Tag Archives: bill richardson

  it's morning in america

Border Governors Don’t Want To Party With ‘Nerd’ Jan Brewer

Traditionally, the governors of all the states on both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border (did you know that Mexico has “states,” with “governors”?) get together once a year to “celebrate border bonhomie … issue proclamations and pledges to work together, air grievances and concerns behind closed doors.” In other words, they drink unseemly amounts of tequila and go to strip clubs. But this year the host was supposed to be Jan Brewer, and all the Mexican governors (plus Bill Richardson) are afraid she will personally deport them when they show up for the shindig, so they’re thinking about doing it somewhere else, or maybe not doing it at all, and Jan will cry at home by herself and tell herself that when she goes to college, people won’t be petty like this, they’ll recognize her as an interesting and unique person and want to hang out with her. Read more on Border Governors Don’t Want To Party With ‘Nerd’ Jan Brewer… Read more on Border Governors Don’t Want To Party With ‘Nerd’ Jan Brewer…
  elephant butt

Bill Richardson & Pals Smash Into Docked Boat, Flee

More wacky late-summer tales, just for you! This one involves New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, the one with the resume, and the corruption. His life has very little purpose right now. That’s a good thing! The man deserves a break from his prison of Ambition, a passion that has kept him busy in hundreds of semi-important government jobs over the years. Now he has time to dance! He also has time to flee boat crashes — you know, like when the boat he’s on demolishes another boat, and destroys a marina in general, and then he and his buddies just pop off and never tell anyone. This is something Bill Richardson has time to do now! Read more on Bill Richardson & Pals Smash Into Docked Boat, Flee…
  the dance is called the 'stanky legg'

What Ever Happened To Bill Richardson?

He was the Democratic presidential candidate with the funniest ads, and maybe the most experience. And then he was going to be, maybe, secretary of state. But Hillary got that prize. Then he was going to Commerce, but there was some investigation of his office in New Mexico. Now, Bill Richardson just dances and dances and dances to the Mexican turbo-polka, as this secret May 4 video makes so terrifyingly clear. [YouTube via Wonkette Operative “Ellen D.”] Read more on What Ever Happened To Bill Richardson?…
  live free or die

Judd Gregg Is Nominated President Of Commerce!

Yay a new era has dawned in Washington, bipartisanship forever, etc! After Barack Obama’s pudgy comic foil had to renounce the Latino Consolation Prize due to a corruption investigation, people wondered who could possibly replace Bill Richardson. And then the name “Judd Gregg” was floated, and people said, “well, he was pretty good in Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” plus he was a Republican, which meant that sneaky Barack Obama could get Gregg’s Democratic governor to appoint a Democrat to replace him in the Senate without a single Republican noticing! Read more on Judd Gregg Is Nominated President Of Commerce!…
  replacements

Maybe This Celebrity Guy Will Lead Commerce!

Barack Obama has completely exhausted his list of passingly competent government nobodies to fill the remaining positions in his upper-level administration, so now he is reaching out to people he has heard about on the teevee. Today we hear that Richard Parsons is under consideration for Secretary of Commerce now that Bill Richardson has returned to beard-farming. You remember Dick Parsons, yes? Former chairman of Time Warner, one of a select handful of black people to run a Fortune 500 company, etc? He also apparently “ran a Social Security study group in [the] Bush era,” which should send a cold chill of fear down your spine. Dick Parsons is obviously Beelzebub. [The Page] Read more on Maybe This Celebrity Guy Will Lead Commerce!…
  rumors on the internets

Jonah Goldberg Is So Gay For Mormons

Police are going to use truth serum (probably just pinot noir) on the only surviving Mumbai terrorist. [Daily Beast] Harvard is in a recession too! The elitist madrassa where Barry spent his formative years managed to lose 22% of it’s $36.9 billion endowment in four months. [HuffPost] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Is So Gay For Mormons…
  bill richardson has a sad

CONSOLATION PRIZE: Of all the secretaries of commerce in American History, the only ones anybody has ever heard of are Herbert Hoover, Ron Brown and Norm Mineta. The first is known for making the Depression, the second for being killed in some random plane crash, the third for … doing 9/11? [U.S. Secretary of Commerce] Read more on …
  the secrets of his success

