It sure was Christmas morning for racists on the Fox News commenter forum today! MORE »

As the first president to use email in the White House, just a dozen years after email became the civilized world’s primary form of communication, Barack Obama is the world’s greatest technological revolutionary, because of his new Blackberry featuring encryption. But who gets to forward stupid jokes and YouTubes to our Commander in Chief? Hardly anybody at all, that’s who: Gibbs, Axelrod, probably Michelle, and chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, who regularly updates Obama with all the fucking ways he’s going to motherfucking destroy that fuck John Boehner, who is fucking dead to him. [NYT/Gizmodo]

• Obama will get to keep his precious BlackBerry after all, except he be using some weird fancy encrypted BlackBerry that Michelle will buy for him from J.Crew. [Marc Ambinder]
• The victims of yesterday’s tragic inconvenience, in which some earnest hippies were stuck underground for a bit and then later turned away from their Inauguration “seats”, have started a totally unexpected Facebook group. These people are the real heroes. [Ben Smith]
• National idiot Chris Wallace isn’t sure that this Barack Obama is technically even President, what his native Muslim tongue being unable to properly pronounce our American words in their decent, Christian order. [Crooks and Liars]
• People pretty much agree that the Benediction was way better than Warren’s Invocation because Warren would not shut up about Jesus [Christ] and Lowery was pleasingly vague. [AMERICAblog]
• The confirmation of Eric Holder was supposed to be a done deal today, but Republicans want to delay a bit so that he will not jail the entire government for all their dedicated years of torturing. [Politico]

It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on the musings of Washington Post in-house coot Richard Cohen, who’s hated every single development in American culture since 1958. Earlier this year he spent a whole column ranting about the kids and their tattoos (”I simply do not care for tattoos”), another about Amazon’s Kindle (”I simply do not care for the Kindle”), and, of course, another about Barack Obama’s age (”I simply do not care for the age of Barack Obama”). Basically, all Richard Cohen wants in life is a few twigs to rub together and some of grandma’s licorice stick. All a man really needs. In today’s column he tackles a new devil, that con sarn BlackBerry telephone machine. He simply does not care for Obama’s BlackBerry telephone, especially when there are perfectly good print newspapers out there that perform the exact same functions, and women are also awful. MORE »

This fantastic McCain Campaign fire sale doesn’t just provide gadgets and office supplies on the cheap — you can also buy enough Republican VIP personal information and incriminating emails to run your own failed presidential run! Local teevee station Fox 5 sent somebody over to the Everything Must Go sale, and while most of the good stuff was gone, there were still 10 Blackberry fancy-phones selling for $20 each. The teevee reporter bought as many as she could afford (two?) and raced back to the newsroom. MORE »

Yes, a McCain advisor said that John McCain “helped create” the motherfucking BlackBerry, which is an insult to John McCain, who lost his ability to type or invent small digital devices that have tiny little keys when he was in Vietnam for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN. MORE »

First they came for our jobs. Then they came for our jobs again. They came for our jobs several times after this. But now the Mexicans are coming for our White House BlackBerries. At a meeting of Canadian, Mexican and U.S. officials this week, a Mexican aide “pocketed” several BlackBerries belonging to the U.S. delegation. Two questions: (1) How did this aide illegally get into the country in the first place? (2) Why didn’t we elect Mitt Romney to stop this illegal behavior? MORE »

All of Washington is crippled today, and everyone from the lowliest think tank interns to the mightiest Senators are weeping bitter tears of frustration: it’s the day the BlackBerrys went silent. MORE »

From yet another piece on CrackBerry addiction (new angle: it makes you a bad parent!) comes this bit of famous family fun: MORE »

* Newly crowned Miss Virginia lives in Arlington. Judges praised her “full set of teeth,” putting her far ahead of the other contestants. [Metroblogging DC] MORE »

This is a lesson in why a) politicans shouldn’t carry Blackberries when angry/drunk, b) politicians shouldn’t have the email address of journalists programmed into said Blackberries, or c) politicians should be better at hiding their massive corruption. Bob Ney, drunk dialer:

In two rambling e-mails sent from his Blackberry device to Copley News Service reporter Paul Krawzak, the Republican congressman from Ohio ridiculed the veteran reporter, challenging his ethics and mocking the 5-foot-7-inch Krawzak as “big man.”

Ok, we’d really like to get our hands on the full emails. We must say we admire Ney for not handing off his manhood-questioning to a subordinate. That’s dedication to his constituents. More excerpts from his creatively-punctuated and spelled missive, after the jump.

Update: Ney was not drunk. Response from his office, also after the jump.

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