Wonkette

Remember hilarious football-holding horse-riding racist dildo George Allen? He was supposed to be the “new Ronald Reagan,” but the Daily Kos or whatever videotaped him calling a fellow of Indian ancestry some kind of African monkey. Next thing you know, people found out George Allen was ashamed to be a secret Jew, and he maybe stuffed the heads of deer into black people’s mailboxes (?), and it was all hilarious and wonderful. Anyway, George Allen’s back! And he will convince, er, black people to vote for the Republicans! MORE »

Here’s a hilarious new ad from Tennessee Democratic House candidate Nikki Tinker, which is the latest in her long history of comical antisemitism against Rep. Steve Cohen, a J-O-O. She tells him to get out of “OUR churches,” where he campaigns. Ha ha, she asks, “WHO IS THE REAL STEVE COHEN ANYWAY?” This is so awesome. Oh, and they have their Democratic primary tomorrow! Who will win, the black or the Jew? Ugh, what an awful choice to have to make. [YouTube]

• OBAMA AND MCCAIN SPLIT THE ELECTORATE IN OBVIOUS AND PREDICTABLE WAYS: Oh Goodness This Just In! Younger people like Barack Obama, while older folks like John McCain; the black peoples favor the one while the white peoples favor the other. So, unless a big segment of voters plans on effecting a rapid change in age or race in the next few months, we might as well hold this frigging election now. Meet your new president, Bob Barr. [Wall Street Journal]

Here is your Barack Obama on the cover of a German magazine called zitty, which according to Wonkette German Translation Operative Mia is “Berlin’s version of Time Out.” She writes, “The headline translates roughly to, ‘I am Black! And that’s great.’ It’s a word play on the coming-out speech of Berlin’s gay mayor.” The article begins with a Morrissey quote, in order to make Barack Obama seem even gayer. [zitty Berlin]

Here is nutball Harriet Christian, the “older white woman” and New Yorker famous for ranting on the Internet about how the DNC is giving its nomination to an “inadequate black man.” She tells Fox News icon Neil Cavuto that Obama’s victory is illegitimate because “99% of the blacks don’t even know why they’re voting for him.” Touché! [YouTube]

Here is the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, famous controversial figure, way back in December of 1966, when he was a U.S. Navy medic and installed a black man’s heart inside Lyndon B. Johnson, which is how we got Civil Rights. Thanks to commenter RSSDude DaveBowman for posting the pic. [P. Cash Perspective]

Barack Obama got in big trouble this week for going to this big church in Chicago because the retired reverend there once said some uncomplimentary things about the American Tradition of Slavery, but it turns out the Reverend Jeremiah Wright is no stranger to people who like to be president. In fact, Rev. Wright was at the White House taking Bill Clinton’s confession after our nation’s most tragic moment, when Hillary had to take the 3 a.m. call because Bill was getting sucked off by a fat gal in the Oval Office. Wait, what? MORE »

Once every year, white people in politics pretend to care about Martin Luther King Jr., who was assassinated four decades ago when his racial-equality preaching drifted over to the far more dangerous economic-equality preaching. It was one thing to let the black people sit wherever on the bus — white people had cars — but it’s a whole different story when you’re talking about taking the rich people’s stuff! And tonight in South Carolina, the Democrats will debate who can recite the most noble things about MLK. As a result, blacks might just “go Democrat” in 2008. We’ll be here with liveblogging action at 8 p.m. Eastern. DO NOT MISS IT UNLESS YOU ARE RACIST. [CNN Politics]

Is Bill Clinton, the man who blacks love most, a racist? Perhaps, long ago, when he was sending his grandmamma edgy postcards from Georgetown. Page Six explains: MORE »

Well, Alan Keyes has an answer for you if you’re poor and stuck in D.C. and it sucks: Get rich and move to the Maryland and Virginia suburbs! Stop crying! But Mike Huckabee would actually give D.C. a right to vote. He seems to care about this stuff. He should go make out with Dennis Kucinich or something. MORE »

The joy continues as Alan Keyes begins to go crazy! Hooray! Also, our original post is here so go catch up and then join the fun in the comments. MORE »

Tonight (and only tonight) is Black America’s chance to shine. Enjoy our continued liveblogging of the candidates pretending that the most important thing in their campaign is to help black people.

All the pander-astic action is after the jump.

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It’s time, everybody, it’s time! Feel the disconnect as Nightly Business Report segues to PBS Presidential Primary Forums With Tavis Smiley. Ladies and gentlemen, get your cocktails ready.

Come on in, the water sucks.

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Guess what we’ve got coming up tonight in just two hours? ANOTHER GODDAMNED PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE DEBATE, THAT’S WHAT. MORE »