Bill Richardson’s Tall Tales

Now that he’s the President of Global Business, Bill Richardson is on the A List! People are interested, maybe, in what he has to say! So it’s a good thing Esquire just posted some random stuff from an interview with the de-bearded New Mexican. He named his horse after some country music jackass! Barack Obama helped him out at a debate! Read more on Bill Richardson’s Tall Tales…
  your daily obama press conference

Liveblogging Obama Giving Bill Richardson the Latino Consolation Prize

Jeez, that media whore Barack Obama is on the teevee again! Let’s liveblog it. He is introducing the Commerce Secretary, who was announced what, two weeks ago? Slow news day, Barry, MMMHMMM? Every big supporter of Obama gets their own press conference which probably takes over The View or Ellen or something, which angers American women. Anyway, Mr. Talky is already talking so let’s do this thing. Read more on Liveblogging Obama Giving Bill Richardson the Latino Consolation Prize…
  rumors on the internets

Meet Your New Commerce Secretary: Bill Richardson

This global warming has gotten so bad that ships can now pass through the “Northwest Passage,” which didn’t even previously exist except on advanced levels of the Oregon Trail. [Matthew Yglesias] Read more on Meet Your New Commerce Secretary: Bill Richardson…
  galoots

Next Secretary Of State: Kerry Or Richardson?

UGGGH JOHN KERRY. The sad horsey lost his 2004 run at the presidency by issuing a stream of terrible proclamations throughout the campaign, which George Bush’s oppo team immediately made into commercials: stuff like, “I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it.” He was also dull and utterly uncharismatic and bad at campaigning. After he lost the election, he insisted on spamming every single one of his supporters, constantly, with retarded emails that made them loathe him even more. Read more on Next Secretary Of State: Kerry Or Richardson?…
 

James ‘Judas’ Carville Says Obama Is Likely Nominee

Weird old Cajun swamp weasel James Carville called Bill Richardson and said he wanted his thirty pieces of silver back. Then a chicken made a sound three times and Carville was like, “Hillary who?” in an alarming visit to Furman University in Greenville, South Carolina, in which he said all sorts of damning things about his former friend Senator Hillary Clinton. Read more on James ‘Judas’ Carville Says Obama Is Likely Nominee…
 

Carville And Richardson Continue To Slap Each Other With Various Words

Priggish Acadian fur-trader James Carville appeared on Larry King Live last night with his mortal enemy, fat Mexican ex-presidential candidate Bill Richardson, to Assess the Race. Carville had famously called Richardson “Judas Iscariot” after the latter endorsed Barack Obama, because Bill Clinton gave Richardson two or three of his 80,000 stupid jobs in the 1990s and now he won’t even support the damn wife’s campaign. The two continued fighting each other last night, most notably when Carville makes fun of Richardson’s tropical beach vacation. Video after the jump. Read more on Carville And Richardson Continue To Slap Each Other With Various Words…
 

Meet The Clintons’ 7 Most Despised Former Friends!

The Clintons have been in politics for so long that even their shit list has a shit list. And that exclusive Who’s Who of former friends has only grown as this soul-deadening primary season drags its festering carcass ever closer to the finish line (sometime next year, we think?). Let’s review the top seven lucky people who won’t be getting Christmas cards from Bill and Hillary this year, unless those Christmas cards are stuffed with anthrax. Read more on Meet The Clintons’ 7 Most Despised Former Friends!…
 

Bill Clinton Goes Crazy With Superdelegates Watching

At this weekend’s California Democratic convention, Bill Clinton met privately with some superdelegates from the state. He was charming until someone mentioned Bill Richardson, and then he started yelling at himself, or them, or someone. He was yelling at someone, yes: “The former president then went on a tirade that ran from the media’s unfair treatment of Hillary to questions about the fairness of the votes in state caucuses that voted for Obama. It ended with him asking delegates to imagine what the reaction would be if Obama was trailing by just 1 percent and people were telling him to drop out.” April Fool’s! Bill Clinton is actually dead. [SF Chronicle] Read more on Bill Clinton Goes Crazy With Superdelegates Watching…
 

I’m Swell, My Opponent Is A Necrophiliac/Hobo/Graceful Figure Skater

Hey, did you know that it’s only March? That’s right, you have another seven months of this stupid election to endure. Since it’s already gone on for eleventy billion months already, everything of remote substance has already been hashed out and forgotten, so now all we have time for are the wild accusations. And everyone knows wild accusations are more fun in cartoon form! Read more on I’m Swell, My Opponent Is A Necrophiliac/Hobo/Graceful Figure Skater…