Tag Archives: bipartisanship


Things That Do Not Go In Guacamole

Not in guac you don't.
Bipartisan unity was at last achieved in these United States on Wednesday after the Grey Lady, the paper of record, suggested something so horrifying that every God-fearing, patriotic American recoiled in disgust, fear and also more disgust. The Times suggested that, this 4th Of July weekend, we ought to all be putting PEAS in our guacamole. Read this blasphemous poppycock: Read more on Things That Do Not Go In Guacamole…
  Everyone gets a cookie

BREAKING: Senate Republicans Very Proud Of Themselves For Doing A Thing

Yay, medals and awards for all of you!
Here is some BREAKING news from Senate Republicans, and you know it is BREAKING because it says so, right there. What is this BREAKING news bipartisanship of which they speak? Let us watch their video, in which we will surely see evidence of Republicans bipartisanshipping with Democrats, in a BREAKING kind of way: Read more on BREAKING: Senate Republicans Very Proud Of Themselves For Doing A Thing…
  Leadership is so. hard.

Senate Republicans Sneak Abortion Stuff Into Human Trafficking Bill, Why Not?

yup, burn it
This week, the Senate tried to do something unusual — they tried to tee up a piece of bipartisan legislation called the Justice For Victims of Human Trafficking Act. Because who could be against that? Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) had hoped to bring the bill to the floor to smooth over the bad feelings he caused when he hinted last week that the Senate was going to vote on a bill to let the Senate be President of Everything Related to Iran. Democrats threatened to filibuster, so McConnell, already sick of being filibustered and embarrassed by Democrats, decided to cut his losses and bring up the bipartisan human trafficking bill instead. That would have been lovely, if it hadn’t imploded. Leadership is so hard, you guys. Read more on Senate Republicans Sneak Abortion Stuff Into Human Trafficking Bill, Why Not?…
  dept. of having many leather-bound books

Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Tries To Defend Himself, Re-Steps On His Own Dick

Important thoughts from a man who looks like a thumb.
Poop spigot Ron Fournier took quite a hiding on the Internet yesterday over his regular outbreak of “both sides-ism,” and rightly so. Today he is back to try to explain himself with a whiny and defensive column that still manages to be flat-out wrong. If yesterday’s piece was the dumpster fire of centrist columns, today’s is the political pundit equivalent of that Harmony Korine movie about people who like to fuck garbage. And yet, today he’s also getting an example of both sides-ism that is probably giving No Labels an orgasm powerful enough to blow a hole in space. Let’s take a look! Read more on Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Tries To Defend Himself, Re-Steps On His Own Dick…
  leading leaders lead with leadership

Serious Pundit: Dumb Obama Forced GOP To Vote Against GOP Healthcare Plan

Was there any other picture we could have used?
Ron Fournier has written many dumb columns in his career. In fact, Ron Fournier has written only dumb columns in his career. But today he has outdone himself by gracing our political centrists, yearning as they are for some bipartisanship, with the dumbest column of his, nay, of any pundit’s career. This column is the dumpster fire of centrist columns, the shining example of everything wrong with punditry. It should be framed and hung in the Newseum for all to see — at least until the oceans rise enough to drown Washington — as a warning, preferably with a giant sign reading ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO WANT TO GET INVITED ON THE SUNDAY CHAT SHOWS. Read more on Serious Pundit: Dumb Obama Forced GOP To Vote Against GOP Healthcare Plan…
  soul searching

Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct

With votes.
On Monday, beltway bullshit scorecard POLITICO reported that nominal Democratic senators like Joe Manchin, Claire McCaskill, and Heidi Heitkamp appear eager to help the new Republican majority advance legislation. Manchin even called the idea of not working with Republicans to promote their agenda “bullshit.” They probably think that burnishing their “moderate centrist” credentials in this way will help them keep their jobs when they face the voters in 2018. They are wrong. Read more on Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct…

