hair like this, in 2008, they are a complete fucking criminal. No exceptions. [Princess Sparkle Pony] Read more on Rod Blagojevich’s Terrible Hair Found Guilty of Everything…