Here’s a super hot sex story from an affadavit that this one birther, Lucas Smith, filed in a Birther lawsuit, in which he claims that Orly Taitz asked him to perjure himself. Lucas also tells us about Orly’s affair with some other birther, though, which we thought we’d pass along, to ruin your day. [TPM]

Last time Orly Taitz existed publicly, Judge Clay Land fined her $20,000 for abusing her license to practice law by suing the dickens out of everything, multiple times, because she had Wikipedia’d the word “fascism” that morning. She’s yet to pay the $20,000, but she has attempted to make reparations in the form of procuring like, way more than $20,000 worth of justice. Specifically, she’s offered to commence a lawsuit that will force Barack Obama to admit that he’s actually the President of Kenya. Why will no one let Orly Taitz do this?? MORE »

• A terrifying “flash mob” of ten — five sets of two — Tea Baggers stormed the Capitol and created a new coalition government with three Birthers. [TPM]
• Senate likes Edward Brooke. Senate invites Edward Brooke to fancy ceremony. Senate gives Edward Brooke fancy gold medal. Edward Brooke accepts gold medal from Senate. Edward Brooke poops all over Senate. [The Caucus]
• Why must Matt disrespect Billy Corgan so thoroughly? Some believe in H1H1, some don’t. And some are agnostic. Is that so wrong? [Matt Yglesias]
• Hillary Clinton chanted the famous muslin prayer “Death to America” whilst prostrating herself before the holy shrine of Osama bin Laden. When will it end? [Gateway Pundit]
• NEW MALKIN DIAGRAM! This week: the molecular structure of the Red Menace. [Michelle Malkin]

When we last checked in with Orly Taitz, the Birther movement’s most lifelike paralegal-opthamologist, she was still wandering around Earth, suing the shit out of anything that she stumbled across as she struggled to crawl back to Hell, or possibly some sort of Space Hell. Comical judge Clay Land told her to seriously just stop, because he’s going to fine her $20,000. And this is just what he did! So now, $20,000 later, Orly’s like, “Oh forgive me my ignorance Clay Land, I am not even from this planet and did not realize it’s cool to legislate fascism from the bench.” MORE »

JUDGE CLAY LAND WILL TAKE THAT $20,000, THANKS: Georgia’s “best judge ever,” the dry wit Clay Land, was *not kidding around at all* last month when he put insane Birther lawyer-dentist Orly Taitz on notice for frivolous litigation: “Finally fed up with Orly Taitz’s repeated frivolous and conspiracy-ridden filings in a Birther lawsuit, the judge in the case has fined the crusading attorney $20,000.” That’s more money than there is in the entire economy! [TPM Muckraker via Rumproast]

Everyone very warmly congratulate Jean Schmidt (R-OH), who has bravely and accidentally come out as a Birther. Lo! Observe as Jean Schmidt is accosted by a rabid blond female Birther wearing some kind of decorative traditional headdress of war. “Blah blah NOT dog whistle MY muslin president Hussein sdodfgifjsd states’ rights fake something Gerald Ford something something!” shrieks the Birther to Jean Schmidt, to which the latter replies: “I agree with you, but the courts don’t.” Jean Schmidt is finally embracing the real Jean Schmidt, and so should America. [Glenn Thrush]

Okay, there goes the morning productivity! There’s a new SAVE GLENN BECK petition with, apparently, the same 2,200 Fox News viewers who figured out how to post something from the ‘puter. Go spread the true message of Democracy/Horror, and laugh at the (currently) visible signatures/messages, until this one gets eated, too. [New dumb Glenn Beck poll]

Vile behavior is usually rewarded by Idiot America (see “Michael Vick”), but there is finally some sort of financial penalty for being a repulsive screaming nutbag racist bag of clown shit on a national cable-news station owned by one of the world’s biggest media companies: advertisers flee! MORE »

Joseph Farah, WorldNetDaily’s in-house Zeus, has blown Obama’s secret “real” birth history wide open today, on the conservative radio. He says we should stop referring to the so-called “relatives” of Barack Obama as mother, grandmother, father, wacky uncle, etc., because these people could be anyone. Barack Obama’s mother could be his grandmother! His grandmother could be Saddam Hussein! Saddam Hussein could be Trig! Trig could be (and is) King Tut? MORE »

• If we don’t have the F-22, how are we going to fight China, on the Moon? [RedState]
• From now on, please refer to Matt Yglesias as the Breeding Male. Thank you. [Matt Yglesias]
• First there was Tom Paine, with his annoying pamphlets. And then there was That Guy, who brutalized baby dolls and then hung them from metal chains, on a stick. Patriots. [YouTube/TPM]
• Orly Taitz’s Plan B: Hawaii secedes from the Union, and then Barack Obama is deported for being Hawaiian, aka a dirty foreigner. [Hit & Run]
• If you love the Free Republic as much as the Gays do, click here! [AMERICAblog]

You know who was the very first human on the planet to use humor to serious effect? The 20th-century folk hero Saul Alinsky, inventor of community organizing and father of the Quercus genus of shade trees. Before Alinsky, no one ever thought to mock one’s political foes — and after Alinsky, no one ever did again. MORE »