FEED ME: Today is Wonkette editor Jim Newell’s birthday, so give him some money, thank you.

Joe Lieberman turned 80- or 90-something years old today. Hooray. And according to the Twitter, his office held a birthday party under the theme, “I’m self-centered.” Big ol’ floppy titty XXX pictures after the jump! MORE »

Everyone was very unkind to Bo Obama the dog, who celebrated his first birthday ever on October 9th. So Bo Obama was born last October, and then in April Ted Kennedy, not yet dead, bought the dog from a rescue shelter that was actually a reputable dog breeder and just gave him to Barack Obama. Anyway, Mazel Tov Bo Obama, also sorry, etc. but in retrospect it is probably a good thing that everyone was too distracted to offer up some TRULY WINNING bon mots about the President jumping the gun getting you a present for your second birthday. Chew on that—Richard Cohen’s wit—little puppy. [White House Blog]

Former president Bill Clinton gathered together a bunch of his dude friends and celebrated his 63rd birthday in Las Vegas eating steaks cut from the loins of actual angels and topped with a port wine reduction. Guests included rum-soaked popinjay Terry McAuliffe and Steve Bing, that guy who impregnated Liz Hurley once. Clinton’s “real” birthday is August 19. [The Caucus]

Yes, it is Barack Obama’s 48th birthday today — or as he might put it, the ninth anniversary of his 39th birthday, HEY-O! Oh, aging. The point is: SMALL NATIONS, WHAT SHALST THY SACRIFICE? All must give Obama something. Antigua has already set the bar quite high by giving our president his own mountain, the erstwhile Boggy Peak: “Antigua’s highest mountain officially became ‘Mount Obama’ on Tuesday as the small Caribbean nation celebrated the American president on his birthday and saluted him as a symbol of black achievement.” A mere one mountain? INVADE. (Meawhile, your Wonkette will honor Obama by revealing his TRUE BIRTH CERTIFICATE, later. We so have it!) [AP]

O Holy Day, look what just dropped in ye olde “Wonkett” tips box! Cougs is back for more: “Will you follow this link to sign the birthday card? There’s even a special space to leave a personal message of encouragement for John. After you’ve signed the card, I hope you’ll make a generous contribution to John’s reelection campaign, so he can continue his service to our country.” We will do one of these things! MORE »

Today through Saturday, July 26: A squash blossom is an edible flower, and, as all edible flowers deserve specials festivals, Oyamel is hosting one in the squash blossom’s honor. In celebration, there will be small plates featuring the delectable flower for $8-$14. [Squash Blossom Festival, Oyamel] MORE »

George H.W. Bush periodically flings himself out of planes to mark the passing of another depressing half-decade in the twilight years of a disappointed old man whose presidency fell squarely into the “unimpressive” column until his son’s presidency showed us what unimpressive was really all about. What this troubled senior needs is not a squad of toothsome paratroopers to strap on his back, but instead a sympathetic ear to listen — truly listen — to his long litany of regrets, starting with how he should have had George W. Bush excised from his nethers before the unwanted growth had a chance to ruin America. [CNN]

Mark it on your Political Holiday Calendar: on May 18 we celebrate the birthday of the conservative heroine Tina Fey, who played Sarah Palin on a couple of pivotal episodes of Saturday Night Live. After those episodes aired, Republicans could never quite forgive Palin for being less hot than her impersonator. And so Barack Obama became president.

You know what we love more than anything, at Wonkette? Birthdays! Love ‘em love ‘em love ‘em. And there’s nothing better than a sixth birthday. Even better than your fifth birthday! So grown up now, and all blown apart, and god knows how many hundreds of thousands of corpses, and we hanged your fuckin’ dad, ha ha ha. Happy sixth birthday, Iraq War! Weren’t you supposed to be over by now, what with the Hope and all? Maybe when you’re seven-and-a-half, little bitch. Who wants cake? MORE »

MORE THAN EVER should you now regret signing up for Hillary Clinton’s 2007-08 campaign mailing list — which you all did, because you looooove her — because guess who’s hijacked it now? Terry McAuliffe, in his random run for Virginia governor. Curse you Terry! MORE »

We pretty much said all we have to say about this asshole yesterday, so today we’ll remember him in pictures. He loved pictures, Reagan did! Especially the moving kind of pictures, the movies! He actually believed movies — including “E.T., the Extra-Terrestrial” — were real events that just happened to be captured on film. He was a complete idiot. MORE »

Oh check it out, Joe Biden had his little birthday office party today, on his birthday, at Obama’s office tower in Chicago. Joe is 66 years old, and also for his birthday he gets to be vice president, which is a fun thing! (He also has to live in that creepy Observatory and hear the moaning ghosts of Cheney’s victims for the next eight years, but at least he doesn’t have to take the goddamned train for six hours every night back to wherever he lives … Scranton?) MORE »