Tag Archives: black people

  Here have some news n stuff

Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People

So brave, so bold
Guess this counts as one of the exciting new Ideas! from the Republican Party. Black people: They’re people too! After meeting with NAACP leaders in Ferguson, Missouri, Sen. Rand Paul told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that the Republicans Party’s biggest mistake in recent decades has been not reaching out to African-American voters. Read more on Rand Paul Bravely Talks To Black People…
  lies damn lies and bill o'reilly

How Many Lies Did Bill O’Reilly Just Put Into His Own On-Air Correction?

So there has been a late August GOP whineathon about how liberals were co-opting noted Republican Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. by pretending he was some sort of liberal like them, when everyone knows Martin Luther King believed in the free market and race-blindness, because Republicans are the real not-racists. Then they were all waah waah waah, why are you being so partisan, black people, by not inviting any of us to celebrate this great Republican, and then they were all, oh, you did invite a whole bunch of us, but we were taking care of the people’s business in Jackson Hole and meeting with the oil industry. (Really, Eric Cantor and John Boehner should have just lied about it. Fox would have run their side of the story, and half the country would believe it to be so.) Then a funny thing happened: Bill O’Reilly corrected himself, on air, and apologized for being wrong in asserting that no Republicans had been invited to speak at the March on Washington OFA rally. And that is when a monkey flew out of our butt! Read more on How Many Lies Did Bill O’Reilly Just Put Into His Own On-Air Correction?…
  randsplaining

What Was Your Favorite Part Of Rand Paul’s ‘History Of Democrat Racism’ At Historically Black Howard University?

Today, Senator Rand Paul liked himself a lot when he was either “brave” or “crazy” enough to venture into the Heart of Blackness that is historically black Howard University and lay down some TRUTH like that Republicans have always loved civil rights and more TRUTH like that he has always been in favor of the Civil Rights Act. He said some funny jokes too, like that there might be some Democrats in the room. That was funny, Rand Paul! Good for you! But what did you, the Wonkadoodles, like best about his speech? Read more on What Was Your Favorite Part Of Rand Paul’s ‘History Of Democrat Racism’ At Historically Black Howard University?…
  nothing a few thousand guns can't fix

Genius Gun Guy Wishes Django Unchained Were Real

Welcome to Wonkette. Whether you’re just joining us or are a long-time fan, you’re probably noticing that we have to cover gun violence and general gun stupidity ALL THE TIME NOW. So that’s fun. Actually, that is not fun. It is skull-crushingly depressing. We explained this to our Editrix and she agreed, noting that it is for precisely that reason that yr Wonkette (sans Editrix) must write these pieces instead of her. So, with heavy heart and dragging feet, we bring you today’s bit of gun stupidity, which is really pretty breathtaking: When confronted with the fact that Gun Appreciation Day coincides with the celebration of civil rights icon Martin Luther King, Jr, who was assassinated with a gun, Ward insisted that his event “honors the legacy of Dr. King.” Ward didn’t stop there; he argued that if African slaves had been armed, they would have been able to prevent slavery from ever happening: Read more on Genius Gun Guy Wishes Django Unchained Were Real…
  jive turkeys

Intrepid Reporter Matthew Boyle To Write About Thuggy Black People For Ghost Andrew Breitbart

The first time we came across the work of cub reporter Matthew Boyle, he was calling for Minority Report precogs to watch over the DC Metro (Tube?) and possibly secretly installing Nannycams in Foggy Bottom Starbucks restrooms. But our rising star went on to make quite a name for himself, reporting the shit out of stories like “Michelle Obama Was Black At Harvard,” “Barack Obama Is A New Black Panther,” “WHAT, The DNC Is Registering Black People To Vote???” and the unexpected twist in his oeuvre (because it was not about black people) “Hey Look, This Jew Is A Communist.” And now our little Matthew is all growed up and leaving Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller (did he get fired, or hired away? There is simply no way to ever know) for the big leagues of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Boo-Riffic Night-Time Halloween Haunt. Read more on Intrepid Reporter Matthew Boyle To Write About Thuggy Black People For Ghost Andrew Breitbart…
  rubbers and rubber checks

Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself

Hmmm, it looks like your Wonkette didn’t bother to write even the littlest thing about two-time-Senate-loser and Wrasslin’ Lady Linda McMahon this time around, probably because we had used up all our folding-chair jokes the first time around, and also probably because we didn’t care. But in fact, it is AFTER her (second) loss that Linda McMahon has become interesting! And how has she done that? Well, once she’d blown $100 million of her own money on her two (losing) campaigns, it seems she didn’t have enough left over to pay the uniformly low-income and African American folks who had been her (low-wage) fake-supporters, so they just waited and waited. But then they told the press “hey this rich lady isn’t bothering to pay us!” So THEN they got checks with a condom in the envelope, so’s they could fuck themselves! AND THEN THE CHECKS BOUNCED ANYWAY. Oh man. Read more on Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself…
  i'm not racist you're the one who's racist

Maine GOP Chair: I See Black People

DId you know only about 1 percent of Mainers are of the African American variety of American? Did you know that adds up (every little bit counts!) to about 15,000 or so black Mainers? Well Maine GOP chair Charlie Webster apparently did not know that, because, as he told NBC, a whole bunch of black people showed up to vote on Election Day — dozens and dozens of them! — but Charlie Webster and his friends don’t know anyone who’s black! He’s not saying they vote frauded Maine … he is just sayin’. Read more on Maine GOP Chair: I See Black People…
  buh-bye

Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the GOP. Had he himself not shit the bed? Was he not the master of his own destiny? How come nobody was blaming him for the Republican Party smashing itself to pieces? Well, the Tea Party was, but did they even count, with their manmade, unbreathable fabrics and their slipcovered couches? No, for Mitt Romney to be blamed properly, it must be by the Elite, not the anti-government warriors scraping by month to month on their disability checks. Read more on Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him…
  some of their best friends own black people

Exciting New Ohio Ad: Republicans Are The Ones Who Love You, Black Dummies!

This ad, playing in Ohio, rests its case! Barack Obama will not bring you wealth and prosperity (except for how he will totally mandate reparations, but shhhh), and Lincoln freed the slaves. That one guy, the one talking before the stock photo couple, he is totally convincing with his Mormonish “revelations.” (Sorry we are reading Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven right now, about the polygamous Mormon fundies, and it is alllll about revelations … to KILL!) Read more on Exciting New Ohio Ad: Republicans Are The Ones Who Love You, Black Dummies!…
  vote early and often

Destroying Democracy Thirty-Five Days Early: Ohio Voting Edition

Who’s got two thumbs and voted yesterday? THIS GUY. Ohio allows early voting (sort of maybe if the Secretary of State allows it?) thirty-five days before the election. Because I am a shameless political hack, I knew exactly who I was voting for when the 2012 presidential race began in 2009. (Mitt Romney, obviously.) I voted in Dayton, which Lewis Black once called “Detroit’s little brother.” That is unfair, because Detroit is kind of awesome and has Miguel Cabrera, and Dayton is the birthplace of the Incredible Hulk. Well, Bruce Banner; the Hulk was borne out of Banner’s psychological trauma and exposure to a massive dose of gamma radiation, which kind of happened in multiple places but mainly New Mexico. I did not vote in New Mexico. Yet. Read more on Destroying Democracy Thirty-Five Days Early: Ohio Voting Edition…
  new york state of mind

White People Correct: This Black Man Is The Real Racist

Wonkette superoperative Limey Lizzie sends us this lovely snapshot from her Harlem home. His Holiness James David Manning, of ATLAH Church in Harlem, who previously said Gingrich and Romney had black fathers but apparently never addressed the parentage or heritage of one Bob Barr, who is totally passing? — has a message for the black men of Harlem: save the women from their strumpety fate, please. (This has something to do with Obama pimping white women, we are fairly sure.) Read more on White People Correct: This Black Man Is The Real Racist…
  urban americans

