Tag Archives: birthers

  more bunk than bunker

WND’s Jerome Corsi Gives Up On Obama’s Birth Certificate, Now Mistrusts Hitler’s Death Certificate

Wingnut’s wingnut Dr. Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., has pretty much had it with this “Barack Obama Birth Certificate” nonsense. That is just SO 2008-2013. Now he’s onto a fresh new thing: Hitler. Oh sure, you may scoff — Hitler died nearly 70 years ago, after all! But “Hitler Escaped” stories are the little black dress of conspiracy theories — so basic, so simple, yet endlessly variable, and always timely. Let’s see how Dr. Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., fills out this sexy little number. Read more on WND’s Jerome Corsi Gives Up On Obama’s Birth Certificate, Now Mistrusts Hitler’s Death Certificate…
  take off from the great white north

As God Is His Witness, Ted Cruz Will Never Be Canadian Again

It certainly took bloody long enough, but Sen. Ted “100% Americanlike” Cruz (R-Poutine) is finally taking action to formally renounce his Canadian citizenship, which was conferred on him at birth by virtue of being born at the top of the CN Tower in beautiful downtown Calgary, in the province of Algeria. He confirmed in an interview with the Dallas Morning News this weekend that he has hired attorneys to help him with the process, which surprisingly involves more than simply saying “I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee” and throwing dog poop on a picture of the Queen. Who knew? So God willing and the creek don’t rise he will be Canadian-free by the end of 2014, and can then become President in 2016 just like his daddy and the Lord said he would. Read more on As God Is His Witness, Ted Cruz Will Never Be Canadian Again…
  through the looking glass...again

Obama Killing All Birth Certificate Cover-Up Related Witnesses In Desperate Attempt To Distract From Obamacare

What with all the other craziness that has gone on in Washington this fall, it only makes sense that Our Great Leader and Guiding Star of the Heavens Barack Obama would choose this moment to start quietly knocking off all the people involved in covering up the provenance of his obviously forged long-form birth certificate. Unless he is knocking off these people to distract from Obamacare, in which case, well played, El Jefe! Either way, INPEACH!! The murderous Thug-In-Chief apparently put the touch on one Loretta Fuddy, the state health director for Hawaii. Fuddy was the official who in April 2011 verified the authenticity of copies of President Obama’s birth certificate, which he then released to the public in a desperate attempt to derail the dogged investigations of super-sleuths like Orly Taitz and noted hairball Donald Trump. Fuddy was killed yesterday when the single-engine Cessna in which she was riding went down off the island of Molokai due to what the pilot described as “catastrophic engine failure.” Which is exactly what Obama would want us to think! Read more on Obama Killing All Birth Certificate Cover-Up Related Witnesses In Desperate Attempt To Distract From Obamacare…
  schism in the wingnutoverse

Ted Cruz Birther Too Stupid Even For Erick Erickson’s RedState

Ted Cruz birther David Farrar has a sad, guys. He’s been kicked off wingnut website Redstate.com, presumably because Erick Erickson is a fascist who can’t stand to have the ugly truth about Ted Cruz exposed: Ted Cruz was born at center ice of a hockey rink in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, while his mother ate poutine and his father sang “Babalu.” But will Erick the Red Sympathizer allow the Constitutional ramifications of these indisputable facts to be discussed? No, he will not. This is tyranny, ladies and gentlemen, nothing short of tyranny. Or it’s editorial judgment. We’re always mixing those up. Read more on Ted Cruz Birther Too Stupid Even For Erick Erickson’s RedState…
  you're talking a lot but you're not saying anything

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Our Aggression Against Golf Will Not Stand, Man

Time for another trip to the ol’ comment queue! Today, we begin with a reader who has had just about enough of Yr. Wonkette’s socialist notion that a million dollars after taxes is adequate compensation for a week’s work of hitting a ball with a stick. Our unfair attack on Phil Mickelson drew this comment from reader “dirtydimples” (haha, we get that — it is a golf joke!): This site is filled with some mean socialists, full of envy, I guess. Phil Mickelson give more to charity in one year than you clowns can gather in a lifetime, collectively, so put a sock in it, you pathetic losers. Get a job! That is awfully nice of Mr. Mickelson! We bet he gets a handsome tax deduction for those donations, too! We would also point out that taxation and charity are two completely different things, and that Phil Mickelson should find another brand of golf ball than the Entitleist that he’s been playing. (See, even commies can make the golf jokes!) Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Our Aggression Against Golf Will Not Stand, Man…
  Hoser of the Year

