Tag Archives: birthers

  today we are all backbiting little tone-policing finks

Deleted Comments of The Day: Birthers, Purity Trolls, And More!

As the custodian of the comments queue, Yr Doktor Zoom sometimes gets a bit jaded — another day, another bunch of lines from rightwing bumper stickers. Today, though, we came in for withering butthurt from a reader who wants us to know that Wonkette’s piece on the detention of Glenn Greenwald’s partner was very, very disappointing. We’re not entirely certain whether HTML-savvy commenter “andnbsp” is replying to another comment, or to the article as a whole, though we think it’s probably the latter: Being a backbiting little tone-policing fink is actually excellent liberalism, so I can’t, in good conscience, sneer at you for that. I reserve the right to sneer at you for being a terrible leftist, though, if you have ever considered that part of your political identity. We have been put in our place. And “andnbsp” is free to return to theirs, which most likely is firedoglake. Read more on Deleted Comments of The Day: Birthers, Purity Trolls, And More!…
  the snowbacks are taking our jerbs

Donald Trump, Other Birthers Totally Peachy With Canadian Anchor Baby Ted Cruz To President Us

You might think that after all the foofaraw and fuck-tussling over the birth certificate of Barack Hussein Obama, there’s no way in hell that the birther crowd would ever support a candidate who was indisputably born in a totally different country that is not the U.S.A., right? Don’t be silly. Birthers are coming forward to say they just can’t get enough of Ted Cruz, who was born in Calgary, British Columbia Alberta, Canada  [Doktor Zoom sucks at geography. This would worry him if “Canada” were a real country] — even though there are like three different countries named right there. But birthers are saying, nahh, man, it’s OK, because even though his father was a Cuban citizen, his mom was an American citizen, so it’s cool, he’s totes American. It’s a totally different case from that of the Kenyan Usurper, whose father was Kenyan and whose mother was an American citizen, because Ted Cruz never lived in Indonesia or ate a dog or something argle bargle beagle. Read more on Donald Trump, Other Birthers Totally Peachy With Canadian Anchor Baby Ted Cruz To President Us…
  markwayne's worldwayne

Up-And-Coming Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin Vs. The Birther Princess & The Physically Fit Poors

On the one hand, Oklahoma congresscritter Markwayne “Not a typo” Mullin doesn’t have a lot of patience for this self-described “Birther Princess” who keeps trying to hand him Joe Arpaio’s absolutely conclusive Birther Holy Grail. In fact, at one point (1:08), he even says, “Honestly, I don’t even give a shit.” We’d really like to applaud him for that. On the other hand, he doesn’t think the Birther Princess is wrong, just that continuing to talk about the birth certificate is bad tactics: “…we lost that argument November 6. We had 4 years to get that proven and we didn’t, we reelected him, so that’s a dead issue.” Mullin even takes the opportunity to announce that he’s a birther too — “I believe what you’re saying,” he adds (2:55). But by then, it’s too late for solidarity, and the poor spurned dissident stomps out of the meeting, muttering, “But he’s not a real President!” A sympathetic member of the audience posted the video to YouTube, complete with a Fox-News-inspired identification of Mullin’s party as “D” (there are no “D’s” in the Oklahoma delegation). Read more on Up-And-Coming Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin Vs. The Birther Princess & The Physically Fit Poors…
  a challenger appears!

Alabama Birthers Very Excited: State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore Will Make Obama Just Go Away

Big news, everyone! No, not this stupid WND story about an attempt to appeal a birther lawsuit to the Alabama Supreme Court — that’s not especially surprising, and as always, birthers can go drink a dick. The really big news is that birthers have finally Frank Luntzed their branding: apparently the preferred nomenclature is now “Obama eligibility challengers,” dude. Read more on Alabama Birthers Very Excited: State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore Will Make Obama Just Go Away…
  damages

Hero Judge Teabags Birther To Tune Of $177 Large

Brooklyn judge Arthur Schack pulled out his punking thesaurus the other day to slap down birther Christopher Earl Strunk’s latest frivolous lawsuit (of around 20), which claims that your Barry Soetoro is not eligible to run for preznet. In a written order, Schack went all Gabe Kotter on Strunk, saying that his 2011 suit was “fanciful, delusional and irrational,” and that Strunk’s sister was so low that she plays handball on the curb (probably). Lest Strunk miss the point of this dozening and think about suit No. 21, Schack also charged him $167,000 for opposing attorney’s fees, and fined him $10k, for larfs. Read more on Hero Judge Teabags Birther To Tune Of $177 Large…
  chickens coming home to roost

Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya

Rapid City, SD, Councilman Bill Clayton seems like a swell fella! After all, it only took him five months to apologize to a black reporter for telling her she should be deported to Kenya. And anyway, he did not even know she was black, so he is obviously not racist. Here is something weird, though! The Rapid City Journal characterized his comments as “racist.” Like a million times! What kind of libtards are wrecking the media in South Dakota, that they just SAY something is racist even when a city councilman denies it? We think we have found someone else for WND to execute for treason, next time Free Speech Week rolls around! But let us hear more about Clayton’s scarequote “racist” unscarequote comments! And also the time he kind of sort of maybe threatened the life of a fellow councilmember! (Don’t worry, it was probably just surveyor’s marks.) Read more on Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya…
  this is how you step up your game

Birther Queen Orly Taitz Explains to Judge: She Is Pretty Much Thurgood Marshall, Yo

Help! We are having trouble keeping track of all the crazy shit that weird melted plastic creature lawyer Orly Taitz has done. We need some sort of Orly Taitz tracker, or day planner, or iPhone app. Just last month, she lawsplained to us all that if a judge won’t force a private college to reveal The One’s transcripts, we are all living in Nazi Germany. Six months before that, she ran for Senate in California and released an amazing clip art YouTube horrorshow of a campaign video. She has filed lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit (oh, for fuck’s sake, use the Google. We’re not going to embed that many hotlinks back to Wonkette) with levels of insane ranging from epic to batshit. And the hits just keep on coming: Read more on Birther Queen Orly Taitz Explains to Judge: She Is Pretty Much Thurgood Marshall, Yo…
  Like Gatsby Except Stupid Boorish and Mean

2012: Year Of The Short-Fingered Vulgarian

We will confess it, Wonkers, Yr. Doktor Zoom is only doing this post in the hopes that he too may join the elect group of Wonkette writers who have managed to piss off diapered homunculus Donald Trump enough that he yelled incoherent cusses at them on Twitter. (That, and the huge bucket of Wonkette Ameros we get for each and every post.) And so, let us briefly review the Year In Trump, the Yoogest, classiest year ever! Read more on 2012: Year Of The Short-Fingered Vulgarian…
  dismissed with prejudice

Birther Lawyer Orly Taitz Does Not Seem To Be Very Good At ‘Law’

Well, it has happened AGAIN! Some treason-loving judge has decided that an Orly Taitz Lawsuit Special did not seem to have any basis in “law” or “evidence,” and would not let the realtor/dentist/lawyer/X-Files Fluke-Man compel Occidental College to release President Afrika Bambaataa’s college records even though Ms. Taitz explained to Occidental’s general counsel that if he did not comply, “Your opposition will constitute Obstruction of Justice, Aiding and Abetting in the elections fraud in forgery and treason in allowing a foreign citizen to usurp the U.S. Presidency with an aid of forged IDs and usurp the civil rights of the U.S. citizens,” she wrote. “At any rate your opposition and your attempt of intimidation and your allegiance or lack of allegiance to the United States of America is duly noted. Just make sure not to forget to bring with you Mr. Obama’s application, registration, and financial aid application.” Read more on Birther Lawyer Orly Taitz Does Not Seem To Be Very Good At ‘Law’…
  brave sir donald ran away

GOP Superhero Donald Trump Calls For Revolution, Changes Mind

You saw it happen, folks. You sat on your big butt and you watched Barack Obama, who was not born in America, steal the election — again — so that he can ruin the country and impose sharia law. He had four years to impose his evil Muslim ways, and he didn’t, but that’s not evidence of ANYTHING, and we are still in grave danger. Thank goodness a brave, brave patriot like Donald Trump is around to point us in the right direction, by bravely tweeting that we should have a “revolution!” and then bravely deleting those tweets. Read more on GOP Superhero Donald Trump Calls For Revolution, Changes Mind…
  A small victory for America

Joe Arpaio Cancels Birtherpalooza Festival When No One Buys Tickets

Useless old spite bitch Joe Arpaio was planning a big smelly Birtherfest for September 22, but now it looks like instead of hanging out with Pat Boone (who is still alive, apparently?) and heroic order-disobeying Army doctor Terry Lakin, he will just have to spend the day doing his job as Maricopa County Sheriff instead, because the event was cancelled due to abysmal ticket sales. Read more on Joe Arpaio Cancels Birtherpalooza Festival When No One Buys Tickets…
  obama's real father is tan karl marx

Known Crazy Victoria Jackson Films Hilarious… Well, She Films Something

Victoria Jackson, so wacko she has her own Wonkette tag, is entering, we think, year twenty of post-SNL unemployment. To commemorate this, she has taken to interviewing random street people on her Nikon Coolpix and, we presume, going home to edit it and upload it to her YouTube channel that has literally singles of views. The first video is up top. It is truly something when a barrel-chested faux-superhero who vaguely declares his superpower is “helping people” is so clearly the sanest person in a conversation that you find yourself wondering if he’s free for Quiznos later this week and maybe starting up a part-time drywall business. Read more on Known Crazy Victoria Jackson Films Hilarious… Well, She Films Something…
  We forgot to say "between the sheets!"

