Tag Archives: blackwater

  You Gotta Ask Me Nicely

Blackwater’s Erik Prince Wrote A Book About Erik Prince, And How He Is Awesome

With Blackwater back in the news, Yr Wonkette is pleased to bring you this review of a book written by Blackwater founder Erik Prince. This post is made possible by a generous grant from the Edward Bernays Foundation for Accuracy in Memoirs and War Reportage.  The book Civilian Warriors is Blackwater founder Erik Prince’s Song of Himself. It is a tome in which Prince celebrates himself, and sings his body electric, and what he assumes you shall assume. Does Blackwater founder Erik Prince contradict himself? Very well, then he contradicts himself, he is large, he contains multitudes. Civilian Warriors leaps nimbly between either Prince himself and one ghostwriter or Prince himself and several ghostwriters, and it’s legitimately difficult to tell the difference (sometimes). It’s also a masterpiece in having your heavily armed paramilitary cake and eating it too. Read more on Blackwater’s Erik Prince Wrote A Book About Erik Prince, And How He Is Awesome…
  our men in baghdad

Blackwater Employee In Iraq’s Foolproof Job Security Plan: Threaten To Kill People Who Wanted To Fire Him

The mercenaries of Blackwater are truly the gift that keeps on giving. Why, they couldn’t stop giving bullets to a bunch of poor Iraqi civilians back in 2007, to mention just one of many, many, many incidents, and a few of them are finally standing trial for it. Now some State Department documents related to the case have leaked, and wouldn’t you know it, when they weren’t busy murdering Iraqi civilians, these charming gentlemen out of Graham Greene’s worst nightmares were threatening the lives of a couple of State employees charged with making sure they were doing their jobs. Let us descend into this script treatment for a terrible Oliver Stone movie together. Read more on Blackwater Employee In Iraq’s Foolproof Job Security Plan: Threaten To Kill People Who Wanted To Fire Him…
  justice delayed better not be denied

Blast From The Past! Murdery Blackwater Guards Finally Standing Trial

We haven’t thought about Blackwater in awhile, probably because they changed their name to Xe, which sounded like some sort of Scientology thing. That only lasted a couple years, and now they’re Academi, which just makes it look like they can’t spell. Anyway, we’re thinking about BlackXeMi today, because those guards that murdered a fuckton of Iraqi people — ALLEGEDLY — are finally on trial. About goddamn time. It has been seven fucking years, people. Read more on Blast From The Past! Murdery Blackwater Guards Finally Standing Trial…
  freedom isn't free!

U.S. Military As Good At Fraud As It Is Killing Random Brown People

Every single day of the last miserable decade, the U.S. Military has pissed away more than $16 million in fraudulent contracts in Afghanistan and Iraq. That’s $60 billion thrown away on wasteful handouts to Pentagon contractors during the wonderful War On Terror — $60 billion thrown away without even killing random goat farmers who committed “terror” by being born in an impoverished country that happened to be a good, out-of-the-way place to test robot death planes around the clock. And these numbers come not from some external objective accounting project, but from the U.S. government itself. So, the numbers are obviously lies, and are probably off by several hundred billion dollars. Let’s cut Social Security benefits from a program that’s fully funded from people’s paychecks, because “entitlements” are bankrupting the country! Read more on U.S. Military As Good At Fraud As It Is Killing Random Brown People…
  let the eagle soar

Beloved Patriot John Ashcroft Works For Blackwater Now

Fundamentalist fringe-right creep John Ashcroft is now working for fringe-right private death squad contractor Blackwater (since renamed to try to make people forget it’s called Blackwater). Hooray for corruption, crony capitalism, disastrous wingnuttery and U.S. death squads: Read more on Beloved Patriot John Ashcroft Works For Blackwater Now…
  it's justice day!