Rand Paul Wars On Christmas With Festivus Grievance Tweets

As if it weren’t bad enough that the right has turned “Merry Christmas” into a shibboleth, now they’re trying to co-opt Festivus.* Senator Rand Paul (R-Galt’s Gulch) announced yesterday that he would be tweeting his very own “airing of grievances” for fun and publicity, and so of course we are compelled to indulge him. Strangely, the nine fulltime employees of Twitchy found this something worth promoting, rather than part of the War On Christmas. There are rules on this, and if Rand Paul wants to have fun with a show about liberal New York Jews who mock the values of Real America, it’s funny, by god. Read more on Rand Paul Wars On Christmas With Festivus Grievance Tweets…
  same as it ever was

Our Long National Nightmare Put Off A Few Months As Debt Ceiling Raised, Government Funded

On this momentous occasion of the worst possible thing not happening, let’s not concern ourselves overmuch with winners (Democrats, America) and losers (the Tea Party, rank idiocy). Instead, let’s celebrate. Government by extortion has been rejected. A global financial panic has been averted, the United States retains its role as an economic leader, and the dollar remains the world’s reserve currency — for now. Maybe Fitch will still downgrade our credit rating, but who cares? When Standard & Poor’s downgraded us in 2011, borrowing costs actually fell, remember that? Oh, and the same thing happened in Italy. It’s almost as though people don’t trust the judgments of the credit rating agencies who said subprime-backed securities were AAA Would Invest Again can’t-miss licenses to print money. Weird… Where were we? Oh yeah. Democrats win! America wins! Tea Party loses! Ted Cruz 2016! Read more on Our Long National Nightmare Put Off A Few Months As Debt Ceiling Raised, Government Funded…
  all the education you can afford

Student Loan Bill Lubes Up At Least Before Screwing Students

Surely you Wonketteers have heard the librul media and members of Congress crowing about the new student loan bill, which is apparently not only a great deal for students but is also significant because it demonstrates that Congress is capable of passing something on a bipartisan basis. Everybody wins: Congress looks good! The new bill doesn’t add to the deficit! And students’ rates will fluctuate with the market so now students have EVEN MORE skin in the game! USA USA! Here, let us take a closer look at the crappy deal that everyone is so excited about. Read more on Student Loan Bill Lubes Up At Least Before Screwing Students…
  orange you glad we didn't say boehnaner?

John Boehner Really Seriously Considered Obama Budget For Whole Minutes Before Saying The Hell With It

Now, here’s an unexpected development! Creamsicle-tinted bus-stop ashtray John Boehner has rejected President Obama’s super-kind offer to please take old people’s lunch money and not beat them up any more, please, because it is not enough money from old people and too much money from bejillionaires. Damn you and your divisiveness, Barack Obama! “Despite talk about so-called balance, the president’s last offer was significantly skewed in favor of higher taxes and included only modest entitlement savings. He said he could go no further toward the middle, and that’s why his last offer was rejected,” Boehner said in a statement. Read more on John Boehner Really Seriously Considered Obama Budget For Whole Minutes Before Saying The Hell With It…
  failing up

Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management

As Click & Clack will tell you, it’s the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it’s as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge when it came to building levees and other flood control for his state! Here is a nice find from our friends at Slog: In the spring of 2004, Peabody, Mass., got drenched with rain, which flooded the downtown area. After the storm, then-Gov. Mitt Romney asked President George W. Bush to declare Essex, Middlesex and Suffolk Counties federal disaster areas, according to the Boston Globe. That fall, the state legislature proposed spending $5.7 million on a flood prevention project to protect against future floods. Those funds would be matched by $22 million in federal money. Romney vetoed it. Haha, you guys are never gonna guess what happened just two years later, in 1996 2006. Go ahead, try. You’ll never … oh. Yeah, that was it. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management…
  beyond the sea

Politicians From America’s Weirdo Unattached States Form Unholy Alliance

There has often emerged from the American electorate a sort of vague, inchoate idea that more “bipartisanship” is needed in our politics. Elitists who are heavily connected to the financial services industry but are cool with abortion and gay people think, completely incorrectly, that this indicates that there’s room for some sort of middle ground third-party, when it probably actually just means that people want Congress to not treat every little vote about trade policy or whatever like it’s the debate over the Fugitive Slave Act, and at least pretend to be nice to each other. Sadly, the only elected officials still capable of doing this come from the dispersed American Pacific Empire, as we can see in a new ad in which a Republican congressman from Alaska endorses a Democratic congresslady for Hawaii, for Senate. What terrible debts are being repaid over the course of this low-budget 90-second ad? Read more on Politicians From America’s Weirdo Unattached States Form Unholy Alliance…
  is she right ladies???????