Why I, United States Senator Ted Cruz, Don’t Want to Be Canadian Anymore

“Senator Ted Cruz, who recently discovered that he is likely a Canadian, must win security clearance from Canada’s spy agency, fill in a four-page form and then wait up to eight months to sever his ties to America’s northern neighbor…. “A person giving up citizenship must be Canadian, prove they are or will become a citizen of another country, not live in Canada and not be a security threat. They must also explain in writing why they don’t want to be a Canadian any more.” –Reuters, 8/20/2013 Dear Prime Minister Stephen Harper: I hereby renounce my citizenship in the nation of Canada. While I do not recognize the authority of Canada’s government, I understand you require me to explain my reasons for wanting to sever ties to your so-called country. Frankly, it is Canadians who ought to explain why they want to continue being citizens. But I will humor you, if only for your own edification. Read more on Why I, United States Senator Ted Cruz, Don’t Want to Be Canadian Anymore…
  today we are all backbiting little tone-policing finks

Deleted Comments of The Day: Birthers, Purity Trolls, And More!

As the custodian of the comments queue, Yr Doktor Zoom sometimes gets a bit jaded — another day, another bunch of lines from rightwing bumper stickers. Today, though, we came in for withering butthurt from a reader who wants us to know that Wonkette’s piece on the detention of Glenn Greenwald’s partner was very, very disappointing. We’re not entirely certain whether HTML-savvy commenter “andnbsp” is replying to another comment, or to the article as a whole, though we think it’s probably the latter: Being a backbiting little tone-policing fink is actually excellent liberalism, so I can’t, in good conscience, sneer at you for that. I reserve the right to sneer at you for being a terrible leftist, though, if you have ever considered that part of your political identity. We have been put in our place. And “andnbsp” is free to return to theirs, which most likely is firedoglake. Read more on Deleted Comments of The Day: Birthers, Purity Trolls, And More!…
  the snowbacks are taking our jerbs

Donald Trump, Other Birthers Totally Peachy With Canadian Anchor Baby Ted Cruz To President Us

You might think that after all the foofaraw and fuck-tussling over the birth certificate of Barack Hussein Obama, there’s no way in hell that the birther crowd would ever support a candidate who was indisputably born in a totally different country that is not the U.S.A., right? Don’t be silly. Birthers are coming forward to say they just can’t get enough of Ted Cruz, who was born in Calgary, British Columbia Alberta, Canada  [Doktor Zoom sucks at geography. This would worry him if “Canada” were a real country] — even though there are like three different countries named right there. But birthers are saying, nahh, man, it’s OK, because even though his father was a Cuban citizen, his mom was an American citizen, so it’s cool, he’s totes American. It’s a totally different case from that of the Kenyan Usurper, whose father was Kenyan and whose mother was an American citizen, because Ted Cruz never lived in Indonesia or ate a dog or something argle bargle beagle. Read more on Donald Trump, Other Birthers Totally Peachy With Canadian Anchor Baby Ted Cruz To President Us…
  markwayne's worldwayne

Up-And-Coming Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin Vs. The Birther Princess & The Physically Fit Poors

On the one hand, Oklahoma congresscritter Markwayne “Not a typo” Mullin doesn’t have a lot of patience for this self-described “Birther Princess” who keeps trying to hand him Joe Arpaio’s absolutely conclusive Birther Holy Grail. In fact, at one point (1:08), he even says, “Honestly, I don’t even give a shit.” We’d really like to applaud him for that. On the other hand, he doesn’t think the Birther Princess is wrong, just that continuing to talk about the birth certificate is bad tactics: “…we lost that argument November 6. We had 4 years to get that proven and we didn’t, we reelected him, so that’s a dead issue.” Mullin even takes the opportunity to announce that he’s a birther too — “I believe what you’re saying,” he adds (2:55). But by then, it’s too late for solidarity, and the poor spurned dissident stomps out of the meeting, muttering, “But he’s not a real President!” A sympathetic member of the audience posted the video to YouTube, complete with a Fox-News-inspired identification of Mullin’s party as “D” (there are no “D’s” in the Oklahoma delegation). Read more on Up-And-Coming Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin Vs. The Birther Princess & The Physically Fit Poors…
  a challenger appears!