Feds Nail Five Blackwater Executives; Evil Racist Fascist ex-LAPD Chief Finally Dead

The Justice Department just indicted five evil southern scum-lords who used to run Blackwater, the private murder company hired by Dick Cheney to kill everyone in Iraq. The charges? Weapons violations, something about illegal machine guns, lies to the Feds, general criminality. No murder charges, because it’s always the little shit that brings down these big shits. Oh and Daryl Gates, evil-ass racist LAPD chief during the Rodney King era, is dead. The Friday after Tax Day is Moral Tax Day! [Reuters/TPM/NYT] Read more on Feds Nail Five Blackwater Executives; Evil Racist Fascist ex-LAPD Chief Finally Dead…
  alan grayson sure is nutty!

BLACKWATER SAVES ALAN GRAYSON FROM EVIL LAND: Last week, beloved rich smartass liberal Rep. Alan Grayson was chillin’ in Niger when, oh shit, a military coup went down and he almost got shot and killed. Thankfully a Blackwater or “Xe” subsidiary’s jet was there to fly him to safety. Can you spin this one yourself? Probably, but anyway: Shouldn’t liberal Alan Grayson reconsider his criticism of military contractors’ central role in American wars, now that a plane has saved him from another country? Ugh! [Mother Jones] Read more on …
  double-entry bookkeeping

Blackwater Allegedly Kept Hooker On Payroll

Once upon a time there was a cabal of psychotic rapey naked jackasses who liked to “gallivant around nearly nude” in Afghanistan and Iraq when they weren’t busy scaring the shit out of local residents and occasionally murdering them. This cabal was called “Blackwater,” and it was quite a scandal, all the rapey psychotic murderous things they did! But then they changed their name to “Xe” and magically overnight all their problems went away. Alas, now some former Blackwater employee is stirring the pot again by saying that the company billed the US government for the use of one (1) hooker in Kabul, which was unethical. Read more on Blackwater Allegedly Kept Hooker On Payroll…
  pig monsters

Mark Penn Still a Scumbag

Repulsive swamp cow Mark Penn has so many personal microtrends that they all add up into one megatrend, which is “Mark Penn will take money from anybody, including Satan.” Here is Rachel Maddow responding to Penn’s latest bullshit about his latest scandal — claiming his PR firm hasn’t done work for Blackwater murder gangs. [Gawker] Read more on Mark Penn Still a Scumbag…
  rumors on the internets

Sam Brownback Does Something Boring For Attention

Sam “Who? Oh right” Brownback will quit his job as Senator of Kansas so he can be Governor of Kansas. [CNN Political Ticker] Obama’s entire dumb listserv hates him for begging them to buy Hope paraphernalia, and the families of everyone on Obama’s dumb listserv hates him for indirectly being responsible for their receiving of Hope paraphernalia. [Politico] Read more on Sam Brownback Does Something Boring For Attention…
 

Vagina Monologues

There’s nothing more compelling than an idea whose time has come. [New York Times] Someone may have mentioned to the President that there was an issue with the security contractors. Maybe more than once. [Washington Post] Read more on Vagina Monologues…
 

Blackwater Murders the NYT’s Dog!

So people have this crazy concoction that private security force Blackwater likes to go around Baghdad and shoot people for no apparent reason. What a silly billy thing to say! Obviously, they shoot people — or animals — that piss them off, which is like half-legal for private contractors in Iraq. The New York Times has certainly been pissing Blackwater off every since the whole “massacre” thing by, you know, chronicling very clearly how in-the-wrong Blackwater was. And how does Blackwater respond to the Times‘ ballbusting? BY SHOOTING ITS DOG. Read more on Blackwater Murders the NYT’s Dog!…
 

Blackwater Contract Shows Use of WD-40!

With a little push from the Freedom of Information Act, which we all know is pretty much useless once the man strikes all the good stuff, the State Department has released its $1.2 billion Blackwater contract. Out of 323-page document, 169 pages were blank with enough redactions to have it read like a dyslexic’s version of The Anarchist’s Cookbook. One random list simply reads: battery carrier tool, quick booster kit, heavy-duty work bench, distilled water and WD-40. Now, heads will start roll. Blackwater Contracts, Short on Detail [WaPo] Read more on Blackwater Contract Shows Use of WD-40!…
 

Cookie’s Cooked, Done and Gone!

