Wonkette

Listen up, haters: The Moonie Times is not a jingoistic right-wing propaganda sheet. In fact, the almost-25-year-old paper actually HATES AMERICA. By our calendar, the Moonies launched the fringe publication in 1982 — you know, the peak of the Ronald Reagan era in Washington? MORE »

The greatest war ever is four years old today, and that means Bush will say something on the teevee for a few minutes, possibly about how much he loves guacamole.

Begun this liveblogging has …. MORE »

Guess who’s almost old enough to be blown up at an Iraqi kindergarten? That’s right, it’s our little Iraq War — he’s turning four years old this Monday! But we’re going to have the party on Saturday, in a bunker, in hopes that the insurgents and militias and death squads and American media won’t notice. MORE »

While we never forget (TM) 9/11, somehow we forgot Dick Cheney’s birthday yesterday. That’s like remembering Easter but forgetting Christmas, or something. Anyway, everybody feels really bad about this. Would a whimsical online e-card of an elephant kicking another, farting elephant cheer up the world’s greatest U.S. vice president ever? We sure hope so. January 30 is a day that lives in infamy, because of Our Dark Lord’s birth and these other fun & semi-related historical milestones: MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Senate Republicans defy Dick Cheney’s demands, sing “Happy Birthday” to him. Kay Bailey Hutchison missing, presumed dead… Rep. Heather Wilson made shirts that say “I Survived Hurricane Emanuel.” Now Rahm wants one. Oh, the fun they have in Congress. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Miss America judge Chris Mattews asked contestants about Falkner. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Chris Matthews also asked Miss D.C. where Osama bin Laden is. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Weekly Standard uses Al Kamen column mocking them to sell their upcoming cruise… Juan Williams and George W. Bush: BFF. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Barack Obama is freezing out FoxNews after they aired the crazy secret muslim story… Nancy Pelosi returned home from Iraq to find a terrifying raven living in her Georgetown apartment. [WP]

America’s craziest Founding Father was born on this day back in Seventeen Hundred and Six in Boston. Benjamin Franklin loved wine, physics, France, string quartets, vulgarity and all the ladies. He was also a pretty good cartoonist and authored what is remembered as the very first American political cartoon: a chopped-up snake that was somehow supposed to encourage the 13 colonies to get it together against the French colonists and American Indians to the west.

It is safe to say Franklin would’ve been named an Enemy Combatant by the current administration. “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety,” wrote the good doctor in his 1759 Historical Review.

Come learn more weird stuff about America’s Number One celebrity of the mid-eighteenth century, after the jump.

MORE »

On this day 231 years ago, Philadelphia blogger Thomas Paine released version 1.0 of his popular political pamphlet, “Common Sense.” The booklet sold some 500,000 copies at a time when there were only about 5 million colonists (along with 700,000 African slaves and whatever Native Americans hadn’t been killed or run off to French territory at that point).

Read all about the first American bestseller, after the jump.

MORE »

Everybody knows about Richard Nixon’s bizarre 1968 appearance on the faux-hippie slapstick Laugh In show, but only the elderly and deranged know he also beat Bill Clinton to the “late-night talk-show musical performance” routine by three decades. MORE »

As we continue honoring the birth of Richard Milhouse Nixon, let’s take a look at his liberal credentials.

If you only know “Tricky Dick” for his dictatorial presidency that very nearly ended two centuries of American democracy and first elevated amoral criminals such as Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld to the White House, then you’ll surely be surprised by all the stuff we’ve hidden after the jump.

MORE »

Relax, everybody! That stench in the nation’s air is just a natural annual response to the anniversary of Richard Milhouse Nixon’s glorious birth.

RMN was unscrewed from his poor mother’s womb on this day in Nineteen Hundred and Thirteen. Join us after the jump for a fascinating look at this horrible little man who would be known as America’s Worst President if not for the grace of George W. Bush.

MORE »

On this National Day of Celebration (Elvis Presley’s Birthday), let’s remember the most important moment of our greatest president’s administration: when a bloated pop star visited the Oval Office for a half hour.

All the wonderful facts about this most wonderful occasion, after the jump.

MORE »

Way back in 1971, the founding fathers started the Libertarian Party. Let’s raise an invisible hand and salute them by watching at least the first minute or two of this goofy video. MORE »

In a carefully worded report, AP says that if Gerald Ford can make it another 36 hours, he will break Ronald Reagan’s record as the president who lived longest. MORE »