Ousted Senator Lugar Says Something True, WaPo Needs Its Fainting Couch

Richard Lugar, he of the many-termèd Indiana senate run, lost to fop Richard Mourdock in the state’s Republican primary Tuesday night, because Lugar is AULDE and believes in a passé political system similar to the one that John McCain believed in before he became a born-again baby. In his concession speech, Lugar very clearly outlined the insanity of the present-day Republican party and the “headwinds” he faced as a bipartisan-loving old softy running against the passed wind of the Tea Party. Well, that upset some people, because it was so rude. Melinda Henneberger of preeminent feminist blog SHE [UNDERSCORED WITH LIPSTICK] THE PEOPLE is one such (she)rson, and as part of a new, promising tactic at the Washington Post, Henneberger both cut and pasted bits of Lugar’s speech AND took on the voice of Lugar for her “news” “article” this morning and it’s probably going to get at least four pageviews discounting her own endless “open page in new tab” efforts. In her biggest play of the post, Henneberger says the Lugar campaign staff really should have “seen to it” that Lugar’s concession speech “was eaten by a computer virus.” OOOOOOOOOOOOOH. Read more on Ousted Senator Lugar Says Something True, WaPo Needs Its Fainting Couch…
  bring back the whigs

‘No Labels’ Is Worst Ever Non-Political-Party Political Party

Yesterday, Mike Bloomberg and a motley crew of political failures like Charlie Crist, Mike Castle, and Blanche Lincoln converged for a major political announcement in New York City, which is, of course, our nation’s capital, and thus the place you go to make serious political announcements. Their announcement: They had formed “No Labels,” a group of politicians and such who don’t like partisan politics for one of two reasons: 1. They lost their Republican primary this year, or 2. They’re Democrats who either want to seem above their party or are afraid of Republicans. Mainly, everyone present wanted to know if they were a political party. “This is not a political party and I am not running for president,” Bloomberg said, basically. Then The New York Times‘ very own Slate intern Matt Bai said something dumb, and No Labels stole some intellectual property. Read more on ‘No Labels’ Is Worst Ever Non-Political-Party Political Party…
  all black

Emo Obama Admits Defeat

President Obama made his big post-election press conference this afternoon, and it turns out he heard about that election thing that happened last night too. He said his party received “a shellacking,” but that wasn’t merely a quoted pun from a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon he had seen; the president’s tone and face were dire, and he doesn’t seem to see too much room for this whole “bipartisanship” thing. Sure, maybe the Republicans will stop hating gays for a moment and let them serve openly in the military, but that’s about it. Cap and trade? Yeah, any chance of that happening is pretty much over, the emo president mumbled. He’s probably just going to lay on the couch in his sweatpants eating arugula chips for the next couple years, because he also said he’s not going to just suddenly become a Teabagger. Read more on Emo Obama Admits Defeat…
  they shall overcome

RedState Angry It’s ‘Still’ Not ‘Allowed To Make a Racial Slur’ About Obama

As soon as we see a black person in a position of power, we all immediately turn to utter a racial slur about this person, right? You guys know what we’re talking about! Black people are scary! YET, RedState has apparently had to go years without saying such a thing towards the president of the United States, who is a black guy. That is a very impressive amount of willpower for people who hold racism so dear! RedState definitely deserves a Medal of Honor for this (as long as that black guy doesn’t get his grubby socialist fingers all over it). However, RedState blogger Dave Poff has determined that Obama recently said a racial slur himself, so now all the RedStaters are Free At Last to type racial slurs about Obama on the Internet. Hooray! Read more on RedState Angry It’s ‘Still’ Not ‘Allowed To Make a Racial Slur’ About Obama…