It is nerd Christmas here at Wonkette, because the incomparable Brian Lamb has read a particularly tawdry headline from our humble site to the subject of that tawdry headline on his book show, “Q&A.” We refer, of course, to “Misogynist Neck-Beard Ross Douthat Shares His Sexy Stories.” MORE »

Citizens are taking extreme measures to ensure that they do not bring children into the stinking heap of decaying credit default swaps and sudden mortgage death that used to be called “America.” They are getting abortions and vasectomies all over the place, constantly, and tying tubes of every sort, even useless ones, like the ones in your ears. What does this mean for our next generation of leaders? They will grow up in uncrowded schools, with plenty to eat, provided they survive the current apocalypse. [Reuters]

Everybody was so excited when what’s his name, Atlantic child wonder Ross Douthat, got Bill Kristol’s spot in the New York Times. We’re still kind of angry about the NYT taking away one of our easiest weekly comedy bits, so no hurrahs from your Wonkette. Also, this Ross Douthat does seem to be that most common of things, a conservative asshole! Let’s take a look at his book, Privilege, and a very unsexy scene on page 184. MORE »

Everybody laughed at liberal S&M fetishist Nancy Pelosi defending the inclusion of family planning programs in the economic stimulus bill, because seriously, who thinks we could possibly improve poor people’s financial situations by helping them have fewer children? Think about it, there is absolutely no correlation between the number of children a lower- to middle-class family has and the amount of disposable income that family has available to spend on goods and services. This is because our decadent social services organizations already reward breeders with blocks of government cheese and other valuable goodies. MORE »

A lot of people think John McCain supports abortion rights and other things many ladies care about, even though he doesn’t support these things. One of those confused people is McCain’s potential lady running-mate Carly Fiorina. On Monday, she said, “There are many health insurance plans that will cover Viagra but won’t cover birth control medication. Those women would like a choice.” But of course John McCain voted twice against legislation that would require insurance companies to cover birth control. Because seriously gals, just keep it in your pants! MORE »

June 7 marks the 43rd anniversary of the best Supreme Court decision ever — even better than the “abortions for all!” one — of Griswold v. Connecticut, which ensured people could have sex all the time and not have to worry about babies. Now the American Life League is launching this hilarious campaign to protest the decision, claiming that The Pill causes you to lose all your babies. That’s the best part though! After the jump, a stupid video they made that is supposed to appeal to the Young Folks. MORE »

Democratic operatives won’t have to bring up John McCain’s age in the upcoming Presidential campaign — because every American alive already knows that the presumptive Republican nominee is impossibly old, in failing health, and so brain-addled that he thinks proper birth control involves sea sponges and liniment. But will all these factors just remind Americans of Ronald Reagan, America’s last demented old President, and lead to a landslide McCain victory in the fall? MORE »

Politico reports this morning that Mike Huckabee accepted $52,000 in speaking fees from research centers that perform all kinds of anti-Jesusery, like embryonic stem cell research and birth control. Now that’s an outrage! I thought he was only supposed to speak to those with whom he agreed. It’s almost like, if he became president, he’d allow citizens who use birth control to be part of the country! [Politico]

Everyone likes the idea of deficit reduction because it’s sort of like paying off the government’s credit card bills. Hell, the Democrats even ran on that platform last year. But, like usual, in attempting to do something about reducing the deficit, the government just fucked more shit up.

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This is Democratic Governor Tim Kaine of Virginia. He would like to cut some spending that studies have shown is useless, see, to help shore up the state’s budget because $275,000 isn’t pocket change. But, the usually fiscally conservative Republicans in the state are throwing a fit. Why? Because the spending is on abstinence-only education.

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Oh look, it’s Folksy Fred Thompson doing a teevee interview and he’s got a little girl on his lap for some reason and OH JESUS CHRIST SHE’S EATING A DIAPHRAGM. Okay, you can stop the clip now — we have no idea what happens after it cuts away from the charming sight of a little girl chewing on her mother’s giant diaphragm. WTF, people, WTF? Is this what happens when all the real toys are covered in Red Chinese poison lead paint?

Fred and Jeri Thompson talk to Sean Hannity [YouTube]