Repulsive swamp cow Mark Penn has so many personal microtrends that they all add up into one megatrend, which is “Mark Penn will take money from anybody, including Satan.” Here is Rachel Maddow responding to Penn’s latest bullshit about his latest scandal — claiming his PR firm hasn’t done work for Blackwater murder gangs. [Gawker]

• Sam “Who? Oh right” Brownback will quit his job as Senator of Kansas so he can be Governor of Kansas. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Obama’s entire dumb listserv hates him for begging them to buy Hope paraphernalia, and the families of everyone on Obama’s dumb listserv hates him for indirectly being responsible for their receiving of Hope paraphernalia. [Politico]
• Condi & the State Department recommended against re-hiring securities contractor Blackwater when the firm’s contract expires next year. It will quietly be replaced by Joe Biden’s weird squadron of hellpuppies. [The Daily Beast]
• Gays and friends of gays and non-Mormons are terribly upset that Obama picked Prop. 8-supporter Rick Warren, he of Saddleback and nauseating goatee notoriety, to deliver the invocation at his Inauguration. [AMERICAblog]
• Laurie Coleman, wife of Norm, has hired a lawyer named Earl Gray, who’s described as an “aggressive defender of celebrity clients” and, alternately, “a blend of Indian and Ceylon teas.” [TPMMuckraker]

• There’s nothing more compelling than an idea whose time has come. [New York Times]
• Someone may have mentioned to the President that there was an issue with the security contractors. Maybe more than once. [Washington Post]
• Hey, listen, better luck next time Rudy. [New York Times]
• Campaigns have people trolling the comments pages of political sites? We havent fucking noticed. [Wall Street Journal]
• Hey, Huck, we knew you didn’t like taxes but we didn’t know that you’re retarded. [Los Angeles Times]
• Hillary Clinton would like to draw your attention to her vagina. [Washington Post]
• Oh, so it turns out God is dead. [Washington Times]
• But when it comes to telling the Senate just how they’re spending they’re money, Churches answer to a higher power. [New York Times]

So people have this crazy concoction that private security force Blackwater likes to go around Baghdad and shoot people for no apparent reason. What a silly billy thing to say! Obviously, they shoot people — or animals — that piss them off, which is like half-legal for private contractors in Iraq. The New York Times has certainly been pissing Blackwater off every since the whole “massacre” thing by, you know, chronicling very clearly how in-the-wrong Blackwater was. And how does Blackwater respond to the Times‘ ballbusting? BY SHOOTING ITS DOG. MORE »

With a little push from the Freedom of Information Act, which we all know is pretty much useless once the man strikes all the good stuff, the State Department has released its $1.2 billion Blackwater contract. Out of 323-page document, 169 pages were blank with enough redactions to have it read like a dyslexic’s version of The Anarchist’s Cookbook. One random list simply reads: battery carrier tool, quick booster kit, heavy-duty work bench, distilled water and WD-40. Now, heads will start roll. Blackwater Contracts, Short on Detail [WaPo] MORE »

Sketchy State Dept. Inspector General Howard “Cookie” Krongard has resigned over the Blackwater fallout. In a statement, Krongard cited his recent battles with congressional Democrats. “I have nothing further to say at this time,” he said. MORE »

Buzzie and Cookie Krongard, Blackwater’s version of Cain and Abel, dealt their final blows to one another last week. Finally, when the dust settled, Buzzy was forced to leave his advisory board post he just joined due to perceived conflict with brother Cookie, a State Department inspector general who some thought was going easy on the privateering mercenaries. Well, no more worries now! Happy Turkey Day, Blackwater! Brothers, Bad Blood and the Blackwater Tangle {NYT] MORE »

Yesterday, Howard “Cookie” Krongard (no, we didn’t make that nickname up), the Inspector General at State, testified on Capitol Hill about his role in not launching an investigation into Blackwater activities in Iraq. He got all pissy with the Committee when they wanted to know why he was involved since his brother, Alvin “Buzzy” Krongard (no, we didn’t make that nickname up either), was on Blackwater’s advisory board, calling it an “allegation.” But when they took a recess, Cookie called Buzzy and found out that, whoops, he was indeed on the advisory board. In addition to his weird nickname and apparently bad attitude, Cookie now has an additional asshole ripped especially for him by the members of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. [Washington Post]

The ubiquitous Mark Penn, adviser to Sen. Hillary Clinton and Blackwater, as well as raving Diet Coke enthusiast and pitchman, tells us one day we will all work from home. The New York Times Magazine reports: “In his new book, “Microtrends,” the Democratic pollster Mark Penn notes that 4.2 million Americans now work exclusively from home (a nearly 100 percent increase from 1990), while some 20 million do it part time. Some of these workers are employees who telecommute to traditional offices, but most represent a kind of modern, untethered American work force.” MORE »

“Long-time Bush adviser Karen Hughes will leave her post as undersecretary of state at the State Department in mid-December, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced Wednesday.” Sad! Especially since the State Department has been promoting American ideals of “freedom” so well in the Middle East recently. For example: Those Blackwater guards were able to shoot civilians at will because they were free. [CNN]

One of old man Politico’s blogs, The Crypt, had an interesting story up earlier today called “Blackwater Plans To ‘put The Mercy Back In Mercenary,’” but now the the link to that story goes straight to Politico.com. Ruh roh.

The story referenced a Blackwater USA “release” in which the infamous company announced it would form a “Department of Corporate Integrity” to rebuild its image. Politico has since pulled down the story, probably because the release was a hoax.

What’s awesome about computers, however, is that copy-paste exists. After the jump, the full Politico story.

UPDATE: Politico has revealed that the fake press release was from lefty protest group CODE PINK — like that raging hobo lady who attacked Condi last week. Brilliant. MORE »