JUDGE CLAY LAND WILL TAKE THAT $20,000, THANKS: Georgia’s “best judge ever,” the dry wit Clay Land, was *not kidding around at all* last month when he put insane Birther lawyer-dentist Orly Taitz on notice for frivolous litigation: “Finally fed up with Orly Taitz’s repeated frivolous and conspiracy-ridden filings in a Birther lawsuit, the judge in the case has fined the crusading attorney $20,000.” That’s more money than there is in the entire economy! [TPM Muckraker via Rumproast]

You know who was the very first human on the planet to use humor to serious effect? The 20th-century folk hero Saul Alinsky, inventor of community organizing and father of the Quercus genus of shade trees. Before Alinsky, no one ever thought to mock one’s political foes — and after Alinsky, no one ever did again. MORE »

BAM! Sucker, now resign, or be impeached, because you are a bird now. “WHAT BIRDS LIVE TO BE 48?” doubters like Dave Weigel will ask, and all we have to say is, do you have anything that looks *more* legitimate, excluding that “short-form abortion car registration & title” or whatever it was that Robert Gibbs sent the Daily Kos’ Kos last year? Exactly. Congratulations to human Mike P. who sent in the document for our Wonkette Contest. Mike wins a Wonkette T-Shirt! E-mail us, Mike, so we can clothe you! As for you other *losers,* sorry. Let’s show some other finalist submissions (demi-losers) below. MORE »

Hey everybody, some birthers are just wandering around various Senate and House office buildings, bothering the shit out of staffers and interns, and then twatting about it, on the Twitter. David Weigel, the Stephen Crane + Ernie Pyle × Martha Gellhorn of the Tea Party-Birthers Wars, has the whole collection of retardation, go look at it and laugh, for America. [Washington Independent]

Assuming the president is even human, can anybody verify from which woman’s birth canal he sprang, and where, and when? The answer is no, until Barack Obama produces 1) a valid long-form birth certificate with coffee stains to make it look “real” and also 2) a 47-year-old mucus plug. (Note: do not Google “mucus plug” until after lunch.) But in lieu of this evidence, we are left to wonder whether Barack Obama was born in Kenya at all if somebody dug up a birth certificate from South Australia that looks SUSPICIOUSLY like his Kenyan one. MORE »

Heroic provider of truths Orly Taitz went on television’s MSNBC channel this afternoon to discuss her latest proof that Obama is black. Heavens to Betsy! This is too classic. It must be performance art — Arianna Huffington applying a heavy spray-tan and a Marilyn Monroe wig, channeling her days as a Republican congressman’s wife. “LEE-sten to me! LEE-sten LEE-sten, Tahm-ron!” Ha ha! NOW THE IMPORTANT PART: Time for a photo contest! MORE »

SMOKING GUN! California lawyer-dentist Orly Taitz has released the Real Birth Certificate of Barack Hussein Nobama II, from Kenya, given to her by a secret source who is now Target #1 of the CIA & the Hawaiian Hospitals Director (same thing). Anyway, Washington’s hardest-working man in birtherology, Dave Weigel, has already debunked the dickens out of this. Our favorite part: “It’s signed by ‘registrar E.F. Lavender.’ Earth Friendly Lavender is a kind of detergent, and government officials who use vanity initials on official documents are, to put it mildly, rare.” BULSHITT WHADDA U KNO WYGEL? [World Net Daily, Washington Independent]

And how do we know, for sure, that this video is satirical in nature? Maybe that “Funny or Die” website just spent all weekend searching the YouTubes for the most insane example of current Birther pop art. Hell, it’s how we find the comedy! [Funny or Die]

GOP rising star Eric Cantor has apparently heard about this little problem with his party — you know, how the “Republican base” has gone batshit insane, because they hate the coloreds so much that they’ve decided no matter what, Barack Obama isn’t “really” president because there is something fishy about his virgin birth in Bethlehem 6,000 years ago, because we all know a colored cannot be president of White America. Cantor’s solution: Blame the librul media! MORE »

Amazing things have happened in the House this afternoon; go read all of what Sam Stein wrote, here, he’s good at these things. Briefly, though: Rep. Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii — former buddy of Barack Obama Senior! — introduced a resolution “Recognizing and celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the entry of Hawaii into the Union as the 50th State,” which now includes the line, “Whereas the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii…” SO WHAT’S IT GONNA BE, GOP congressmen with insane constituents?? Apparently they need some time to think about this standard symbolic resolution, because Michele Bachmann blocked the quick and easy passage of it on the floor this afternoon. Why would she do that? [Huffington Post]

Why is the Birther hullabaloo, which has been around for over a year, suddenly escalating? Is this Lou Dobbs’ doing? No, just that people are becoming more insane, somehow, and we must all serve witness. So here’s Bill Press — remember him? Liberal? Had a teevee show or something? — asking Robert Gibbs if he can ever make the Birthers go away. Robert Gibbs says no, they’re nuts, the end. Some will argue that Gibbs shouldn’t have even responded to the question, but eh, everyone knows about it. [YouTube]