Sketchy State Dept. Inspector General Howard “Cookie” Krongard has resigned over the Blackwater fallout. In a statement, Krongard cited his recent battles with congressional Democrats. “I have nothing further to say at this time,” he said. Read more on Cookie’s Cooked, Done and Gone!…
 

Buzzed, Cooked and Done!

Buzzie and Cookie Krongard, Blackwater’s version of Cain and Abel, dealt their final blows to one another last week. Finally, when the dust settled, Buzzy was forced to leave his advisory board post he just joined due to perceived conflict with brother Cookie, a State Department inspector general who some thought was going easy on the privateering mercenaries. Well, no more worries now! Happy Turkey Day, Blackwater! Brothers, Bad Blood and the Blackwater Tangle {NYT] Read more on Buzzed, Cooked and Done!…
 

Uber Flack Mark Penn Grounds Us All

The ubiquitous Mark Penn, adviser to Sen. Hillary Clinton and Blackwater, as well as raving Diet Coke enthusiast and pitchman, tells us one day we will all work from home. The New York Times Magazine reports: “In his new book, “Microtrends,” the Democratic pollster Mark Penn notes that 4.2 million Americans now work exclusively from home (a nearly 100 percent increase from 1990), while some 20 million do it part time. Some of these workers are employees who telecommute to traditional offices, but most represent a kind of modern, untethered American work force.” Read more on Uber Flack Mark Penn Grounds Us All…
 

“Long-time Bush adviser Karen Hughes will leave her post as undersecretary of state at the State Department in mid-December, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced Wednesday.” Sad! Especially since the State Department has been promoting American ideals of “freedom” so well in the Middle East recently. For example: Those Blackwater guards were able to shoot civilians at will because they were free. [CNN] Read more on …
 

Politico Falls for Hoax Blackwater Press Release

One of old man Politico’s blogs, The Crypt, had an interesting story up earlier today called “Blackwater Plans To ‘put The Mercy Back In Mercenary,'” but now the the link to that story goes straight to Politico.com. Ruh roh. The story referenced a Blackwater USA “release” in which the infamous company announced it would form a “Department of Corporate Integrity” to rebuild its image. Politico has since pulled down the story, probably because the release was a hoax. What’s awesome about computers, however, is that copy-paste exists. After the jump, the full Politico story. UPDATE: Politico has revealed that the fake press release was from lefty protest group CODE PINK — like that raging hobo lady who attacked Condi last week. Brilliant. Read more on Politico Falls for Hoax Blackwater Press Release…
 

Blackwater Employee Ends Congressional Bid

An employee of Blackwater USA, maker of Barbie and the Nintendo Wii, has curtailed his bid as a Republican for Indiana’s 2nd District House seat, according to the South Bend Tribune. Despite Blackwater’s reputation for heroic feats of derring-do, Chris Minor of Kokomo (he’s from a Beach Boys song??) has recognized that “The vital work of providing intelligence analysis for our country’s diplomatic efforts in Iraq demands my full attention.” Ex-Army officer drops out of race for Congress [South Bend Tribune] Read more on Blackwater Employee Ends Congressional Bid…
 

Be a Bloodthirsty Mercenary, or Look Just Like One!

Yesterday, we brought you the New York Times roundup of crappy campaign swag, an action which virtually guarantees that within a couple of weeks, college campuses will be rife with ironic hipsters strutting around with Huckabee messenger bags. Today’s shopping trip is to the wonderful, wonderful Blackwater store, a shop bursting with a fabulous array of fashions for him, her and baby, too! Read more on Be a Bloodthirsty Mercenary, or Look Just Like One!…
 

Your Daily Blackwater Schadenfreude Update

Whoo! So much Blackwater news coming so fast and so furiously down the pike today! We know you don’t have time to sit around reading all the stories about America’s favorite ragtag band of mercenaries — especially if you’re in Iraq, where you could be shot by a Blackwater contractor at any moment! — so, after the jump, we have a hand bullet-point summary of the hot, hot soldier-of-fortune action. Read more on Your Daily Blackwater Schadenfreude Update…