Hero Elections Officials in Ohio Save Voting Process From Black People

It is kind of an open secret these days that the GOP is marching ever closer towards becoming a far-right nationalist movement that self-legitimates using Biblical discourse combined with claims to a monopoly on expressions of American authenticity. So we shouldn’t really be too surprised every time a prominent Republican says something overtly racist, in an email, to a member of the press, about voting rights and who should have them and on what schedule. And yet we ARE surprised! We are kind of shocked actually! Not just this time, but every single time! We think this is probably because we are bleeding heart liberals who do not watch Fox News and are thus shielded from what America has become, although we welcome other theories. Anyway, Franklin County (Ohio) Elections Director William Anthony Republican Party chair and elections board member Doug Preisse (sorry, don’t know how we fucked up that one!) is firm on preventing early in-person voting because it is only “fair” and “reasonable” for voting to take place on a schedule that fails to accommodate urban people, by which he means black people, which he is actually kind enough to state outright in an email to a reporter with the Columbus Dispatch: Read more on Hero Elections Officials in Ohio Save Voting Process From Black People…
  imaginary friends

That Joe the Plumber Idiot Has A Black Friend Now

Dung-pile peasant turned right-wing avatar Sam Wurzelbacher, who likes to pretend his name is Joe and also likes to pretend he is a plumber, has a black friend! She’s really likes Sam the Unemployable Guy Who Pretended To Be A Plumber and she’s also a big fan of President Obama. Probably, because she’s a black! That’s what makes her friendship with Sam so remarkable. Sam’s black friend is named “Mother Georgia,” which doesn’t sound like an actual name so much as one of those condescending nicknames white people gave to their African-American nannies in movies featuring Emma Stone. But let’s take Sam, who pretends his name is Joe, at his word that Mother Georgia’s real name is actually Mother Georgia. Read more on That Joe the Plumber Idiot Has A Black Friend Now…
  afflict the comfortable

Politico Writer Points Out Romney’s Caucasophilia, Loses Hunger Games-esque Battle For Dominance

Suckers who downloaded the new Huffington app-magazine-thing hoping for page after page of sideboob were bitterly disappointed to instead find some superlong expose about Politico, America’s number one morning-winning beltway-news-producing destroyer of worlds. The thing was written by Michael Calderon, whom ascended Wonkette deity Ken Layne once called “an actual pleasant human being we’ve actually dealt with on the telephone and in person,” so we’re going to believe that every word of it is true, especially the part about how life inside the Politico’s walled compound is essentially a gruesome, bloody battle to the death, just like in the hit children’s movie The Hunger Games. That sort of pressure may explain why a Politico reporter went a little off script and went on TV and said that Mitt Romney hated black people, or loved white people, which is basically the same thing, right? Read more on Politico Writer Points Out Romney’s Caucasophilia, Loses Hunger Games-esque Battle For Dominance…
  revolution never comes with a warning

Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller Has A New Outrage: Black People Voting

The Daily Caller’s star race baiter, Matthew Boyle, has finally hit it out of the park, you guys. He has found some super nefarious shit: Black people voting, aiyeeeeee! Let’s follow the link together, to the tireless Boyle’s words of peace and wisdom. What’s it say? “Hoodie Rally at Marshall Park at 6 pm today,” Cotham tweeted. “Crowd building, people wearing shirts in honor of Trayvon Martin.” According to Cotham’s Twitter account, “Hoodie Rally” attendees were “registering to vote” on the scene. And … that’s pretty much it? Find out why this is the most terrible thing since Olestra, after the jump! Read more on Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller Has A New Outrage: Black People Voting…