Psychic Wonkette Post Foresaw Hero Journalist Jerome Corsi’s Next Move: Gaybama!

What do we know about this “Barack Hussein Obama” person anyway? Beyond the obvious stuff, of course, like the fact that he is the son of Malcolm X, was a spy in Pakistan, and astrally projected to Mars, we mean. But how is it possible, in today’s modern media-saturated world of iPhones and 24-hour news and Interocitors, that we can know so little about the man who was (allegedly) elected president in 2008? Even now, as he seeks re-election, many people openly say he is an enigma. Thankfully, a small corps of hero citizen-journalists are determined to find out the details of this mystery-man’s life, especially his college years, because as we all know, youth is when all the truly scandalous stuff emerges, like how Richard Nixon was so besotted with Thelma Catherine “Pat” Ryan that he would drive her to and from dates with other men (science fact! look it up!), a youthful quirk that clearly prefigured the secret bombing campaign in Cambodia. As you may recall, Your Wonkette recently tackled the thorny question of young Barack Obama’s mysterious ring, which super-smart citizen-investigator Dr. Jerome Corsi, PhD, has pointed out, he wore even though he was not married!!! Rejecting the obvious explanation, which is that young Barry was simply so super-sexxxay that he needed something to hold the ladies at bay (or maybe he just liked wearing a ring, which is, we know, a stretch), we decided it might be amusing to play off Corsi’s nuttiness in a True Confessions first-person piece, from the perspective of Barry’s secret first wife, and then, for the lulz, to make it a secret first ghey wife, who he married in Pakistan during his spy mission. Loyal Wonketteers, we are pleased to announce that we are psychic. Read more on Psychic Wonkette Post Foresaw Hero Journalist Jerome Corsi’s Next Move: Gaybama!…
  the sheriff always gets his man

Joe Arpaio Proves Beyond Reasonable Doubt: Barack Obama Was Never Born

We can’t believe we forgot to watch the “live stream” of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s press conference — which wasn’t on the teevee because of how the media is colluding to protect the illegal alien “president” — and he has some news! In fact, Arpaio’s “posse” of investigators into the national security threat (true quote!) that is B. Hussein are so good at their jobs, they even found the 95-year-old former state employee who signed Bamz’s birth certificate in the first place! But wait! If they found the employee who signed it coming up on 51 years ago, wouldn’t that mean it hadn’t been forged? Oh you sweet, simple thing. No. You see, “It’s the codes.” Read more on Joe Arpaio Proves Beyond Reasonable Doubt: Barack Obama Was Never Born…
  one born every minute

Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes

This is so interesting! Birther/Obama-suer/Taitz-feuder-wither Gary Kreep, currently ahead in a race for a San Diego judgeship by like 1000 votes over the even more unfortunately named Garland Peed, is outspoken in the belief that President Barack Obama is a moon alien (duh), abortion must be prosecuted, and icky homosexuals do not deserve the same civil rights as the rest of us. He is also the head of lots and lots of wacky rightwing foundations. Enjoy him, San Diego! Also to enjoy? Eagle-eyed Wonkette operative Steverino247 sends along these fun financial disclosure forms showing he is taking said foundations for everything they’ve got! Read more on Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes…
  judicial restraints

Birther ‘Gary Kreep’ Actually More Fortunately Named Than California Judgeship Opponent

There are still so many absentee ballots left to count in birther Gary Kreep’s race for a San Diego judgeship, and he and his opponent are 56 votes apart. Kreep, seen in the video above exhibiting the kind of impartiality and fairness and logic and sense which Californians so esteem in their jurists, is well schooled in law and courtrooms as he has been suing Barack Obama for eternity for his many crimes against humanity (being blah) while simultaneously Hatfield and McCoying with the woman whose skull is a hummingbird graveyard, one birther/lawyer/dentist/real estate agent/cosmetologist Ms. Frau Doktor Orly Taitz. But in what other ways is Gary Kreep super-duper-unbiased and shit? So very many ways. Read more on Birther ‘Gary Kreep’ Actually More Fortunately Named Than California Judgeship Opponent…
  the grand canyon state of nature

Let’s Classify This AZ Secretary of State’s Birther Email Demands As ‘Comedy Gold’

