Tag Archives: black president

  speed walking the yucatan peninsula

Jan Brewer Is Your New Mark Sanford Of Unexplained Weird (Sex?) Trips

Lady Governess Janice Brewer of Arizona has left her state on “official business.” Well, let’s be fair: Grand Dame Brewer has left her state for completely unexplained reasons, during which she failed to certify election results, and will be back Saturday, so shut up. Gov. Jan Brewer has taken a nearly week-long out-of-state work trip that was shrouded in secrecy Monday as she skipped an event to certify election ballots and her spokesman refused to disclose her location. Brewer spokesman Matthew Benson said in a brief email to The Associated Press that Brewer was unavailable to participate in the general election canvass Monday morning because she was out of the state on official business. “That is all I can disclose at this time,” Benson added. Now, you might be reminded of South Carolina Republican lothario Gov. Mark Sanford, who cold boned an Argentinian lady for a while, but pretended he was “hiking the Appalachian Trail” instead when he wanted to leave South Carolina for a while to go have rich sex with her.  Is Jan Brewer going on a sex binge the likes of which Arizona has never seen before?  Read more on Jan Brewer Is Your New Mark Sanford Of Unexplained Weird (Sex?) Trips…
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White Newborns, Mitt Romney Will Speak For You

Hello, babies. This is Mitt Romney’s newest ad. It speaks to the greatest fear of white newborns everywhere: their share of the American debt, coupled with the fear of unemployment in 18-22 years, give or take. (Although why this literal teat-sucker is opposed to becoming a figurative teat-sucker later on, I do not know.) Oh, and Mitt? Unsolicited tip: the lady in the ad should have turned to the camera at the end and said, “And I was raped.” Immediate victory in all elections. After yesterday determining that 47% of America are moochers, we have identified one who is not: this little girl, who possesses no filthy moocher qualities that make her unreachable via political ad. But we must then determine who the moochers are, if not little white babies who are helpless to do anything but not be mistaken for the Hot Cheetos & Takis kids. Read more on White Newborns, Mitt Romney Will Speak For You…