Alabama Birthers Very Excited: State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore Will Make Obama Just Go Away

Big news, everyone! No, not this stupid WND story about an attempt to appeal a birther lawsuit to the Alabama Supreme Court — that’s not especially surprising, and as always, birthers can go drink a dick. The really big news is that birthers have finally Frank Luntzed their branding: apparently the preferred nomenclature is now “Obama eligibility challengers,” dude. Read more on Alabama Birthers Very Excited: State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore Will Make Obama Just Go Away…
  damages

Hero Judge Teabags Birther To Tune Of $177 Large

Brooklyn judge Arthur Schack pulled out his punking thesaurus the other day to slap down birther Christopher Earl Strunk’s latest frivolous lawsuit (of around 20), which claims that your Barry Soetoro is not eligible to run for preznet. In a written order, Schack went all Gabe Kotter on Strunk, saying that his 2011 suit was “fanciful, delusional and irrational,” and that Strunk’s sister was so low that she plays handball on the curb (probably). Lest Strunk miss the point of this dozening and think about suit No. 21, Schack also charged him $167,000 for opposing attorney’s fees, and fined him $10k, for larfs. Read more on Hero Judge Teabags Birther To Tune Of $177 Large…
  chickens coming home to roost

Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya

Rapid City, SD, Councilman Bill Clayton seems like a swell fella! After all, it only took him five months to apologize to a black reporter for telling her she should be deported to Kenya. And anyway, he did not even know she was black, so he is obviously not racist. Here is something weird, though! The Rapid City Journal characterized his comments as “racist.” Like a million times! What kind of libtards are wrecking the media in South Dakota, that they just SAY something is racist even when a city councilman denies it? We think we have found someone else for WND to execute for treason, next time Free Speech Week rolls around! But let us hear more about Clayton’s scarequote “racist” unscarequote comments! And also the time he kind of sort of maybe threatened the life of a fellow councilmember! (Don’t worry, it was probably just surveyor’s marks.) Read more on Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya…
  this is how you step up your game

Birther Queen Orly Taitz Explains to Judge: She Is Pretty Much Thurgood Marshall, Yo

Help! We are having trouble keeping track of all the crazy shit that weird melted plastic creature lawyer Orly Taitz has done. We need some sort of Orly Taitz tracker, or day planner, or iPhone app. Just last month, she lawsplained to us all that if a judge won’t force a private college to reveal The One’s transcripts, we are all living in Nazi Germany. Six months before that, she ran for Senate in California and released an amazing clip art YouTube horrorshow of a campaign video. She has filed lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit (oh, for fuck’s sake, use the Google. We’re not going to embed that many hotlinks back to Wonkette) with levels of insane ranging from epic to batshit. And the hits just keep on coming: Read more on Birther Queen Orly Taitz Explains to Judge: She Is Pretty Much Thurgood Marshall, Yo…
  Like Gatsby Except Stupid Boorish and Mean

2012: Year Of The Short-Fingered Vulgarian

We will confess it, Wonkers, Yr. Doktor Zoom is only doing this post in the hopes that he too may join the elect group of Wonkette writers who have managed to piss off diapered homunculus Donald Trump enough that he yelled incoherent cusses at them on Twitter. (That, and the huge bucket of Wonkette Ameros we get for each and every post.) And so, let us briefly review the Year In Trump, the Yoogest, classiest year ever! Read more on 2012: Year Of The Short-Fingered Vulgarian…
  dismissed with prejudice

Birther Lawyer Orly Taitz Does Not Seem To Be Very Good At ‘Law’

Well, it has happened AGAIN! Some treason-loving judge has decided that an Orly Taitz Lawsuit Special did not seem to have any basis in “law” or “evidence,” and would not let the realtor/dentist/lawyer/X-Files Fluke-Man compel Occidental College to release President Afrika Bambaataa’s college records even though Ms. Taitz explained to Occidental’s general counsel that if he did not comply, “Your opposition will constitute Obstruction of Justice, Aiding and Abetting in the elections fraud in forgery and treason in allowing a foreign citizen to usurp the U.S. Presidency with an aid of forged IDs and usurp the civil rights of the U.S. citizens,” she wrote. “At any rate your opposition and your attempt of intimidation and your allegiance or lack of allegiance to the United States of America is duly noted. Just make sure not to forget to bring with you Mr. Obama’s application, registration, and financial aid application.” Read more on Birther Lawyer Orly Taitz Does Not Seem To Be Very Good At ‘Law’…
  brave sir donald ran away

GOP Superhero Donald Trump Calls For Revolution, Changes Mind

You saw it happen, folks. You sat on your big butt and you watched Barack Obama, who was not born in America, steal the election — again — so that he can ruin the country and impose sharia law. He had four years to impose his evil Muslim ways, and he didn’t, but that’s not evidence of ANYTHING, and we are still in grave danger. Thank goodness a brave, brave patriot like Donald Trump is around to point us in the right direction, by bravely tweeting that we should have a “revolution!” and then bravely deleting those tweets. Read more on GOP Superhero Donald Trump Calls For Revolution, Changes Mind…