black friday

Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we hose off our browser and serve up a cocktail of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. We’ll start with a seasonal sampling of the War On Christmas, with American Patriarchy Association president […]

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker is one of those Republican thought leaders who’s been saying that his party really needs to do a better job of reaching out to minority voters. That would probably be a lot easier if he didn’t have to keep firing his own aides for saying racist stuff on the social media, […]

For real-time information about the #WarOnChristmas, refer to the Wonkette war Twitter. Ex-PFC Wintergreen was cold. So cold. It seemed so easy to just drift off, but there was fucking Minderbinder screaming in his face, hoisting him over his shoulder, getting him the fuck out of there, man. He could only stare at Milo’s lips, […]

Bleeding heart liberals and latte-drinking East Coast elitists, please do not feel sorry for Walmart workers this Thursday as you enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday and try to think of ways to boycott a store you wouldn’t be caught dead in. You see, even though Walmart workers barely eke out a living on sub-poverty wages, the […]

Walmart workers are threatening to strike on Black Friday and we at Wonkette couldn’t be happier because we are elitist liberals who do not shop at Walmart. But do not worry, Real Americans, you will not lose your Twinkies AND your big box retailer all in one week, because Walmart is NOT GOING TO TAKE […]

Pepper spray was a-spraying, knives were a-stabbing, guns were a-shooting, muggers were a-mugging, punchers were a-punching — it was a “Black Friday” celebration that truly proved if you’re not a part of the worldwide anti-corporate protests, then you’re actually a very stinky part of the problem. But the Gold Medal in Applied Assjerk Consumerism goes […]

America’s least favorite current president, Barack Obama, was nearly murdered in a basketball game today. He got 12 stitches! Apparently his face got in a fight with somebody’s elbow — maybe belonging to that Reggie Love character? — and next thing you know Joe Biden was about this close to nuking Alaska.

WalMart! There is nothing quite like a blood riot in a WalMart to make you want to go anywhere else, even Afghanistan. Enjoy this footage from “Black Friday,” the magic day in America when the citizens don’t even pretend to be human. [YouTube]