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett has been in hot pursuit of extra-double email verification from the Hawaii government of Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Bennett made a pledge to the state’s voters — no extra-double email verification, no Obama on the ballot. What’s the big deal, haters? He’s only seeking this unique extra verification because serious, trustworthy sages such as Jerome Corsi and Joe Arpaio and his 1,200 worst constituents told him it was necessary. It is his duty, to get the birth certificate. Again. For just Obama. It is not pandering, he promises. (Sadly for him, the only other explanation besides pandering would be that he’s a genuine warm-blooded idiot.) Now who wants to read his emails with Hawaii officials where he can’t offer them a valid statutory need for his request and so turns to whining instead? Oh, please let this play out for a while, please please please! Read more on Let’s Classify This AZ Secretary of State’s Birther Email Demands As ‘Comedy Gold’…
  john mccain will fix this

Obama May Not Make The Arizona Ballot For Usual Stupid Arizona Reasons

Your Wonkette is going to write a fun sentence and it is going to be true. Arizona’s Secretary of State has threatened not to put President of the United States of America Barack Obama on the ballot this fall because (a) he had a persuasive chit-chat with World Net Daily arch-grifter Jerome Corsi and (b) “he got more than 1,200 emails” demanding he look into the president’s birth certificate after Joe Arpaio’s “investigation” came out. This is the current power system in Arizona, folks. This is how things are done now. We’re tempted to declare the devolution complete and finally throw that big State of Nature parade in the blood-soaked hellscape streets of outer Phoenix, but maybe it’s too soon. They’ll do something dumber, eventually. They always do. Christ, Arizona. Stop hitting yourself. Read more on Obama May Not Make The Arizona Ballot For Usual Stupid Arizona Reasons…
  boooooooo

You Don’t Gotta Tell Joe Arpaio About (Debunked) Literary Agent’s ‘Kenya’ Brochure, He’s Got This

Ghost Andrew Breitbart must be spinning in hell. He told these idiots that the “birther” stuff was “not a winning issue,” and what did these fuckwads at his ghost web empire do? They ran a total birther story with a long embarrassed introduction explaining that they weren’t birthers per se — um, let’s see — it’s about how Obama has portrayed himself differently at different times of his life. Almost as if, when he was a college student, he did not portray himself as president of the United States, and vice versa. It is very fishy how he has done that indeed! But uh oh! Within hours of posting their best VETTENING yet, a PDF of a Bammerz’s publishing company brochure SAYING HE WAS BORN IN KENYA, it turned out that some lady who was an assistant at the literary agency at the time (’91) said it was all her fault, sloppy fact-checking oopsie! An editorial assistant doing sloppy fact-checking? THE FUCK YOU SAY. As a Breitbart follow-up notes, though, Bamz’s erstwhile literary agent requests that you email her a biography you wrote about yourself, as would also obviously have been the case in 1991 as well, when nobody had email. How’d you get to this supposed “assistant,” Nobama? Which of your SEIU thugz did you send over threatening MURDER? Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who was recently sued by the Feds for being too awesome, would like to know! WND (because who else?) has the scoop! Read more on You Don’t Gotta Tell Joe Arpaio About (Debunked) Literary Agent’s ‘Kenya’ Brochure, He’s Got This…
  as usual

Orly Taitz Losing Senate Race, GOP Racism Against White People to Blame

Here is a very important regional political update that you will not want to miss: famous dingbat and U.S. Senate candidate Orly Taitz has been snubbed for the endorsement of the California Republican Assembly. Orly Taitz has considered all the reasons why this might be the case, and Republican racism against white people is the obvious culprit. This mostly irrelevant wingnut endorsement has gone to some guy “Al Ramirez,” see. So let Orly Taitz, speaker of Spanish, go ahead and translate the taco talk for you: “Ramirez” is a Hispanic name. CONSPIRACY. Read more on Orly Taitz Losing Senate Race, GOP Racism Against White People to Blame…
  global warming for sure not for real however

GOP Rep. Hartzler Absolutely Sure She Isn’t Sure That Obama’s Birth Certificate Is Real

Fringe loonball Rep. Vicky Hartzler’s weary spokesman has this report to share with us regarding the minutes of Hartzler’s latest group therapy session with her constituents: “In responding to a constituent’s question regarding the Obama birth certificate, Congresswoman Hartzler confirmed that this issue has been raised by many 4th District citizens with whom she has spoken.” Well, that sounds healing. She confirmed! All these wingnuts needed was a little confirmation, sure. Way to defuse the anger! Unless… eh, let’s just roll the tape: Read more on GOP Rep. Hartzler Absolutely Sure She Isn’t Sure That Obama’s Birth Certificate Is Real…
  geek and destroy

Birther Metal Dude Dave Mustaine: Rick Santorum Would Be ‘A Really Cool President,’ ‘Like JFK’

Hahahahahahahahaha, here is Megadeth’s (and Metallica’s) Dave Mustaine, last relevant when your editrix was a sophomore in high school, being really “hip” and “with-it” and “politically informed.” First: Obama is not an American (duh): Read more on Birther Metal Dude Dave Mustaine: Rick Santorum Would Be ‘A Really Cool President,’ ‘Like JFK’…